


Friends Won't Love Me Like You

by the_lazywriter



Category: Taynew
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Polca - Freeform, newwiee - Freeform, tawan_v, taynew - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:08:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 73,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25824154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lazywriter/pseuds/the_lazywriter
Relationships: New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun/Tay Tawan Vihokratana
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	1. I Love You, Goodbye

"Tay." With hesitation, New finally broke the silence between them. They just spent a long day of working together. But more than being physically tired, they were both exhausted from the tension that was going on between them. But as professionals that they were, nobody else knew what was going on. Or so they thought.

They both sat tensed at opposite sides of Tay's couch after New drove Tay home - something they haven't done for a while now.

Tay's heartbeat grew stronger and louder without even knowing what New was about to say. But he was certain that for a few months now, there has always been an elephant in the room and New was finally trying to tackle it. His eyes started to well up no matter how hard he tried to stop them.

"Aren't you tired of still pretending to be my friend?"

Tay felt like a bucket of ice-cold water was dumped over him. Trembles started from his fingers until they reached his shoulders. And with that, the first drop of tear fell from his left eye.

Neither of them spoke for a minute which sure felt like a whole hour already. The silence was deafening, maddening.

"You still have a long way for your career, Tay." New softly spoke hiding trying to hide the lump that was forming in his throat. "Your pairing with Joss is doing great. Your fan clubs are growing larger than ever. You don't need me anymore. Your career can skyrocket without me. You can finally be Tay as Tay Tawan and not as Tay of TayNew."

"Wha-what are you trying to say New?" Tay mustered all the strength he has left to stop his voice from cracking. He could no longer tell what he was feeling. Confusion? Fear? Anger? Guilt? - all he knew was that it was extremely painful.

"I'm taking a break from showbusiness. I have talked to management and they supported my decision as long as I have to complete all my remaining commitments."

New sighed heavily as he stood up, turned to face Tay's shelves. There he stared at a fanart of them that Tay framed up and proudly displayed. Tay on the other hand faced the opposite side towards his bed still trying to process New's revelation.

Both turned away from each other as they didn't want to see how the other was reacting. Or perhaps not wanting to let the other see how what they are truly feeling and lose the veil of coldness they are both trying to put up.

"I'm going back to Hat Yai and help with the family business for the mean time."

"How about our ventures? Are you quitting from them, as well?" Tay surprised himself that he was able to speak without fumbling.

"We have capable managers, Tay. I can even just oversee them from home. That's if -" New hesitated for a moment, "- if you still want me to be your business partner."

Deep down inside New wanted Tay to say yes not wanting to cut the only tie that remains between them.

"Okay, then I'm buying your share of the business. Even give you a premium at that." New swore that he could hear Tay smirk through that. If only he could see that Tay was already trying to stop the huffing that he hardly can hold anymore.

"I'll prepare the paperwork then. I'll just mail it for you to sign and you can just write a check for me." New suggested.

"How about I'll just have it transferred to your personal bank account that way you wouldn't be bothered by coming to the office."

New sighed deeply and quietly. He thought that maybe Tay saw through his plan of getting a way to see the older again. Maybe Tay really hated him that much.

Tay on his end thought that it was what New wanted but did not bother to say. Afterall, New was never direct with his words.

"4 months." Tay wanted to ask his best friend how long he's gonna be away. But before he even could, New already spoke as if he knew what was on his mind. "Or more. Depends. I don't really know."

Silence once again filled the entire room and this time Tay was the one to break it, coldly.

"Is there anything else you wanted to say, New?"

"Hmmm."

"I guess this is it, huh?"

"Yeah."

Both just shrugged each other off like it was the easiest thing to do. But it was not and it pained them both to just pretend that they were okay with it.

New started making his way out but as soon as he turned the knob, he tried to put on the happiest face he could before turning around to tell Tay one more thing for maybe the last time they'll see each other.

"Tay, thank you for the six years of friendship. I wish I knew how to be a better friend. I love you and I always will. Goodbye."

=


	2. Tears Always Win

8 AM. Tay woke up to the sound of his alarm. _"Is this how a hangover feels like?"_ , he thought to himself. Still lying on his stomach wearing the same clothes he wore last night; he firmly massaged the bridge of his nose. Not a drop of alcohol was in Tay's system but the nauseating pain was all over his body. His head throbbing, his neck stiff, but it was in his chest where the ache was the greatest.

He doesn't even remember what time or how he fell asleep. The only thing that keeps on replaying in his mind are the parting words that came out of a smiling New.

_"I love you and I always will. Goodbye."_

New did smile but Tay knew it was an empty one. Yes, the younger's eyes glistened as he left but it was of tears that Tay knew New was holding back.

And he always did. For months New tried to play the uncaring and unaffected facade. He had to. They were promoting their series, Dark Blue Kiss. But despite the overwhelming love they were getting from their loyal fans, there were still monsters that were trying to hound New.

The monster of his mistake earlier that year that gave birth to more monsters. Monsters in the guise of the never-ending hate posts against New, the apparent change in their relationship which deeply wounded both parties, the physical strain that the situations brought, and perhaps the biggest monster of them all is the pressure to keep all his emotions at bay because they are bound by the chains of contracts and management-decided actions.

_"4 months."_

Tay tried to convince himself that 4 months without his rock will be a breeze. After all, he successfully avoided his _nong_ for the past 9 months. They only met when they had to. Filming for their series, couple events, DBK promotions, and the few obligatory not-so-random hangouts GMMTV compelled them to do.

 _"But why does it hurt so much?"_ Tay thought as his eyes were starting to water again.

 _"Meet you at the station at 10 AM."_ Tay read Off's Line message.

 _"You guys go ahead. I'll catch up at dinner. Something came up."_ He messaged the '91 squad group chat.

It was his only day off for the month. Tay and New had been busy for the promotion of their series that just concluded. The squad planned on a whole day get together – lunch, movie, dinner and karaoke. Just a day to unwind form all of their busy schedules. They all needed this. Tay needed this the most.

But Tay was not in the mood to go. He was still feeling devastated. Maybe this alone time could be good for him, or not. Good because he doesn't want to be seen in the current state that he's in and he could rest his exhaustion away. But bad because it gives him so much idle time—time that no matter how he tried to keep his thoughts off what happened last night, their conversation always creeps its way into his head.

_"You don't need me anymore."_

_"How dare he think that I ever needed him."_ Enraged, Tay clenched his white pillow stained with last night's tears. Sure, New brought order to his chaotic life. And that they both benefitted from the popularity of their ship. Well admittedly, he knew that New's career was already doing well after Waterboyy and the younger could have chosen to ride that wave with Earth. Yet New chose his best friend. Or at least management did.

But Tay believed that he was not dependent on New. He knew he could stand on his own. His shows without New all did well. 3 Will Be Free was such a hit that management was considering another show with Joss and him paired up again.

_"You can finally be Tay as Tay Tawan and not as Tay of TayNew."_

_"How arrogant of him to think that. And who is he to decide that I want nothing to do with TayNew anymore?"_ He caught a glimpse of that framed fan art and the thought that the ship that sailed for close to four years has finally come to sink.

_"4 months. Or more. Depends. I don't really know."_

_"Goodbye."_

New's choice of words confused Tay. _"Why does it seem like he's not coming back? He's coming back right? He has to."_ And with that idea, no matter how his eyes put up a fight, once again, his tears always win.

-

"Everyone in the company already knows, Tay. You can stop pretending nothing happened." Arm remarked as Tay kept telling them he's fine despite the prominent dark circles around his eyes.

"Know about what? I told you I just slept late last night because of the coffee we had after the show." Tay kept on evading the topic.

"He finally did it, didn't he?" Alice asked with the look of concern all over her eyes. "New. He left right?" And with that blunt question, the table fell silent waiting for a reaction from Tay. Alice knew that there was no other way than to be direct with Tay. Out of all of them, she was the one he confided the most.

"Yeah. So what?" He nonchalantly shrugged his shoulders while tending to the pork they're grilling. "Good riddance."

"Stupid!" Off smacked the back of his head with that remark. "Never say anything you don't mean, Tay."

"I meant it, Off." Tay pointed his chopsticks at his _pueng_.

"Really? Well you sure do look happy you finally got rid of him, don't you?" P'X rhetorically asked Tay.

It took Tay a while to respond to that. "Okay. Maybe it came off the wrong way. I'm sorry. But I think that him leaving could be a good thing for him." Tay immediately took back the words he said out of impulse. He busied himself with eating eluding the questioning gazes of his friends.

"And how about you? Do you think that him leaving is a good thing for you?" Alice dropped another.

Tay's shoulders dropped—a sign that he was indeed affected by the situation more than what he shows his friends.

They eventually dropped the topic as the mood was getting uncomfortable. This is very typical for Tay. He tries so much to drown out his real thoughts and emotions with superficial happiness. And it shows. Whenever he's in a tough situation, the laughs and smiles that usually reach his eyes become mere strained contractions of his facial muscles. To everyone who knew Tay, it was evident. And it has been that way for the longest time since early of this year. His friends knew better than peddle much of any issue on Tay. This only makes him bottle up more rather than tackle any issue.

Dinner went on leaving the drama behind. Tay's thoughts on the other hand were non-present. He was unusually quiet.

But all hell broke loose at the karaoke bar. A couple more friends joined them some of them oblivious to the problem. And once a song was played that reminded Tay of New, he silently walked out of the room.

Alice and Off noticed this and followed Tay making sure not to cause everybody else to wonder.

"It hurts, Alice." Tay bawled as Alice took him in her arms. "It hurts so bad that sometimes it's getting harder to breathe."

=


	3. Better In Time

It took a while before Tay's sobbing subsided. Alice and Off stayed with him at the far secluded side of the lounge. It was unusual sight to see Tay getting emotional as he was at that moment. They made sure not to catch too much attention from random onlookers.

When Tay seemed to have calmed down, that was when Alice decided to assure him, "None of this is your fault, Tay. Stop blaming yourself for something you couldn't have controlled."

Alice broke the embrace she held for the past ten minutes.

"I could have done something." Tay said in between huffs. "I could have asked him to stay."

"You know that's not true, Tay." Off objected as he knelt closer to Tay to meet his eye.

"New has long decided on this. There was nothing you could've done." Alice added.

"Wait." Tay was glared at Alice. "You knew about him leaving?" Tay caught on what Alice was implying by her slip up.

She bit her lower lip in regret of her carelessness. But there was no point in hiding now. "I-I might have heard something a week ago," she stuttered looking for the right words. "But I was not sure."

Tay's eyes silently begged for an explanation and Alice proceeded, "I overheard New in P'Tha's office begging off from new projects...except the ones that involved you." She was careful this time.

"And you didn't tell me anything?"

"I wasn't sure of what I heard Tay." Alice defended her actions. "And besides, P'Tha didn't agree with him. I just, I just didn't want to speculate."

"And you knew about this as well?" He turned his gaze to his friend, the closest one to both New and him.

Off shook his head before speaking. "No, I didn't. But that is beside my point, Tay. New is has always been the stubborn one. If he has decided on it, it goes."

It was the truth. There's no stopping New once he sets his eyes on something. That attitude has gotten him in trouble a lot and Tay was aware of this.

"And you know that if there's anyone who could persuade him, that's me." He knew this for a fact as well. New listens to Tay or at least considers what the older says.

"You still think that'll work?" Off almost snickered. "A lot has changed in your relationship since that controversy earlier this year. You can't deny that."

"Quit it, Off. It's not time for that." Alice grabbed Off's arm not wanting to aggravate the situation.

A moment of silence suddenly enveloped the three.

Tay deeply sighed as he recalled the thing that caused all this drama between the two. He dropped his eyes to the floor before speaking. "It's alright, Alice. Off is right. A lot has changed since New's stupid mistake." Tay spoke with remorse. "And I-I-I just allowed it to."

Alice and Off quickly caught each other's eyes surprised by the tone of Tay's voice. This was something unfamiliar to them. Whenever this topic comes up, Tay always treat it with exasperation.

"Tay, you're being too hard on yourself. It was New's fault. He owned up to it. Stop painting him as the victim.", Off.

"He received an unnecessary amount of hate from all those half-truths the trolls are spewing on him. And I just kept mum."

"That's on him as well, Tay. You know that," Alice argued." He asked you not to say anything. Even the executives disallowed you to engage them."

"Yes, but I could have just disobeyed them."

"Tay. Stop."

Tay fell silent for a short while but he was still overwhelmed by the feeling of regret that filled his heart. "You know guys? Before we even started filming for Dark Blue Kiss, New was already reaching out to me trying to make up for what he did. And I simply didn't budge..."

Off and Alice didn't like where the conversation was headed but they knew better than cut Tay off this time. It was atypical for him to relay what his real thoughts were and this conveyance might help him.

"I continued to ignore him, looked for ways to avoid him, even deliberately went out more with my other friends whom he's not comfortable with."

Off was a witness to this. There were times when out of the blue Tay asks him out to do something, anything, or even nothing at all. He wanted to hang out without really having a plan of what to do. Off was one of the usual suspects.

"And I did all of those not because I haven't forgiven him. I did. I have forgiven him just weeks after the incident." Tay sniffed a couple times before admitting, "I continued the act because I was being selfish—I liked the thought of New running after me seeking for my attention."

Alice's right hand caught her dropping jaw as she gasped at Tay's confession.

"For years I have always felt that I was the one always giving in to his demands. It felt like he was more in control of our friendship and I was just a toy he could play with or a dog he can shout orders to."

"And that feeling of being in charge was so refreshing that I was obsessed with it at one point."

"I took it too far and maybe he grew tired of chasing me not knowing that it was all a ploy. My stupid ploy."

"Tay..." Alice pleaded Tay to stop but he just went on.

"Aren't you tired of still pretending to be my friend?" Tay echoed New's exact words that kept replaying in his mind. "He asked me that, Off. He was really convinced that I was just pretending when we're in front of the cameras or with the fans."

"Never did he know that those were the times when I was actually felt most at ease and secure of our friendship."

"So, what do you plan of doing now?" Off asked.

"I don't know. He's already gone. Fans spotted him flying back to south already."

"He will be back, right? He's only taking a break Tay."

"He sounded like he was never coming back to be honest."

"He will be back, Tay. Trust me. It will just be a couple weeks. He still has uncompleted projects, right?" Alice reassured Tay.

"It will at least be four months, he said."

"Then use those four months to recompose yourself Tay and to evaluate what you really think of your friendship." Off suggested. "You should learn how to live without him, Tay. You were too dependent on him that when you're faced with this separation you suddenly break down like you are crippled."

"It's difficult, Off. And it hurts. I never imagined my life without him."

"Yeah it will definitely hurt, Tay. He was important to you as you were to him." Alice consoled, "And you are allowed to feel that pain. Use that pain to grow. You will eventually heal. But there's no guarantee that it's not going to hurt when it heals too."

"Thank you, guys. Really, I appreciate it." Tay felt the sudden comfort that the two wanted him to feel.

For about an hour or two, the three went on with the little drama at the corner until sappy conversations turned into awkward giggles, and the silent giggles turned into loud laughter. For a moment it seemed like Tay was doing alright. But they knew it was temporary.

"Hey Off. I want to head home now." Tay stood up.

"And what do you mean by that?" Off raised his eyebrow at Tay.

"Give me a ride."

"Didn't we just talk about you trying to grow and become more independent?" Off protested.

"C'mon Off, I am feeling down right now." Tay pouted. "Aren't you afraid of what bad luck may happen to a depressed Tawan?" Tay really used his pity card.

Off rolled his eyes back to Mars before walking away. "Just tonight, Tay. Just this once." Off continued walking away wagging his finger in the air.

 _"They're probably right."_ Tay thought to himself. _"It'll all get better in time... I hope."_

=


	4. Unwell

"Hello Joss." Tay quickly answered his phone from his co-actor. It was the third call from Joss already. He missed two earlier calls when he was still aboard a motor taxi on his way to the office. "Yeah, I'm here at the building already. I'm just grabbing coffee here at Starbucks downstairs, I'll be up in a while." He immediately placed the phone between his ears and shoulders as his hands were scrambling inside his bag searching for his Starbucks card.

"Everyone's already here, Tay. Hurry up." He heard Joss say on the other side.

"Please tell them I'm sorry for being a bit late. Thanks!" He immediately dropped the call and grabbed his venti Americano.

Tay was incredibly busy hanging out the past three weeks since New left. He tried to drown himself with activities with friends to get his mind off the loneliness. On most nights, Tay could only have four to five hours of sleep. The previous night was no exception that's why he needed caffeine in his system to keep himself awake for a very important meeting.

As he hurriedly turned around, he accidentally bumped someone's shoulder causing some of his coffee to spill. Luckily the stranger was quick on his feet to avoid getting the drink on his clothes. "Ooof. I'm sorry. My bad. I am in a rush." Tay bowed his head in apology.

"Still on the bad side of luck Tay?" The stranger mockingly smiled at Tay. "So typical of you."

"Tytan!" Tay finally recognized the man he bumped into as he looked up. "You're back in Bangkok?"

"Uhhh, yeah? I just arrived yesterday." Tytan simply regarded him not really sure on how to answer the question.  
  
"How long will you be here?" Tay asked as he was wiping the coffee that spilled on his mustard buttoned-up shirt. "This is definitely gonna stain", he thought to himself.

"Just for a week. I'm just here to -um- do something important." Tytan awkwardly replied.

"It's really nice to see you, bro. I would love to catch up but I'm already running late for a meeting."

"Yeah. Go ahead, Tay. Mond and Arm will be here in a moment anyway " Tytan snickered upon realizing that Tay was once again caught up in a chain of misfortunes.

With that, Tay left Tytan and rushed to the elevator. Tay was all giddy as he was rushing towards the assigned meeting room for their group. Along the way, he felt a bit uneasy dodging glances from a few of the office staff.

Tay was not oblivious to it all. He knew that everyone was now aware of his best friend's break and they are worried, or more like speculating on how he was holding up. He usually just pretends not to hear them whisper but he constant odd looks make him think that there must be something wrong with him.

"6 minutes." Tay heard P'Aof announce as soon as he entered the room. "A bit of an improvement from the 8 minutes from the last time." The director continued to speak in jest.

"I'm sorry, P'Tha, everyone." He _wai'd_ as he made his way to an empty seat next to Joss. "I just run in with Tytan downstairs. Do you guys know he's back in Bangkok?" he tried to sway the topic off him. But everyone knew what he was trying to do.

"Judging by the coffee stains on your shirt, I bet you literally ran into him." Joss pointed out and made everyone, even Tay, chuckle.

"Classic Tay Tawan." he added.

Tay's smile suddenly left his face with that catchphrase. New coined that. And he remembered the oh so many times he said that.

"So let's get to the meeting and make this quick." P'Tha finally spoke and snapped Tay back to the present.

"You've all read the series brief in advance, I suppose. So, are there any questions?", one of the show's producers spoke.

This meeting was called for a brief on the series Tay and Joss will be acting in for the following year. 3 Will Be Free was such a huge success that GMMTV decided to go with the JossTay ship that frequently trended in social media when the show aired.

"Who's the third guy?", Joss asked.

"We haven't casted one, yet", the director answered. "We actually asked one of our BL actors here in GMMTV but he refused the role for reasons I am not in the position to divulge."

Tay's mind wandered to the short list of actors who could have been considered for the role. Somehow, he hoped it wasn't New and it wasn't because of their stained friendship that he refused.

"All other male artists we have also already signed with other projects and we can't find anyone who we can squeeze the schedule for filming this," one of the casting staff present added.

"All?" Tay regarded them, "You considered all signed artists already?" Tay's curiosity suddenly sparked at the thought that all signed artists have projects already. This could only mean that New was definitely coming back and not permanently leaving as he had feared.

"We considered everyone who are still active," the casting staff answered aware of what Tay is trying to get at. "And even those who are on -um- official breaks."

But with that answer, Tay got more confused. There was no hint of implication that New was considered for the role nor did it confirm if he had a project for the following year.

"We're close to signing one artist from another agency. Don't worry he is someone familiar to you and Gun so chemistry will not be a problem," P'Aof added.

"N'Gun is in this series?" Tay was surprised and didn't even pay attention to the more important information on who the other actor could be.

"Yeah. Page 2 of the brief Tay." Joss furrowed at Tay.

"I-I-I must have skipped that part," Tay tried to downplay it. He actually didn't thoroughly study the brief. All he knew that it's supposed to be a light rom-com BL with Joss and a third person.

"He'll be your younger brother, so it's just a minor role for him," one of the writers explained.

"N'Gun acting as a support cast to a series that I'll play lead? Wow." Tay was once again astonished and even considered this as an achievement.

"It's just a filler to his already jam-packed schedule." P'Tha intervened. "And it's good publicity as well. Although JossTay is already popular in itself, we can always use the help of his fans to boost the series."  
  
"And he agreed to this? Where is he anyway?" Tay asked as Gun was not present in the meeting.

"Yes, he agreed to this role because he said that he'll be challenged with this role." P'Aof regarded him. "Although I personally think that with his caliber, no role will ever be challenging enough for him."  
  
"They're currently wrapping up the filming of The Gifted Season 2." P'Yuyui added. "He will be given a week's break to release him from the stress of Punn's role and will be back just in time for the shoot of the teaser of your series."

The meeting went on for just a couple minutes. As they were about to wrap up. Tay finally decided to ask something that bothered him.

"P'Tha, just a very important question."

"Go ahead, Tay. What is it?"

Everyone froze at their seats in anticipation of what Tay could be asking at the moment. Some held their breath expecting for something crazy to happen.

"Why was I never invited to play in The Gifted? Not even a minor role."

The tension eased up a lot and immediately, the entire room was filled with laughter.

"Hey, I'm serious here." Tay complained. And he was serious.

"It just doesn't fit your profile, Tay." P'Tha simply dismissed earning more laughter from the group.

=


	5. River

_"Tay, don't do anything stupid. Call me."_

Tay's sleepy eyes tried to focus on Alice's line message on his notifications. It was 9 AM and Tay just got up from his measly four-hour sleep. Tay arrived at his place around 3AM after they had a long day of shooting for the teaser of his new series with Joss. But took him awhile to finally fall asleep after hours of tossing and turning on his bed.

His mind was still being haunted by the events that happened in this particular room. He had tried a lot of techniques even resorted to herbals and aroma diffusers to help him sleep but nothing has worked so far.

That day he woke up to the sound of a ton of notifications on his cellphone.

 _"What is it this time?"_ Tay thought to himself as he forced his tired body to sit up. He was already used to getting a ton of notifications but that warning from Alice got his curiosity.

He dragged himself out of bed and gave out a yawn as he made his way to the kitchen. He continued checking out notifications from his line app. _"Where are you?"_ he read Off's. _"Hey."_ Arm's

He grabbed a glass of water and motioned himself to sit down. After a few more messages he decided to finally check out his twitter and see what all the fuss is about. He stumbled on his way down when at last he realized what happened. He saw the many tweets and tags from Polcas.

Tay groaned and scratched his messy morning hair as soon as the news sunk in. He felt conflicted on how he's supposed to act with the information he just heard. His heart wanted to do things but his brain held him back. He never felt so torn that he felt paralyzed. _"Tay, don't do anything stupid. Call me."_ Alice's message popped back in his mind.

It took him half an hour to finally decide to heed to her request. "Alice."

"Where are you? Still at your place?" He heard his friend's concern over the phone.

"Yes." He gave a dull reply.

"You've heard right?" Alice asked with hesitation.

"Um." Tay said as he caught a glimpse a picture of him with New on his book shelf.

"So, what are you going to do?"

Tay stood back up and threw himself on his bed. "To be honest, I really don't know." Tay sighed. "I'm pretty sure he's just here for work. I'm pretty sure not for long, too. I'm not going to try and do anything to interrupt him. Unless..." he paused on his thought and heaved another heavy sigh.

"...unless there's an order from the staff that we should do something together." If Tay had his way, he would have wanted to be asked to do fan service at that moment. With his indecision, he wanted someone to tell him what to do.

And back in the days, it was New who often did that for him. From simple things like where to eat, what to do on a free day, what to bring on a travel, and the sorts.

Even when met with a tough choice or when Tay doesn't know what to do, it was his buddy who made the hard decisions for him—accepting projects he's not confident he could do, selecting a new apartment, getting into business, and even the recent ones like him not getting involved in the mess that the younger was implicated in and finally ending the friendship that they had because it was already hurting them both.

The last one he was guilty of though as it was his actions that pushed New to do it. And when he finally came in terms with his own feelings three weeks ago, he realized that that was not he wanted. Not at all.

"Calm down, Tay. Okay?" Alice broke the silence when sounds of heavy breathing started to reach her side of the call.

"I am calm." Tay regarded her. "It's been 23 days, Alice." Tay's eyes began to water.

"You counted?"

"I want to see him and talk to him...", a silent tear drifted from the corner of his left eye. "But at the same time, I want to give him space."

"I don't know how he's coping so I better let things flow naturally and not push it too hard. I think it's too soon to try." He continued as all he got from Alice was silence.

"Did he try to get in touch with you, yet? You know, since the last time you talked?" she started to probe.

"No."

"Have you?"

"Not either."

Tay recounted the numerous times he wanted to do the opposite. God knows how many messages he composed but not finding the courage to send, the countless times when his thumb hovered over the call button on New's contact but his retraction won every time.

"Tay. Just call us if you want company", she offered.

"It's okay, Alice I have to film today with Joss anyway", Tay said as he wiped his sniffles away.

"You sure?"

"Thanks for worrying, Alice. But I'm fine really."

But fine was far from how he actually felt.

-

"CUT!" The director's voice boomed in annoyance. "Tay, if you don't get these lines right the next take then I don't know what I'm gonna do with you."

"I'm sorry P'Aof, I'm sorry everyone", he was not in his element that night. The news earlier still lingered at the back of his head. It was not helping that they were in the same location as he and New kissed in their OurSkyy epidode.

"You've said that the last 19 takes already. Stop saying sorry and just get these last two lines right", P'Aof was furious. "We'll take 5 and by then you should get your head straight."

Every one scurried off in different directions as Joss approached his partner to check on him. "Get your mind to it, Tay. It's the 19th take already."

"I'm sorry." He sat on the same bench he kissed New as some staff handed him some water and the copy of his script. He didn't need it. He knew his lines. But he could not bring himself to utter them.

"You're distracted, Tay. Your mind is wandering off." Joss stood behind him and massaged the older's tensed shoulders. "What's bothering you anyway? It's just two lines, Tay. How hard is it to memorize that?"

"I know. I'm sorry, okay?" he was annoyed at this point not at anyone, actually, but at himself. "Let me just take a breather", he said as he walked away from everyone and stood by the river staring the boats that were passing by.

"Tay, everyone's waiting", Joss called him and the two took their positions with Joss walking away from Tay, waiting for their cue.

"ACTION!"

Tay took a deep breath and mustered all the energy he has left to finally deliver his lines.

"Look, darling, don't give up when the water's rough", Tay said his line while grabbing Joss by the arm to turn to him.

He looked dearly at his co-actor's profile but it was New's that registered in his mind. Tears started forming at the bottom of his eyes.

There was a long pause in between the lines but P'Aof just let the scene carry on. He saw something in Tay's eyes that was uncalled for in the original script, but he liked where the actor was taking it emotionally.

Tay's bottom lip shivered before he finally articulated the last two lines "Where are you gonna go? My heart is your home. Nothing is as cold as running on your own"

The script didn't ask for a tear to fall, but a couple of them did anyway.

=


	6. Every Tomorrow

"Tay Tawan, sit down will you? I'm getting dizzy with you pacing around like that", an annoyed Joss called Tay's attention. Tay has been anxious all evening. The only time he was still was when they were doing his hair and make-up for the show.

"Why are you so worked up anyway?" Joss asked him while he's getting retouched by his make-up artist.

"I'm actually pretty nervous Joss," Tay regarded his co-actor. He finally stopped walking around and looked at his partner. His uneasiness still shows, however, with his crossed arms and trembling leg.

"Nervous for what? You've done this a couple times already. You even had a concert."

"I don't know why. But it's absolutely not because of what we'll be doing tonight." He did know why he felt that way and it was definitely not about the show.

It was the night of the 20x20 show. GMMTV is about to release to the public the twenty series lined-up for the year 2020. Tay was had two series for the year. He earlier already promoted an action series he would be doing and at this time they are about to promote their romantic-comedy series with Joss.

But that was not what he was anxious about. It was about New, the one who for a whole week made Tay look forward to every tomorrow.

-

"Alice, did you see it?" Tay took no time to call his friend on the phone.

"See what, Tay?" Alice seemingly puzzled at Tay's hasty tone.

"GMMTV's Instagram post." He put their call on loud speaker as he jumped on his bed with his entire iPad screen filled with his best friend's face.

"Which one?" Alice played dumb at this point but she absolutely knew what Tay was talking about.

"You know what I mean, Alice." Tay said with a hint of both eagerness and worry in his voice "He'll be here next week for the 20x20 show."

"So?"

"So. It means that he has a series. He's not quitting show business like l thought.'"

The company's post was yet the best indication that New was coming back to show business. It has only been a month from his break but for Tay, it already felt longer than that.

"Tay, we all told you not to overthink it, right? We knew he'll be back. As he said, his break is only temporary," she reminded Tay. They already had multiple conversations about New's break. No matter how they kept on reassuring him that the younger's break is temporary, Tay can't help but think that it might be longer than what the others think, or worse, permanent.

"That's just not it," this time the worry in his voice shadowed his excitement.

"Then what is 'it'?"

"We're not on the same show." Alice almost scoffed at Tay. Tay was swiping through the post to see if the sequence of pictures gave any hint as to what the other was doing. But to no avail, all he could see was what was posted together was his, New's, Off's and Gun's. And that didn't make sense. As far as he was aware, only him and Gun were acting together and Off surely would have told him something.

"So what Tay? It's not like you haven't acted without each other."

"He could be still avoiding me."

"Or GMMTV wants both of you to go on different directions," Alice tried once again to talk sense into Tay's unnecessary over analysis. "Again, this is not something unusual Krist and Singto haven't acted with each other since SOTUS S. Gun and Off is also not acting together next year."

"Yeah. But..." he tried to but didn't seem to find words to counter Alice.

"Look, Tay. You are overthinking all over again. Try to look at the bright side. He'll be here and you'll have the chance to finally talk to him and fix your relationship," she comforted.

A loud sigh was heard on the line. Tay buried his head on his pillow before finally conceding to Alice. "You're right, Alice. Thank you for talking sense into me."

"Now you better start thinking of what you'll tell him once you see him next week."

"Hmmm." Tay actually already played a thousand different scenarios on what could happen when they will first meet again. He wanted to be prepared and know exactly what he will say to his friend. But ultimately, he felt that all those will be thrown away when that event finally materializes.

"Got to go Tay. Arm is here already."

"Okay, Alice. Thanks again"

-

"Where is he anyway? He's late." Tay snapped back to the present trying to get his mind off New. He attempted to deflect his anxiety to his annoyance to their other co-actor whom he couldn't find since the start of the program.

"He's not late, Tay. He's already at the green room since he already came with his hair and makeup done," Gun, who was sitting in one of the lounge chairs spoke.

"He should be in holding room B if you're talking about the _other one_ ," Ciize playfully regarded Tay through the mirror as she checked herself out.

"What? Who?" Tay spun around and gawped at the young gal who's also in the series with them.

"My other series is with him. You know?" she puckered her lips as she fixed her lip stick. "The _'secret series'_ everyone is buzzing about."

"I honestly don't know who or what you mean, Ciize." He knew she was referring to New but he had zero idea about the secret series she's talking about.

"You'll see," she turned around to face at the puzzled Tay. Her eyes immediately darted towards the door and grinned.

"Good that you're here already." P'Yui's voice was heard all over the room. "But your team is assigned at holding room B. Hurry up and get changed. You're up in 10 minutes."

"Sorry P'. My flight was a bit delayed."

The tiny hairs on Tay's nape started to rise at the sound of a familiar voice. He wanted to turn around to the source of the beautiful sound he has not heard for a month but he just stood there frozen.

"Okay, we understand, New. Now hurry up and get done."

Tay didn't need to hear a name to put a face on that voice. He could recognize that deep sound even in his sleep.

"Got a stiff neck, P'Tay?" Gun teased.

"Joss, Tay, Gun, Ciize. Please proceed to the green room now," one of the stage directors called them.

Tay walked still looking dumb-founded with the rest closely behind him.

"What happened to you? You look like you're about to throw up," a smirking guy greeted Tay.

"Shut up, Oab." Tay's eyes immediately shot to the source of that remark.

Oab. He will play as the third guy to complete the love triangle with JossTay. The casting crew chose him for the role because of his great skill and his natural chemistry with Tay.

"He's been tense all night," Joss explained.

"Our lover boy's nervous," Gun said as he moved beside Oab.

"Shut up, Gun."

"You should have seen him earlier, Oab. He suddenly froze like he saw a ghost when..."

"Joss, shut up." They started to gang up on him now which was not unusual. They were already at it since they filmed for the teaser.

"P'Tay's vocabulary seems to be limited to just two words tonight," Ciize stated.

"Shu..." Tay caught his tongue when he realized he was about to say the exact same thing.

"You're up in 30 seconds."

-

"You should've seen your face when you almost tripped Tay," the group laughed when they reentered the holding room. They just finished with their promotion and it was a huge success apart from the near-accident Tay was involved in.

JossTay, as expected, was received well by the audience. But everyone went crazy when Oab was revealed to act with them. And of course, some OabGun moments were squealed at too.

"Classic Tay Tawan." Joss teased as the group minus Ciize sat on a couch watching the live broadcast from the TV.

They continued to joke around each other for the rest of the night waiting for the final call for everyone. Tay finally relaxed for the first time that evening

But that feeling was short-lived. A familiar piano intro tune played loudly through the whole venue. The laughter died down when everyone saw Tay's beaming smile leave his face.

He saw men and women clad in white, blue and orange one-by-one come up on stage. Ciize, Noon, Nammon, Arm, Toptap, Mond, Tytan.

"No. This can't be," Tay whispered at the realization of what was happening.

White and Piglet. Victor and Fon.

"No," Tay shook his head lightly with the feeling of the world about to fall on him.

And then his fear came to fruition as two familiar figures appeared. The crowd meanwhile went wild.

EarthNew. Center stage. Staring each other.

"No. No. No." Tay was still in denial.

Then an even bigger bomb dropped as the spectators cheered the loudest they had for the entire show for a very surprise no one ever predicted.

Earth and New were pushed apart from each other by another guy. New was now in between two buff men each holding one of arms. At first Tay didn't recognize who he was but as soon as the frame focused on the three on them, his heart sank deeper.

Kay Lertsittichai.

=


	7. Jealous

"Tay," Arm waved at Tay as people were slowly making their way out of the venue.

"I don't want to talk to you right now, Arm." Tay immediately brushed off his friend as he was making his way back to the holding room to get a touch-up before a scheduled interview at the lobby.

"But Tay." Arm tried to stop him. He knew why his friend was acting this way and he owes him an explanation.

"I thought you were my friend." Tay expressed his frustration at his friend. He continued dashing off to the room while Arm was still trailing behind him.

"I am. And you are being unfair right now." Arm let out his own irritation at how Tay was treating him at the moment. "You know I am not in the position to disclose anything to anyone."

"Whatever, bro." Tay rolled his eyes. They reached the room and Tay was packing stuff into his bag when he finally turned to his friend to ask, "Does Alice know?"

Getting no response from Arm, he knew what the answer was. "Unbelievable! After I've trusted her?" He clicked his tongue before proceeding. "Who else knows?"

"l only told Alice. I don't know with the rest." Arm just watched Tay as he was still throwing a fit over the matter. "Stop acting this way, Tay. Gosh, you are being irrational right now."

"And you're not even sorry." Tay glared.

"Well l'm sorry for making you feel this way," Arm in outburst seemed to have given up. "But I'm not sorry I didn't tell you anything. Let's talk again when you've cooled your head off." Arm left Tay to his own.

Witness to that drama was Gun who was on a nearby chair fixing his stuff as well. The younger felt the need to confront the person on a temper tantrum. "What are you doing?"

Tay scowled at the smaller guy. "What?"

"You can't just push people off because things didn't go your way."

"I'm not Gun. I'm just mad right now."

"At Arm and Alice?"

"No." Tay sat down and threw his head on his hands. "I don't know. I just feel mad that the entire world seems to be conspiring against me right now." He felt defeated.

"Isn't this what you wanted? To not have to work with him anymore?" Gun challenged.

"That's not true, Gun and you know it." Tay sternly said as he pointed at Gun.

"That's not what you told us months ago." Gun moved closer to Tay making sure that no one else can hear their conversation.

"That was a long time ago. I was angry when I said stuff. Things have changed." Tay confessed. It was true that Tay uttered those words a few months back at the height of their quarrel with New. Off and Gun were witnesses to many of his episodes.

"Didn't we tell you then to be careful of what you wish for, Tay. Look what happened."

"I know Gun you don't have to remind me." Tay stifled a laugh at that remark. "Just when for once the world finally listened to me, it chose the thing that for sure I would regret the most. How lucky am l?" Tay said sarcastically.

-

"How do you feel about getting to act with Tay again?"

"I'm actually quite excited. This is going to be fun." Oab gleefully answered a question from the media. He consciously tapped his right hand over the shoulder of a still distracted friend. "I had a blast on set when we did the Secret Seven series.

With Oab's touch, Tay snapped to his senses to focus on the interview at hand.

"But getting paired with each other is something new for both of you right?"

"Not totally," he casually continued. "I've always known that Tay has a bit of romantic feelings for me." He teased Tay eliciting a harsh reaction from him.

"That's not true." Tay forcefully took Oab's hand off his shoulder. "Stop making things up Oab." Tay glared and pointed at the mischief.

This was their usual dynamic and the fans and media are used to this already. Tay gets teased a lot by his friends—worst of them all was Oab. The latter also gets the same treatment from Tay.

"Hahaha. What I meant was we're close friends and Tay said in one of his interviews that he'd prefer doing kissing scenes with a close friend." Oab immediately pulled his hand to cover his mouth at the intentional slip-up. "Oops. I think I just gave out some spoilers."

"So there'll be a kiss?" One of the interviewers caught on it. And Oab, in jest, replied. "Or more. And probably not just with me." He said as he turned to look at Joss who was also standing beside Tay.

"You have to watch the show to find out," Tay added.

"How about you Joss?" microphones now turned to the tall man while he was asked on his sentiment about their upcoming series.

"Getting paired up with Tay again is such a blessing, actually. It is indicative of how well the public received us from 3 Will Be Free." As usual, the well-spoken man confidently answered. "This one is lighter than 3 Will Be Free. But as for the romantic scenes, you should watch out for them." He blinked at Tay and at the camera indulging the audience with exciting details about the drama.

It was Tay's turn to be asked. "Joss is a great friend so working with him will be no problem. I'm not entirely sure I can say the same thing about the other one." He made sure that the cameras caught him rolling his eyes at the guy on his left.

The three went on answering questions from interested reporters. Just when they were about to finish, Tay heard P'Yui's voice at the sides instructing, "Earth, New, Kay. Please stand by for your turn. I'll leave you three here for a moment. I just need to check on things inside."

Tay once again got distracted as his eyes kept darting on the three men who were approaching. The reporters thanked the three and they slowly made their way to the other side of the lounge for the interview with the main stars of Waterboyy 2.

"You guys go ahead." Tay waved at Joss at Oab. "I think I left something in the room." He made a lousy alibi.

Tay stood somewhere he could see and still hear the dialogue between the reporters and the three guys. He made sure that he was inconspicuous so as not to distract his friend.

But no matter how he tried, Kay's eyes caught his as the fair man half-smirked at him. His jaw even dropped when Kay coolly wrapped his right arm across Newwiee's waist. Tay felt his head flare up at the sight.

"We were all surprised that after 3 years, management decided to do a second season of Waterboyy the series. It's great to be reunited with P'New and the rest of the cast." Earth regarded the reporters.

"I'm very excited to be working with New for this project." It was Kay's turn to be asked

Tay silently cursed and was irked at the Kay's casual regard with New. "He's three years younger than him. He should be regarding him as P'. What a disrespectful kid!"

"This is my first lead role in a series and I am grateful to be acting alongside someone of his caliber," Kay also said as his eyes met New's who willingly returned the smile.

Tay was starting to puff his chest. "I don't like the way he's looking at New," he said to himself as sweat started to trail his cheek.

"We get along well. We've done a few projects together before but this is the first time we'll be spending longer hours and days together," New smiled as he answered.

When asked about the theme of the second season, it was Earth who said, "The script is not ready yet but according to the brief it will be more mature than the first one."

This earned the interest of the reporters. "You mean it'll be more intimate? The stairway kiss was probably one of the best GMMTV BL kiss of all time. Are you going to top that?"

It was Kay who answered, "l think it will be my turn to top that."

"Is that a challenge, Kay?" Earth reacted.

"Guys, please stop." New playfully placed his hands on his cheeks as if trying to hide a blush that wasn't there anyway. "You're both making shy."

"We already know Waii and Apo from the last one, we will just have to see how they grow in this season. But what excites all of us is Kay's character." New added.

"Are we allowed to say my character's name already? No?"

"You have to watch out for his character because it brings a new dynamic to the story," Earth explained.

"Will he be a home-wrecker?"

"Definitely not. I think his character will be a pleasant surprise to the audience. It is a new take and angle for a BL series. People will be torn between WaiiApo, and KayNew. Trust us. The story is that good that you will want to support one of the pairs without having to hate the other character."

When asked about their off-cam friendship Earth first answered.

"Our relationship outside the series is great. Although New and l are closer in real life since we've known each other long enough already. Kay on the other hand is relatively new to the industry so we need to guide him, although he seems not to need a lot of guidance."

"So far, I can say that New is very nurturing. He helped me a lot in the few scenes we did. He's a very warm person and I feel very comfortable around him." Kay said. He once again made eye contact to the man looking over at the sides as he said, "This makes me want to get to know him better."

"KayNew vlog?" reporters teased.

Tay was livid at this point. "What is he trying to get at?" He thought to himself as his leg started to shake in annoyance.

"That remains to be a question. New hasn't accepted my invitation, yet. You guys should help me convince him by tweeting more about it." Kay baited the audience.

"I would love to do it but unfortunately I am a bit busy with other projects. We will have to do it some time, though. I'd love to be in an internet idol's vlog." New politely tried to downplay that request.

"KayNew Meal Date?" Earth joked as they all laughed at the pun.

"It could be anything the fans want. Food, travel, adventure or educational."

"Whose car are you using?"

"Kay's." New immediately answered. "It's good to be on the passenger's seat sometimes.

The interview wrapped up as the reporters started to leave. Tay who was still at the sides tried to approach New who was clearly being flirted on by Kay. He wasn't supposed to be seen but his senses were once again overpowered by his emotion.

"TayNew?" One of the reporters exclaimed gaining silence from everyone. Tay saw Kay's brows furrow as Earth was calmly leading the latter away from the scene.

This gave Tay a brilliant idea and he stepped closer to the small crowd. New on the other hand was clearly caught off his guard by the sudden appearance of his friend.

"I'm sorry P' but management said that we can't be interviewed together today to make way for our separate projects." He courteously _wai'd_ at the reporters trying to avoid what could be an awkward situation for him.

"Actually, it's fine. Just three questions will do." Tay raised both his eyebrows at New who was trying to give him signals to cut it off. "It's going to be a harmless interview, New."

"We can't do an interview sorry P'." New said in a stern yet polite tone.

"l'm very sorry P' but he's right. No interviews," Tay said which earned a sigh of relief from New. It took only that short unguarded moment for Tay to move beside the younger and regarded the reporters. "But we can give a message, right?"

"Okay P' are you filming? Alright?" New's eyes immediately transformed from calm to panicked.

"What are you doing?" He whispered to Tay's ear as the older simply shrugged and placed his arm around New's waist. He made sure to do it so obviously that he saw from his peripherals that Kay walked out.

"3, 2, 1." Tay himself counted and started to speak directly to one of the cameras. "Hello Polcas! TayNew here. We just want to thank all of you for your continued support to both of us even in our individual projects. It's always heart-warming to see all of you even though New and I haven't been together much lately. New is just very busy with secret projects and all while l have to work on my solo projects as well."

He tried to sound happy and cute at the same time. New was just left to smile not knowing what to make of the current situation. "But don't you all worry. New and I are still best friends and we got each other's back despite being away from each other lately." Tay brought his other arm to now completely wrap New before he smiled at him. "Right New?"

The _yai nong_ knew better than to do anything that would alarm their loyal fans so he went along with what he thought was an act from Tay.

"Yeah, he's right. Thank you, all fans, for always being there you have been our strength all these years. Please continue supporting both of us." He gave his usual cutesy face that the fans have always loved.

Tay now completely disregarded the cameras and talked to New directly, "Fans are really worried about you getting so thin so they always ask me to feed you. They think I'm a bad person already."

"Wha-"

"Don't worry Polcas," Tay once again turned to the cameras. "I'm taking New to dinner tonight."

"I have a flight to catch." New protested. "So we better head out now. Thank you again. We love you. Bye-bye." Tay rushed to end the message and gave kissy faces and the ILY hand gesture to the cameras.

This cued the reporters to finally leave. Both of them stayed glued to each other walking out of the area until no one else can see them.

"Let's go?" Tay invited New still not letting go of him.

New squirmed his body out of Tay's grip and asked without even looking at him. "Go where?"

"l just told the entire world that we're having dinner tonight. You don't want them thinking that I don't keep my word, do you?" Tay challenged New as the latter was trying to walk away.

"That's on you. I said I have a flight to catch."

"New." Tay called out.

"Sorry. I have to go."

New heard long strides from his back coming to his direction. He dared not to look back and continued walking.

A pair of strong arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders stopping him from further walking away. A sudden warmth permeated his entire body and a familiar scent filled his nose.

"I miss you so much, New. Please don't do this." Tay pleaded with a cracking voice as he rested his chin on New's shoulders.

"Tay..."

=


	8. To Know Him is to Love Him

"Just like that? You mean nothing happened?" Off said in surprise at Tay's account on what happened 3 nights ago at the 20x20 show.

"He just walked away without saying anything?" Alice exclaimed. "And you just let him?" Arm reacted as well.

"Uhm. Yeah?" Tay nodded at his friends.

It was the Saturday after the show and the '91 squad was having lunch together. TayNew's interview were all over social media the past few days so the group interrogated Tay on what happened that night—better yet on what did not happen.

"Wow. That is so anti-climactic." Alice put her chopsticks down and slow clapped in amusement. The rest of them just gawped at the unusually relaxed Tay Tawan.

"Why don't you look disappointed?" Off asked.

"Yeah. If I were in your shoes, I would be devastated right now," Arm told Tay whom he already made up with just the day after the show. Tay called him to apologize for his immature reaction that caused them to argue that night. All was well and Arm just forgave him. He understood that it must be hard for Tay and it the reaction was not unexpected.

"I don't know guys," Tay leaned back as he explained his current demeanor. "There was something in his tone that made me feel comfortable at that moment."

"I wanted to get mad, or get frustrated but I just couldn't," a slight smile was seen at the corner of Tay's lips.

"So, let me get this straight," Arm sat up and recounted Tay's story. "You chased after him. He didn't say anything and just walked away. And you are okay with it?"

Everyone stared at Tay who just lowered his head to concentrate on his food.

"Man, you even look the happiest right now since last month," Off could only shake his head.

"He said something," Tay corrected them.

"What?"

"He said... my name," and Tay said it gleefully as the others were disappointed expecting for a better story than that.

"Like that counts for something?" Off playfully threw grain of rice at Tay's face.

"It was not about what he said or he didn't say. It was with how he said it," Tay continued to play with his food as he was starting to get embarrassed. "It was the first time I heard him say my name in over a month. The way he said it was like..."

"Like what?"

"I don't even know," he shrugged. "All I know that it's something. It's a start." He looked into the eyes of his friends one by one.

"And correction," he raised his index finger at them. "He didn't push me away. He waited for me to release my grip on him before he left."

Everyone just stared at disbelief at Tay's nonchalance to what they thought as New's continued avoidance from him.

"I think he wanted to stay but he had a flight to catch and he wasn't lying about that."

"How did you know?" Off asked.

"Twitter."

"So, you've been stalking him?" Arm eyed him like he's doing something ridiculous.

"I don't call it stalking when people tag me to posts about him."

"I don't get it," Alice sighed in frustration. "Neither do I," Arm agreed as he took her hand.

"I get it," Off blurted.

"See? Off should know," Tay pointed at Off as he looked at the lovers' way.

"He's just being his usual stupid self," Off comically declared earning the laughter from the other two.

"Piss off," Tay was annoyed. With his hands gently tapping the table at every phrase, Tay uttered, "He acknowledged my presence, guys. He didn't ignore me. That counts as something. It may not be much but it was more than what I expected to happen."

The three continued mocking him before he continued, "He could have stormed off or something. But he just stood there, relaxed, like he wanted us to be that way."

"Okay," Alice cut off the laughter and asked Tay. "Let's just say, and I'm not yet convinced, that you are not being delusional right now, what's the next plan for you?"

That got Tay thinking for a while and all he ended up replying was, "Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Yes nothing. I told you all before that I'll let things flow naturally this time."

"And you call that stunt of ambushing him to an interview _'letting things flow naturally'_?" Arm said as he put used his fingers to put air quotations for emphasis.

"Told you he's being stupid," Off added.

Tay was not having any of their mockery. "It felt right at that moment so it was natural for me."

"It was out of impulse," Off.

With a raised voice Tay cried out, "I was not jealous!"

"Hey! Nobody said about being jealous, I said IM-PULSE." Off reiterated.

 _"How the hell did I think about being jealous?"_ Tay thought as he avoided further questioning for he was ashamed of his sudden outburst. _"Was I jealous? Am I jealous? Of whom? Why?"_

Those questions lingered on Tay's mind for the rest of their lunch.

_Earth. I'm not jealous of Earth. He's a good friend. Well, he doesn't look bad, he has a strong and amazing body that New himself said he wanted to achieve. He's a great kisser though, or at least he's better than me as what the fans always say. Wait. Why did I just think of kissing?_

Tay shook his head with the thoughts coming into his head. He wasn't paying attention now to the conversation the group were having over lunch.

_Earth can drive. I can drive, I'm just lazy. Yeah Earth is one hell of a manly man. And he has Podd. So, he basically has everything going for him in life._

Tay was now staring at the window as he continued to trail off in his thoughts.

_Kay. I don't know any much about him. Fair guy. Buff guy. He's studied actuarial science so he must be pretty damn smart. An internet idol. What's so special about that? I guess he's fine. Just fine._

_He can drive, too. Heck New wanted him to drive for their vlog and New never lets anyone drive for him. Even Earth was a passenger. I don't like this guy._

Just as he continued making mental notes about what was making him uncomfortable, a familiar figure passed by the restaurant window.

"I just forgot I had to do something." Tay hurriedly stood up and grabbed his bag. "I'll just text you guys later."

"Don't do anything stupid, stupid!" Off howled at Tay who was now halfway to the door.

"Damn. He didn't even pay for his meal," Off rolled his eyes speaking to Alice and Arm.

-

"Kay"

The tall guy turned from his seat upon hearing his name being called out. "Hey P'Tay. Didn't realize you were here."

"We need to talk," Tay sternly said.

"Uhm. Sure? I'm a bit early for my meet up with some friends so we got a couple minutes. Please have a seat," Kay politely motioned Tay to the café seat opposite him. "Want to order something? It's on me. Don't worry a relative owns this place so I get good discounts." The guy called one of the servers who was about to hand Tay the menu.

Tay motioned the server to stop and regarded Kay, "Thanks but this I won't be long. I also just had my lunch."

"Okay sure. Now what do I owe the pleasure of meeting the great Mr. Vihokratana?" Kay smiled at his surprise visitor.

"I think you know why I'm here," Tay flatly answered with a very serious face.

"Hmmm." Kay put down the coffee that he just had a sip and shook his head. "Actually not."

"Stop this act, please." Tay chuckled as he rolled his eyes.

"What act?"

"I don't like you," escaped from the elder's mouth. Tay was surprised at himself for blurting out such straightforwardness to a guy he barely knows. But he had to keep a straight face. It's not that he disliked the guy, he simply does not like him.

Kay dropped his jaw so far down at the unexpected revelation from his senior "Excuse me? Where is this coming from?" He was totally confused.

"What are your intentions with New? I want to know."

"Oh. So, this is about him." He started to relax at the realization that what was happening could be a result of his actions three nights ago.

"Answer my question."

"What is it to you, though?" Kay eyed his companion.

"Well I'm his..." Tay tried to find the right words. "I'm his... best friend." That was the best he could do.

"Best friends don't need to know everything about each other," Kay had another sip of his coffee sensing a tang of jealousy from the older.

"We are -um- a different kind of best friends," Tay was already stuttering at the discomfort when the tables suddenly turned around. _"This Tay is what you get for acting without thinking."_ He thought to himself.

"Are you two even talking right now?" Kay threw a hard ball.

"Uh. I'm the one supposed to be asking the questions here?"

"Okay. To be honest, I like New," Kay sincerely confessed to Tay. He thought that there was no point in lying anyway. The guy clearly wanted some answers so he just went for it.

"What?" Tay clenched his fists at his side.

Kay moved his body closer to talk earnestly with the best friend of the guy he intends to date. "As you might have heard yesterday, I want to get to know him more. And we'll have plenty of time to do that when we start filming in about 3 months."

"And you mean this as a friend, right?"

"I want us to start at as being friends. I mean we already are. But I want to be more than that."

"Be specific," Tay ordered.

"I want to be his boyfriend, if that's what you want to hear," Kay bluntly replied.

"He's straight. You have no chance," Tay continued with his uptight act.

"I want to at least try."

"Why?"

"He's just...perfect." Kay's eyes were now filled with yearning as he tried to explain. "He's genuinely kind, smart—I love smart people who I can have deep conversations with." He smiled at Tay. "He also has this very calming presence that attracts me more to him, and a great sense of humor that lightens up even the dampest of moods. And it also helps that he is hella' attractive—cute face with a toned body, just my type. Just to see that smile of his, makes me think my life is worthwhile. Just knowing him makes me want to love him."

Meanwhile, Tay was just agreeing in his head with all the qualities that Kay was describing. But he snapped himself back and asked Kay, "You're? Gay?"

Kay shook his head, reclined back to his seat and had another sip of his coffee, "I haven't figured out that yet. Probably bi, or just plainly someone who gets attracted to someone regardless of their orientation."

Hearing nothing from Tay he continued to bare his honest thoughts, "You know what? I actually can't believe that after all these years you haven't fallen for him."

This comment left Tay speechless for a moment before reiterating, "He's straight. We both are."

"Attraction is attraction. Feelings are feelings. Love is love, Tay. Gender or sexuality is just a label." Kay sighed sensing some sort of discomfort from his acquaintance.

"Look, I know you're only looking out for your best friend, and I admire you for that. But I am in no way backing out just because you don't want me to pursue my feelings for New." In his thoughts though he had the notion that maybe there was something else that made the older confront him.

"Unless... unless you're going to tell me now that you have deeper feelings for him than a best friend does, then I will give way, Tay." He looked down at his own feet trying to face what could be a miserable reality for him. "You two are practically glued to each other. I know I can't compete with that."

Tay looked away not knowing how to react with the words coming out of Kay's perfect mouth.

"Look, I don't usually talk about myself, but I'm not a bad person, Tay. Please let me prove it to you and to New. I'd love to be on your good side being you're the closest person to him."

"I'll be good to him. I'll bring joy to him. And I really do hope that there'll come a day when I'll walk alongside of him."

"We're done here, Kay." Tay stood up and motioned to leave. "I'm sorry if I barged in and made you feel awkward or anything."

And Tay walked out of the café leaving both of them totally confused.

=


	9. Neon Lights

"New, please stay for a moment. We have something to discuss with you." P'Tha requested the young lad as soon as their brief for Waterboyy 2 had just ended.

"I'll just wait for you outside, New," Kay said and made his way out of the meeting room. New simply nodded at him as he sat back down across the managing director for GMMTV. Yuyui also remained at the room for what should be an urgent meeting.

New had no idea what the agenda could be. His best guess was about his decision to take a break from show business he expressed to his bosses around four weeks ago.

"How are you holding up so far, New? It's been what, 3 weeks right?" P'Tha opened with a casual conversation.

"I'm doing okay P'Tha." New replied with a hint of uneasiness in his voice. Although he completely trusts his boss, there's always a certain level of discomfort for him when talking about personal matters. "Thank you for giving me four months of break. I really need this."

"Look, New," P'Tha proceeded. "I still think this is a bad idea especially that people easily speculate on the private lives of our artists. You should know this first-hand as you've been the target of some negative feedback for months now."

Concern filled the voice of the managing director. Although the bottom line is always important for any business, the agency still believes that the welfare of their artists should be their priority. Some of their actions may not make sense to other people, but they were always looking out for the health of their talents.

"I'm sorry P' but I really need this." New firmly reasoned out. "I think the therapy has been going well and it is really helping me cope with everything."

This is one of the reasons New decided to take a break from acting. Months of getting constant hate messages from a bunch of people took a toll on his mental health. Despite the constant love and support he got from his loyal fans and close peers, his psyche was not in the best of conditions; factor in the need to suppress all of his emotions because of the nature of his work.

It was apparent to those who paid close attention. He was not his usual self, his appetite significantly dropped, he had trouble sleeping resulting to fatigue and lack of concentration, and he lost interest in a lot of things. His mother noticed all of these in one of his vacations back home and got her worried. She advised him to see a professional—a close family in the south who was a therapist. And they felt that it was best for New to be away for a while.

"I'm not asking you to come back to Bangkok this early, New." P'Tha understood New's predicament and did not want to interfere but something came up which could be a win-win for all the parties. "Luckily, we just might have found a way which could work. Yui?"

He motioned at the artist manager who handed New a folder labeled 'Confidential'

"Yes New. We received this a couple of days ago from CJ Entertainment."

"What's this?", he asked and opened the folder to go through its contents.

"They are asking if you could do another remake film with them. After the great success of Classic Again, they wanted to cast you again in another film," P'Yui gave a brief explanation.

"It's going to be another romance film that I'm sure you're very familiar with—Windstruck," she added.

"Are you kidding me? Windstruck?" His jaw dropped. He recognized the film so well. It was one of the many Korean drama movies that he cried to. He easily gets emotional with movies and he was never afraid to show it.

"Yeah. They actually need an answer from us in 3 days. So, what do you think?" she asked.

"What does this have to do with my break, though?" he wondered.

"Good that you asked," P'Tha smiled as he clasped his hands together to explain at the young star. "If preparations go well, filming will start in 2 months and will also last for about 2 months. Plus, the location will be at Songkhla so it's just near your home."

"How convenient," New remarked at how everything seemed to fit. He got what they were trying to hit at. In order for everyone not to raise more suspicions on his long absence in Bangkok, the project fittingly coincides with his schedules.

"That's what we thought, too." P'Yui sincerely smiled egging her talent to accept the project.

"We really think that this could work well with your situation, New. A secret project at the same time with your break and it's just around your city," P'Tha offered.

New was still going over the document handed to him and his eyes were clearly filled with a lot of questions. This didn't go unnoticed from the two so they relieved him from the pressure. "You don't have to give us an answer right now, New. But it has to be in three days."

Silence filled the entire room as New closed his eyes and closed the file. He heaved a deep sigh and a smile formed at the edges of his mouth. He's considering it, but he needs every bit of those three days to make a sound decision.

"We won't hold you long. We know you have just arrived and you need to rest," P'Tha dismissed them from the short meeting they had.

They all stood and the lady approached New and lightly tapped his arm on their way out. "Call us when you have decided," she said kindly.

-

"You've been quiet," Kay broke the silence inside the car he was driving. Nothing was heard from both of them but the occasional humming to the music playing. Since New just arrived at Bangkok that day and did not have N'Polar the car, the younger offered to give him a ride home.

"Just thinking about some things," New softly spoke watching the neon lights of the buildings they passed by. His mind was still running through the different scenarios that can play out with his decision on the offer that was laid on the table for him earlier.

"Is it something I am not allowed to know?" he probed. Not getting any response from his passenger, he surmised the positive. "Okay. I understand."

An awkward silence brewed once again. Kay was lightly tapping his index fingers on the wheel to the beat of the current song on the radio. "It's getting late, New. Why don't we grab dinner first before I drive you home?" he offered.

"Uhm. Thanks Kay but I have to pass on that offer."

"Hmm. But you haven't eaten anything the whole afternoon," he concerned. Kay and New were already together since around 1:00 PM, hours before their meeting started, and Kay was keen to observe that New haven't had any of the snacks and refreshments served.

"I'm not really hungry."

"Okay New. If that's what you want." Kay didn't want to push it because at that point, they were not really that close yet. He didn't want to be invasive just when they were just starting to get to know each other more. "But you have to let me treat you to dinner some time. And I won't take no for an answer."

"Hmm. Okay. I'll hold on to that offer. We still have plenty of time to be together in the coming months. I'll sure hold on to that offer." New smiled at Kay's cunningness. "And I won't ever forget it."

This made Kay smile as well on the thought that one day, he will have the opportunity to take his crush to a wholesome meal—not necessarily a date. Although it was a date that he really wanted.

After minutes of small talk and lame jokes, they finally arrived at New's apartment building. New unbuckled his seat belt and looked at the driver in the eyes to sincerely show his gratitude. "Thanks for the ride, Kay. You shouldn't have bothered. I could have taken the BTS or a taxi."

"It's okay New. I like yo—you know driving around the city?" the younger stuttered and shyly scratched his hair in embarrassment at the slip-up. New, however, was oblivious to it.

"You must be crazy. Driving around in this traffic is terrible," New sneered earning another bashful laugh from the younger.

"And I know that because I used to drive all the way to Ratchawat from the office before going back to Chidlom." He unconsciously shared a fond memory of his to which Kay was completely unaware what he meant by that. Not wanting to add any more to his embarrassment, New opened the car door and stepped out. "Umm. Yeah. Thanks again, Kay." He smiled.

Kay got out of his car to help New get his bag out of the trunk. Kay wanted to offer to walk him off at least to the elevator but ultimately decided against it. "Can I pick you up tomorrow?" He offered just when he closed the trunk.

"Please don't, Kay. I'll be driving my own car tomorrow. But thanks for the offer."

"Okay New. I'd head out then? Good night!"

New watched as Kay got back into the driver's seat and drove off to make a u-turn towards the exit of the building. Once the car turned the corner New pivoted towards the secured elevator.

He shuffled through his phone while waiting for the elevator to go down to the basement level.

"New."

New turned around and was surprised to see Kay back so soon. "Damn. You startled me, Kay." He laughed as he tried to recover his balance.

Kay can't help but stared at New's eyes for a couple seconds. He could feel his ear burn up and his heart race a hundred miles an hour. _"Be still my heart. It's freaking out."_ He lightly tapped his chest before reaching out a plastic bag with his other hand.

"Uhm. I know you said you weren't hungry but please take these protein bars." Kay kept his arm extended and just looked down on his toes tapping as he talked to the older. "I usually keep a lot of them in my car just in case. And I just thought that you might not have food at your place since you just got back."

"You didn't have to, Kay." New took the plastic from Kay's hand. New was not one to take advantage of another's kindness but he knew that Kay would be disappointed if he refused. New beamed a warm and pleasant smile at the latter's thoughtfulness.

"I know. But I want you to have them. I still got plenty left at home." Kay felt a jolt when their hands touched momentarily. He was glad New took the food. It may not be much, he thought, but he was genuinely concerned for New. It was the least he can do since his offer for a nice meal was already rejected earlier.

"Thank you again Kay. You should really head out now before traffic worsens."

"New."

"Yeah?"

"I feel great to get to work with you again."

"And I you, Kay."

=


	10. Guardian

"I miss you so much, New. Please don't do this."

New relished the warm body behind him. He missed this and he wanted to stay that way for a while. But he knew he had to go. It was not yet time—not when he knew he hasn't healed completely from his wounds; not when his scars haven't faded; not when he is not yet able to love himself again that he can give love to another.

Tay risked a lot to get to have this moment with New. He knew that there was no other way to get to him than tricking him to an interview. And all the while Tay saw New smile even when he's in pain. The kind of smile he sported for the past few months. For months he was witness to New feigning sane amidst the chaos, pushing beyond what's humane.

"Tay," was all that remorsefully came out of his mouth. A name that ever since he left, he was only able to call out in his nightmares.

 _"Tay, he called my name."_ Tay thought as he felt a sudden comfort in his mind. _"New acknowledged my presence."_ And to him it was enough. And all he wanted for that moment was for New to feel safe and secure around his arms. He didn't expect to fix their relationship right then and there.

They stayed that way for god knows how long. New remained silent, breathing in every ounce of that woody scent his best friend has always had. Tay too savored the moment as if he knew that that moment may not happen again for a long time.

As their hearts finally steadied and their breathing evened, Tay finally decided to slowly let go. _"I know you have to go, and I will patiently wait for your return. Please come back soon."_ –phrases he so wanted to say but his tongue was tied that he just watched the man slowly walk away from him without even looking back.

New wanted to look back but he feared that once he sees the man behind him, he'll once again see the hurt in his eyes as he did 35 nights ago. Yes, he too has been counting.

-

It was the morning of the first Tuesday of December when New decided to check his emails. Surely, he received an e-mail regarding his schedule for the month up to early next year. It was mostly blank apart from one event he had to do, a New Year's Eve event with Earth and Kay.

He checked the company's social media account and saw that Tay too had a separate New Year's Eve event with Joss and Oab. He sighed although he already expected it. The company was already starting to build up both of their separate series which will air on the second half of 2020.

He felt odd, though. For the past few years, New Year's Eve was always spent with his best friend either privately or at an event. But now, because of work, they had to do it separately.

 _Call when you have your flight schedules already._ The e-mail enclosed. He synced the schedule sent with his phone calendar. He can't fly back a day before as he had psychotherapy sessions on Mondays. And he wanted to spend the first of the year with his family. So, it's going to be another fly-in-fly-out setup for him again, which was not bad when he's trying to avoid someone.

-

"Tay Tawan what are you doing on my computer?" Yuyui glared at the artist who was caught red-handed sneaking through her files.

"I'm just trying to find my schedule P'," he gave a lame excuse.

"I already gave you a printed copy of it. Now move, I have to get things done," she firmly said. But Tay just sat there not budging at the orders of the manager.

"I lost it. You know me. I am clumsy and lose things easily. Now could you please tell me where the folder for the artists' schedules are at?" he tried pleading nicely as if that would work. He even tried to use puppy eyes against the stern manager.

Seeing this, she rolled her eyes and said, "I know what you're trying to do and no I won't allow it." She tried pinching Tay's side to get him off her chair.

"What? What a-are you a-accusing me of P'?" Tay stuttered and finally stood from the seat feeling guilty. "I was just trying to get my schedule. I never thought it was disallowed."

"Whatever, Tay," she proceeded to her seat. Just as she settled in, she felt her phone vibrate and checked on who was calling. She waved the other lad away and said before picking up the call, "in case you forgot, which you always do, schedules are also sent by e-mail. Now go check it on your phone or your iPad."

Tay just huffed and walked away as he miserably failed in his personal mission.

"New."

"Hey. P'. Good afternoon!" the man said from the other side of the line.

"How are you doing New? It's great to hear from you," she greeted.

"I'm doing fine P'. The rest is paying off. I just called in to inform you about my flight schedules," New replied.

"Oh. Is this for the New Year's Eve event, right?"

"Yes P'. It will be another same day flight for me. I can't fly in earlier because of... you know, the therapy sessions."

"I completely understand, New." She made sure her voice was not too loud to be heard by others. New's break was not an open topic. Because of its sensitivity and upon the request of the young man, only certain people were informed on a need-to-know basis.

"I'll just send you the details of the event and what you'll be performing once we have finalized it with the organizers. I'll expect you to practice on your own, okay?"

"Oyyyy." A loud scream was heard throughout the office which also distracted Yuyui. "Has anybody seen my iPad? I've been looking for it for an hour already."

The manager had to roll her eyes again at the scene.

"P'Nom's file tray," she heard from the other line.

"Sorry New? I didn't get that," she heard it correctly. She just wasn't sure what the he was talking about.

"Ummm. Tay's iPad." New shyly clarified. "He could have left it again at P'Nom's file tray while charging."

She heard a slight chuckle from the man which also earned a wide grin from her. "Okaaay. Hold on for a sec."

She yelled at Tay and repeated to him what New told her over the phone. Tay's eyes lit up and hurriedly went over to Nom's workspace.

"So where were we?" the manager resumed their conversation.

"Me practicing on my own."

"Ahh yes, you have to practice beforehand so that it'll be easier when we get to the ven..." Surprised, she was stopped from speaking any further when the lanky man suddenly embraced her tightly.

"Oy P'. How did you know it was there?" He said and ended the hug abruptly.

"I didn't," she raised her brows at him while wearing the broadest smile on her face.

This left Tay confused but proceeded in thanking her anyway with the sweetest of words. "Thank you P'. You're like me keeper for life as my guardian, my angel on call." He _wai'd_ at her and strutted merrily away.

"So where were we again, angel?"

=


	11. Talking to the Moon

It was an uneventful December for Tay. Although he had to work on most days, he was unusually disinterested in doing things. The long absence of his best friend is starting to take a toll on him.

During the day, he tried to cover up his loneliness with empty smiles and laughter. He drowned himself in work and practices for an upcoming New Year's Eve show with his co-stars Joss and Oab.

But at night, when he's all alone, the solitude kicks in.

"How are you, hin?" Tay whispered at the air as he looked up the sky. It was the eve before Christmas and Tay was at their family home talking to the moon. The moon wasn't bright, it was waning into its new phase. The fusion of smog and light pollution in the busy city of Bangkok made it difficult for stars to appear.

Stars. _"How lovely it would be if I could see them again."_ He wondered as memories of their Sri Panwa vacation came flooding in. Just as then, a familiar tune came up. The beautiful melodies filled his room and the air started to feel as cool as the night sea breeze.

Back to the time, on the night of Valentine's day, New was lying next to him soundly sleeping. He looked across and for the first time felt something inexplicable. He could remember that wonderful view of the moon beam shining across the peaceful face of his rock. He reached over and carefully brushed the strands of hair that covered his eyes to get a full sight of that spectacle. It took minutes before he fell asleep with that view engraved in his mind.

"I know you are out there, New; somewhere on the other side."

"Have I gone mad in hoping that you are talking to me too?" Tay continued his gaze toward the sky.

Like a fool, he stayed that way until the wee hours of the night. When he had enough of his loneliness Tay grabbed his phone and typed in a message for New that started with, _"Merry Christmas, New. I miss you."_

"Oy, Khaotang," he exclaimed when his pet playfully gnawed his arm causing him drop his phone to the floor. The dog wagged her tail and ran off around the room.

"Come here you little doggy," Tay went after the little pup that has yearned for her master's attention for the longest time. They played chase for a while before the dog stopped and barked at a picture of Tay with New.

"What? It's just his picture. You're still grumpy about him, eh?"

Khaotang barked at Tay this time and wagged her little tail. Tay grabbed her to his lap as he sat on his bed. "You miss him, too? Oh no you don't. You just want to someone to growl at." Tay proceeded to rub the dog's belly until they both got tired and fell onto his bed.

-

For four days Tay waited for New's reply to his message. He always immediately shot off at his phone to look at every notification he received hoping that one of those will come from hin.

"None. Nada. Zero," he told Alice as he irritably narrated how New seemed to have ignored his text.

"Be patient, Tay. He might not be ready yet," Alice casually replied as she drove her car to a find vacant parking slot. The squad was meeting up again to shop for clothes at Chatuchak Market.

"It's been more than two months, Alice." Tay's voice was now filled with desperation.

"And that's also two months short of his four-month break, Tay."

Tay clicked his tongue in annoyance. "So, I should expect to hear from him just after his break? A simple greeting could have been enough."

"And sending you even a simple greeting could be difficult for him as well, Tay."

"Whose side are you on anyway?" Tay turned to his side to glare at Alice who finally found a spot to park in.

"Seriously, Tay? Stop asking people to take sides. It's unfair and immature." She retorted. "We all are friends to you both and we didn't plan to get caught in the middle of whatever this is going on between you two."

"Pft. Whatever." Tay rolled his eyes and took out his phone to one again check the notifications.

Alice pulled over and turned off her engine before engaging Tay. "Are you giving up on him then?"

"Of course not," he raised his voice. "I would never. Never again."

"Then be patient, Tay."

"I know." Tay was dropped his phone on his lap when he saw that still none of the alerts was a message from New. "But I can't help but feel frustrated sometimes. That even now that I'm trying to reach out to him, he can't even bother to give a simple text."

"And don't you think this is what he felt in those months when you were the one pushing him away?" Alice said.

Tay remained silent at that realization.

"And I'm not saying that he's trying to be vindictive right now. I just hope that you try to see things from his perspective as well."

"What did you send him anyway?" Alice wondered at what could Tay have particularly sent New to have him so worked up at not getting a reply.

"Just _'Merry Christmas, New'_. That's all." Tay lied.

"Hand me your phone and I'll read if it's really worth giving a reply to." She put out her right hand.

Tay immediately grabbed his phone and locked it. "No, Alice. I need some privacy."

"Privacy my face," she chuckled at how shrewd her friend is being at the moment. "I've been at the receiving end of our countless nagging and you still cry for privacy? The nerve." She swore her eyes could have rolled back all the way to Mars. "C'mon hand it over." Her hand was still waiting for the man to give her his phone.

"Ok fine. Here." Tay unlocked his phone and half-heartedly gave it to the driver. Waiting for a reaction, he now nervously looked away and stole glances outside the window.

"Stupid! Stupid! Stupid Tay Tawan!" Alice blurted out while hitting Tay's shoulder with her clutch. "How stupid can you get?"

"What?" Tay moaned and tried to swat away any more of the hits coming from her. She handed Tay back his mobile phone and he immediately tried to look at what made the girl react that way.

"Next time," she raised her voice and lectured Tay who was now dropping beads of sweat from his temples. "Before you bombard my ears with your complaining, make sure that you get your story straight."

"Oh my." Those were the only words that came out of his mouth upon realizing his huge blunder. Alice stormed out of her car and banged the door loudly leaving Tay alone inside.

Three words in red. Message not sent.

"What should I do now?" Tay said as he was trying to catch up to Alice who was already walking towards their rendezvous.

"What you should have done four nights ago, send him a damn message."

"But I can't send him a Merry Christmas message three days after Christmas." Tay huffed and grabbed a bunch of his own hair in exasperation at his own misfortunes.

"Why not. _'Hey! I miss you!'_ or _'What's up?'_ or _'Hi sweetheart, miss me?'"_ Alice played with Tay. "It can be whatever you like, Tay. It doesn't matter if it's as short as your temper or as long as the Great Wall of China as long as it's sincere."

"But there's no occasion?" One of Tay's lousy excuses.

This prompted Alice to turn on her heel and grab both of his shoulders to try and talk sense to him. "You don't need an occasion or event to give you a reason to contact him. The only reason you need Tay is what is in here." She pointed to Tay's chest.

"Hmm. I'll text him on new year." Tay decided. His stubbornness only earned another eye roll from Alice who walked further away from him in irritation.

-

"What's up with you? You're grumpy again." Gun said as everyone's eyes darted toward Tay who just stormed in Off's place. It was the first day of the year and Off invited friends over to his place for a simple get together. There were quite a number of them including the usual suspects and a couple of GMMTV staff.

In the living room, Tay dropped his bag on the floor and sat between Joss and Oab. Around them were also Off and Gun, Alice and Arm, and Nannon while the rest are busy either at the kitchen or having a smaller circle of their own.

"It's nothing, Gun. Just woke up on the wrong side of the bed today."

"C'mon it's the first day of the year. Cheer up, stupid head!" Oab lightly smacked the back of Tay's head which earned a glare from Tay.

"Oab. Not now plea-AHHH." But before he could even finish, Oab touched his neck so close to his Adam's apple that he squealed. "Stop that! You know how I hate it when people do that."

"Unless you're New. He has all the privileges in the world." Gun took his turn in teasing Tay.

"Speaking of him, I guess this is why you are grumpy." Arm said as he showed everyone pictures of New and Kay at the airport circulating wildly at twitter.

"The drama lives on." Gun cried out with both of his hands in the air. He immediately dropped them around the neck of Off whose lap he was already straddling.

"Am I right? Or am I absolutely right?" Arm quipped and playfully raised both his brows at the sulking Tay.

"Piss off. Just leave me in silence, Arm." Tay buried himself deeper on the sofa.

"I see nothing wrong with it," Joss the least mean of them commented. "They were going to the same event so it is kind of expected for Kay to pick him up." He tried to pacify the situation and rationalized KayNew's actions.

"Absolutely. Unless when it was Tay." Nannon said as she reached out for some chips from the table.

"What do you mean?", Oab asked.

"C'mon Oab. Haven't you noticed it before?" Alice got what Nannon was trying to point out.

"Notice what?"

"Alice, stop." Tay pleaded. She zipped her mouth but it was Gun who spilled the beans. "New was Tay's personal grab driver. Even when they had individual jobs to do, New really goes out of his way to make sure he drops Tay off first."

"Oh. Is that the reason you've been frequently late? Coz you don't have your chauffer with you?" Joss finally joined in the teasing.

"Wow. The dedication." Oab commented while slowly clapping his hands. "I'm starting to like that guy now even though he doesn't like me." He winked at Tay.

"Nope. It's not that. He just doesn't like the way you tease me." Tay defended his man. New always reprimanded Tay when he thinks that Oab has crossed the line in terms of teasing Tay.

"C'mon. He does way worse teasing than me."

"No. Absolutely not. He's just... just..." Tay stopped trying to find the right words.

"Possessive!" Off, Gun, Alice, Arm and Nannon altogether said. This made the seven of them laugh.

"Whatever." Tay rolled his eyes as he turned his focus to his phone. He shuffled to his stored images trying to find a photo to post as a New Year's greeting on Instagram.

"Well. That's not all. I've got even more scalding tea." Off teased everyone with a juicy scoop.

Tay's ears shot at that and instantly glared at Off, "No, Off. You promised me you won't say a thing about what happened yesterday." If looks could kill, Off should have been dead on the spot.

"I didn't say anything about _'yesterday'_ , Tay." Off laughed as Tay bit the lure laid out for him. He spilled the tea himself and now got everyone's curiosity.

"What else happened yesterday?" Nannon asked.

"Off. No."

Off raised his hands in surrender to Tay but Gun squinted at him and said with an endearing voice, "Papii. Please tell us."

"Sshh." Tay hushed Gun and shot warning glares at everyone around. Gun went on to sniff at Off's neck. The little devil certainly knew what buttons to push just to get what he wants.

"Sorry Tay but Gun wins over you at any day." Off said.

"I'm out of here." Tay tried to stand up and leave to avoid what could be an embarrassing moment for him. But Joss was quick to pull him back down and pin him around his arms. Oab helped in locking his legs in place, too. "You're going no where Tay." Oab smirked.

"We shall witness you melt at the latest gossip from Off."

"Guys stop, really. Please. I swear I'm gonna hmmmm." Tay shouted but Nannon was quick to cover the former's mouth to silence him.

Tay squirmed in protest but to no avail. Joss alone was already strong enough to keep him at bay.

"Get ready to be amused at how Tay Tawan's luck is really the worst."

=


	12. Bad Day

"What are you doing here at 6 AM?" Off gruntled at Tay Tawan as he opened the door which was constantly being banged by his friend.

Tay barged into Off's apartment eyeing his friend who looked like someone who just woke up from head to foot. "I texted you last night about it."

"You were serious?" Off's sleepy eyes widened in shock. "I thought you were kidding." Off groggily walked toward his kitchen to grab a glass of water as Tay trailed him.

Tay messaged his friend the night before asking him, or more like ordering him, to get up early for an early morning visit at Don Mueang airport. Tay planned to surprise New who was coming back to Bangkok that day for work.

After his epic fail Christmas day greeting for his best friend, Tay was determined to finally start to patch things up with New before the year ends. And the only way he thought that that would be possible was meeting him at the airport before they head off to their jobs.

"Do I look like someone who's kidding you?" Tay seriously glared at Off. "We'll leave in 10 minutes. Hurry up." Tay left the kitchen to wait for Off at the living room.

"No. I'm not," Off screamed.

"Yes, you are, Off."

"I don't want to."

This got Tay annoyed and used his trump card. He hurried back to face his friend who was still moving slowly obviously still tired due to his sleep being cut off. "Do you remember the time when it was your second anniversary with Gun and you totally forgot?"

"Oh no. Nope. Not this, Tay." Off lifted his index finger and waved it.

"I saved your stupid face and you said you owe me a favor. This is my favor now."

Off remembered the incident oh so well. If it had not been for Tay's help, all hell would have broken loose when Gun realizes that Off forgot a very important date. Off begged Tay to hurry to the stores and buy an anniversary gift for his boyfriend. After Tay miraculously saved the day, Off promised him a future favor that Tay is gladly using now.

"No, Tay. Go do it by yourself. Stop dragging me into this," Off tried to discourage Tay but of course the latter was determined.

"Fine. I'll drive by myself," Tay casually retorted at Off who was taken aback by his response.

"What?" Off questioned as Tay open palm was directed at him.

"I'm using your car."

"No way. Never." Off stormed back to his room leaving Tay to lag behind him. "Do you even know how to drive?"

"I have a license, Off," Tay smirked at his friend's lack of confidence in him.

"That doesn't even answer the question."

"I have a license so that means I can drive a car."

"Uhm. That's not necessarily true," Off said as he violently shook his head. "Anyone could get a license."

"Have you even driven an actual car?" he added.

"Yes, of course!" Tay raised his voice.

"Outside driving school?" Off said with a knowing smile and a raised eyebrow at Tay. And Tay, being an honest man simply choked begging not to answer the question.

"It's either you lend me your car or you go with me," he deflected. "Or else I'm telling Gun that I was the one who chose the gift he so dearly loves."

"Are you blackmailing me?"

"Try me," he said as he raised his phone seemingly trying to dial Gun's contact. That was the last straw for Off. He couldn't allow Tay to reveal his dirty little secret and potentially have to deal with a disgruntled Gun at a show later that day.

"Fine. Fine. Fine. I'll be ready in ten minutes," Off said as he ran to his bathroom to get ready.

"That was four minutes ago. You only have six minutes left," Tay smiled as he was very pleased with himself winning the battle against Off. Tay felt that it will be good day for him and he is not allowing anything to ruin it.

But the war isn't over yet.

-

"What are we doing here anyway?" Off complained at Tay from behind the large face mask he was wearing.

"We're waiting," Tay spoke behind his mask as well as they took a seat by the arrivals section of DMK. Being recognizable stars, the two tried to be as inconspicuous as possible without being too suspicious gaining unwanted attention from guards and onlookers.

"How do you even know he's coming in today," Off crossed his legs and arms still clearly annoyed at the man beside him.

Tay eyes lit up as he shared his success story. "I secretly checked P'Yuyui's computer. His flight is today in the morning."

"What time?" Off challenged. Knowing Tay, he could've missed some important details.

"I don't know." Off rolled his eyes from behind his sunglasses at Tay's idiocy. "But his call time for work is at 11 AM so any time before that," Tay added.

"So, you plan to stay here for four hours?" Off groaned at the Tay's plan, or the lack thereof.

Tay shook his head and lifted three fingers. "Just three. My call time is at 11 AM, too."

"And you're also taking me to my event," Tay made sure to add in that special _'request'_.

"Hey. In case you forgot, I also have work today," Off protested. He was also having a NYE's show with Gun. "Two hours is the most I can do or you'll have to explain to GMMTV why I'll be late today," he threatened Tay who conceded with that as he had no choice.

"Fine." Tay relaxed into his seat as well.

"So, your plan is just to sit here?" Off repeated.

"Yes."

Off heavily sighed and momentarily stood up. "I'll be off, Tay. I'm grabbing breakfast in case you forgot that I haven't had any." Off already took a few steps before Tay called out.

"Hey. Grab some for me, too." Getting no response from the elder he added, "I know you love me."

"Yeah. Yeah. Whatever." Off brushed him off without looking back.

-

"Tay. Please Tay me you've thought this one through." It was ten minutes to ten in the morning and there was still no sign of New.

"I did, Off," Tay answered as his eyes were still alert at the screen for an arriving flight from Hat Yai. There have been two arriving flights so far but they haven't spotted hin yet.

"It's been almost two hours and still there's no sign of him. Maybe we missed him already."

"I've been alert on the lookout, Off. I'm sure not even his shadow has been here, yet. There's one more flight coming in any time now. I think this will finally be his flight." Tay was faking a smile with his to-go coffee in his hands. The wait was making him anxious and every minute without seeing New takes away a bit of his hope.

"What are you telling him when you two meet?"

"Erm." It took Tay some time to answer "Uhm. _'Welcome back?'_ and _'I miss you.'_ "

"That's it?" Off scoffed at Tay who clearly did not think his plan through.

"I have other things to say and it should be private between us," Tay lamely excused but in his mind, he thought that he would just be winging it and the words will naturally come off his mouth.

"Okay, Tay. Whatever. Fifteen minutes and I'm heading Off. I have more important things to do than witness your love confession to New," he teased as he focused back on his cellphone to check out social networking sites.

It was not long when Off shot up and removed his glasses causing Tay to look at him in surprise, "Well, well, well."

"What's with that death glare?" Tay asked.

"Seems like I really don't need those fifteen minutes and I just wasted some precious time for beauty sleep because of your utter stupidity." Off stood up and tried to make his way back to the parking area.

"What do you mean?" Tay ran after him, rather confused at the sudden remarks of his friend.

The blue sky is starting to fade to gray as just as Tay's mood was getting dampened.

Off stopped on his tracks and pivoted to now face Tay with a sarcastic smile. "Ever wondered why none of his fans are even here?"

Tay was still clueless and his face still completely blank. He lightly shook his head signaling Off to proceed.

"You should have checked what airport he's landing in, idiot."

Off handed him his phone showing a footage from some of New's fans.

New just arrived at Suvarnabhumi Airport.

And it was not just that. Walking beside him and carrying one of his bags for him was the last person Tay wanted to see.

Kay.

=


	13. What Happened to Perfect

"Tay~. That is so embarrassing," Gun expressed his secondhand embarrassment from Off's account of what happened to them the day before.

Tay was finally released from the tight grip of Joss and Oab who can't help but laugh at their friend's misfortune.

"Classic Tay Tawan," Joss joked. Tay's elbow found its way to Joss' broad chest. He doesn't like it when someone teases him that; except of course for New.

"And you had to involve Papii? Poor you," Gun cupped the cheeks of his boyfriend feeling sorry for getting entangled in the situation.

"I volunteered because I love our friend right here," Off motioned his hand to Tay. He was being sincere this time. But Tay only viewed it as mere mockery.

"Shut up, Off," he glared and went back to phone still looking for a picture to post in his Instagram.

"Actually, I just wanted to witness your stupidity," Off retaliated and rolled his eyes.

"Then why didn't you just send him a text or called him after the event?" Alice asked. "Or meet up with him?" Arm added.

"He already left for Hat Yai early dawn," Tay replied without looking at his friends.

"Then go to Hat Yai. You are on break for four days this weekend, right?" Oab suggested to Tay to do something he thought his friend should have done weeks ago.

"It's not that simple, Oab," Tay huffed. "He probably still doesn't want to see me," he continued with a fading voice. He was still unsure of everything despite always being deep in his thoughts for over two months.

"Probably. But you'll never know unless you try." Joss casually said throwing his arms over the older.

"And you didn't even contact him yet. Not since your stunt at the 20x20 show," Alice stated this as a fact she knows so well.

With all these suggestions, Off felt that they were getting into Tay and were causing him more pressure. "Let's not force Tay to make these decisions, okay?" Off hushed everyone who were all looked at him in surprise over how he seemed deeply concerned at Tay.

"Who are you and what have you done to Papii?" Gun blinked at his boyfriend.

"I mean, I've had enough of Tay's impulsive decisions. For once, and for a decision as big as this, let him think this through" Off explained. "Thoroughly," he emphasized.

Tay eyed Off and silently thanked him for what he just said. He was glad that despite his friend divulging their disastrous encounter, he left out the most important details. He felt secure knowing that Off was really on his side.

"Papii, I'm starting to get jealous of P'Tay," Gun said as he was using all of his strength to shake his boyfriend's shoulders. "You're too sweet to him."

"Don't worry, Gun. It's you over him any day," Off gently pinched the cute little nose of his sulking boyfriend.

"Only over him?" he shook his legs which were not long enough to reach the floor.

"Okay, you over any one," Off reassured and gave him as slight hug to which the younger willingly took and eased his way inside Off's neck.

-

"Would you please stop sulking, Tay?" Off regarded his friend who was still completely dazed by what he saw on Twitter earlier. He was completely silent staring blankly into space as he sat on the shotgun. "You'll have your chance to talk to him. It's not like it's the end of the world."

"It's not that, Off." Tay replied blankly.

"Then what is it?" Tay remained silent and seemed disinterested in the topic. "It's Kay, isn't it?"

Off hit the mark. Tay was completely mum so Off dared, "So, you are jealous of him."

"I am so not, Off." Tay completely changed his disposition from bemused to totally annoyed. At what or at who, he still can't decipher.

"Then why are you acting this way?" Off asked as he slowed down his vehicle when the lights went red.

Tay clicked his tongue before answering, "I don't like the word jealous. I can't be jealous. I'm just..." Tay hesitated before honestly expressing his doubt, "I don't even know if he still considers me a friend after everything that happened this year."

Off accelerated as soon as the lights went green. "New won't abandon you like that, Tay," he reassured. "I have known him as long as I have known you and he is not one to give up easily on friends especially that he only has a few of them."

Off was right. New was the aloof kind of person. Although he was kind and friendly with everyone he meets, he rarely considers people as his friends. The label, friends, was to him limited to a few very close persons whom he has intimate and valuable relationships.

"What if he finally got tired of me, Off?" Tay can't help the cracking in his voice. He clearly is bothered once again as the scene in his room flashed back.

"Tired? After what you did? Maybe. But to make it a point to cut ties with you permanently? He is beyond that, Tay. It would be an insult to him for you thought of him that way."

"But Kay..." Tay trailed off.

"What about Kay? What is with Kay that's making you feel this way?"

Tay felt a knot in his stomach before he disclosed to Off something only he knows. "He likes New."

"Of course, he does. And he should. It's his job and everything is obviously for fan service. You know how this industry works." Off played it like Kay was just doing it for his work like how almost all BL actors usually do.

"Actually, it's real." Tay sniffed a bit. "He told me he wants New to become his boyfriend."

"And he didn't have to fetch New for fan service today. No one else knew that he was flying in today." Tay recalled that he browsed through their manager's emails, New specifically wanted no one to know. This made him wonder even more why Kay was there. He supposed that New personally told Kay. Or Kay pestered New to inform him.

"How do you know all about this. And is Kay even gay or something?" Off was surprised at Tay's statement but was still skeptical about it.

"At first I was confused too. So, I asked him personally."

"You confronted Kay? When? Where? Why?"

"The day we had lunch at Siam Square."

At the opportunity of a full stop because of the heavy Bangkok traffic, Off looked at Tay and even nudged his shoulder. "Oh yeah. I remember now. Thanks for reminding me that you owe me 400 Baht for the meal." Amused at the other's specific memory, Tay only looked at Off. "Okay go on."

"I did it out of impulse again." Tay regrettably said.

"Because you were jealous." Off remembered well what Tay blurted out that day. _"How could one mistake impulse for jealous?"_ Off thought.

"And now I realize have every reason to be."

 _"Got you. And you finally admitted it."_ Off thought and he could only smile as Tay impliedly admitted that he was jealous of Kay. Off knew better than to shove it into Tay's face and just continued asking, "And why is that?"

"He is everything I am not, Off." That was the best Tay could come up. He sounded so little and insecure upon saying this.

Off could only side glance him as he focused on driving.

"He is way smarter, way more responsible, and he is a provider unlike me who was just a burden to New."

Tay sighed heavily as he finally revealed the cause of his deep jealousy over the newcomer, Kay.

"I was so needy dragging him everywhere without even asking if he's tired. I ask him to drop me off everywhere even when I know that he's heading the opposite way. I let him do all the planning whenever we travel, heck he even packs my stuff for me." He elaborated why he thought he was a lability to his friend.

 _"I wish I knew how to be a better friend."_ New's words once again filled Tay's thoughts.

 _"If only I told him that he was the best friend anyone could wish for."_ His heart and mind filled with regret.

There were so many things that Tay wanted to say but he didn't know where to start. He found it hard to pick up the pieces of his crumbling heart.

"He looks after every single mistake I make and even goes out of his way to look for things I have misplaced. He brings order to my extremely chaotic life."

Off wasn't liking Tay's train of thought so he decided to cut him before he further destructs himself. "And he did all of that voluntarily, Tay. And he was happy doing them for you because he cares so much for you."

"Look, I've seen you two together for a long time and you probably never heard this from me but here it goes so listen carefully," Off continued.

"You fit each other too well, you complement each other. You had what people envied as a perfect friendship."

This statement silenced Tay. He remembered when they used to make each other laugh, and every joke was always better than the last. Tay longed to bring it back to this and he thought that maybe he just needs to reminisce and work it out.

Among all of their common friends, Off was the one who was closest to them both. He was witness to how the friendship of the two deepened throughout the six years they've known each other.

Off was always the mediator to the two who always fought and bickered. But even after all those years, this current situation was something Off had never seen before. He admitted that this one is most difficult to resolve because above anything else, it involves deeper feelings, unaccepted truths, and life-changing decisions.

"It's not always about what one does to who, Tay. Sometimes it's just about who you like doing it with. New is a provider and you are quite the opposite to that and that's okay because he loves being the provider for you."

"And you may not realize it now but he needs something from you, too. You also bring something valuable to your relationship that made New stick with you."

"Heh." Tay managed to chuckle at Off who he thought was out of his mind. "You're just saying that to comfort me."

"Seriously, I'm not."

"What could a Thitipoom Techaapaikhun need from a Tawan Vihokratana?"

"Your babies," Off rolled his eyes at Tay for that tremendously stupid question.

"Off," Tay shrieked and glared at Off's joke.

"Stop selling yourself short, Tay. You are not a worthless piece of crap like you always seem to be. Sure, you are stupid, a dork, weird, immature..."

"Off..." Tay stopped Off from enumerating any more of his flaws.

"As I was saying, you are one odd ball and you get teased a lot for it but that's not all that is in you, Tay. Haven't you noticed how you naturally draw everyone's kinship?"

"And even New held you so dear for something he truly values."

"And what could that be?"

The driver heaved a deep sigh before revealing his thoughts to Tay. "Permanence."

"You know how he lives his life and the things he went through before you came. You are his only constant, Tay." Off said as he reminded his passenger of New's personal struggles. "You stayed when no one else did. You are you and you are more than enough for him."

"And when everything else was crumbling for him, Off, I was also the first one to walk away. Now tell me if I am still that permanence you're talking about."

Off let out a heavy sigh again. It was difficult to counter a self-deprecating Tay.

He turned to the curb as they now arrived at Tay's drop off. Before allowing Tay to leave, Off cautioned him.

"Tay, let me just say this once and for all. Before you try to do anything once again to clear up things with New, I hope you clear things up with yourself first. Be clear on what you really want to make of your relationship with him."

"What do you mean?"

"You're confused, Tay. Very confused," Off explained his concern. "You've been telling us that you only want to get back with New as friends but your actions and your honest feelings tell us otherwise."

"But..." Tay was once again trying to play the 'were just friends' card but Off didn't allow him.

"I don't want to hear any excuse from you this time, Tay. Just... just think of what I said. And don't put Kay in the picture first. Think about you and New."

Tay looked down and sighed at Off's advice. They fell silent for a while before Tay finally motioned to get out of the vehicle for his job. But before he did, he made one final request.

"Off, promise me you won't tell anyone about what happened today."

"Okay. Now hop off my car 'cause I'm running late." Off lightly said and signalled Tay to leave.

Tay gave Off a warm and tight hug which the latter awkwardly took. "Thank you _pueng_."

"Ew. Stop it or I'll literally kick you out." Off squirmed his body off the younger.

-

Everyone was busy doing their own stuff while Tay remained seated as he finally posted his New Year greeting on Instagram.

He paid little attention to the conversations happening at the scene. His eyes were still on his phone but his mind was still trailing off, wandering.

A notification popped up and Tay's eyes widened, his heart raced, and his hands trembled. From utter worry, his face suddenly lit up and his face tensed as he was clearly trying to stop himself from grinning ever so wildly.

Gun noticed him and lowly regarded everyone else. "What's up with him? His mood abruptly changed? How weird."

"If there's one word to describe Tay, it has to be weird, or stupid. You choose," Off kidded.

"I know why." With a knowing look, Alice showed everyone the cause of the smile Tay was clearly holding back. "Look."

Everyone but Tay came closer to see what Alice was pointing out. Everyone rolled their eyes and started walking away.

But Oab was still confused. "I still don't get it," he whispered to Arm.

"Why don't you ask him?"

Oab proceeded to scream at Tay his question.

"Hey Tay. What does 10,000 mean and why are you grinning manically all of a sudden?"

=


	14. Back To You

"Sorry, Tay but I don't support this plan of yours. You're acting out of impulse again." Off said as he was trailing Tay and Alice while they were walking towards the check-in counters of DMK airport.

"Off, this time, I'm sure of what I'm doing. I've thought about over the week." Tay tried to convince his friend that he's made up his mind and this time it's for real.

"I'm just here to support whatever your decision is, Tay," Alice rubbed her hand against Tay's back. "Just be sure that you are ready to accept whatever the outcome will be," she added in a warning.

But not even the most negative thing could dampen Tay's mood for the day. "I have a good feeling about today, Alice." He smiled as they continued walking.

"I'm finally getting him back." He turned on his heel and faced his friends with a wide and full grin. Tay was oddly optimistic about his plan. He's been in a good mood since the first day of the year.

"Finally getting him back as what?" Off asked while giving Tay a stinky eye definitely trying to referring to their car conversation with Tay.

"As my best friend, of course, Off." Tay confidently replied without getting bothered by Off's question despite knowing what he was trying to get at..

Off rolled his eyes at Tay who was clearly not in the same page with him. "If you say so. But never tell me I didn't warn you." He pointed his finger at Tay.

"Warn me about what, Off? What could go wrong about me finally facing New?" Nothing. As is nothing was bringing Tay's enthusiasm down.

 _"What's the point in hiding now? Everybody knows New and I got unfinished business and I'll definitely regret it if I didn't say what I am supposed to say",_ Tay's thoughts were that he was convinced that he's making the right moves.

"You know very well what I mean, Tay." Off was now annoyed at how Tay was taking this situation lightly again. If only he could smack his friend to come to his senses. He could smack his friend, but he wasn't sure that that is enough to bring him to his senses.

"And it's you were talking about. Everything could go wrong."

"Way to go being supportive, Off!" Tay just laughed at the older's attempt to remind him that he was disaster Tay. Tay was confident and not even bad luck could stop his plan today.

"I'm just being realistic here."

"Enough, Off." Alice finally interrupted. "Let's just send Tay off as supportive friends, okay?" She said as she handed Tay his bag making sure that his tickets, passport, wallet and everything else were there. She had to. Since New was not travelling with Tay, she just took it upon herself to double check everything.

"This is it. Wish me luck guys." Tay said as they reached the counters.

"Yeah. You probably need all of it," Off was at it again.

"Now make sure you don't miss your flight tomorrow. You still have to work early on Wednesday," Alice reminded, making her sound like Tay's manager.

"Got it, Alice. I'm just staying for one night. That's it," he reassured them.

The two stayed and observed Tay until the latter waved back at them after checking-in and proceeding to the pre-departure area.

And out of the blue Off called out his friend, "Hey Tay!" Tay heard and glanced back. "Do you even know where New lives or even where to catch him today?"

Both could only roll their eyes when Tay's face suddenly turned pale.

Disaster Tay indeed.

-

During the flight, Tay still couldn't forget the day when New commented on his IG post. He talked about it all night with Alice who drove her home. New's simple comment was stuck in his head and he can't get New out of it.

"Do you know what this means, Alice?"

"I see it as what it is, Tay. A simple Instagram comment." Alice said not wanting to give the guy false hopes.

"No, Alice. It's the first time he made any sort of contact to me." Tay was extremely happy alright; but he was also anxious and nervous not knowing what to do or how to react at this development.

"He's ready, Alice. He's ready for us to fix our friendship," he said as he continuously rubbed his thighs still feeling the adrenaline from the events earlier.

"How about you, Tay? Are you ready?" Alice turned the situation around.

"I have been long ready for this, Alice." Tay was beaming and lit up the dark roads of Bangkok. "I have just been waiting for any sign from him that he's ready as well." Tay was adamant that even after everything, he'd still go back to New.

"Did you reply to his comment, yet?"

"Oh my god, I totally forgot." Tay's face filled with horror upon realizing that he just left New's comment unanswered, not even a like.

Alice caught on this and laughed at her passenger, "Hahaha. Because you were too engrossed at the moment and were just all smiles since that comment."

"What should I reply? Should I reply? Or should I just send him a message?" Tay got more confused.

"It's your call, Tay. It's your post."

"But I don't know what to reply." Tay quickly browsed through his playlist looking for a song with lyrics that could fit the situation. "I should reply. If I don't it would seem that I'm still mad at him which is not true. I'm not."

Tay started playing and replaying old conversations. He was starting to overthink again and he hates it.

"Is it really that difficult, Tay?"

"Uhm Yes?"

Alice saw how Tay's thumbs were busy typing and erasing over and over again. He was putting too much thought into it that he never got satisfied no matter what.

All of a sudden, Tay came to a full stop, relaxed and smiled. "You're smiling. What did you do?"

"I finally know what to reply."

"What is it."

At the first opportunity of a red light, Tay quickly showed Alice what his reply to Newwiee's comment was.

A blue heart emoji.

"Ugh." The girl cringed. "You two and your secret codes. I hate you both."

-

"P', I'd like this one please." Tay pointed at a chocolate cake displayed in one of Hat Yai's most popular artisan bakeries. He remembered so well how New was always raving about this shop and how he always said that Bangkok's dessert shops all paled in comparison.

"This chocolate cake? Would you like a slice or a whole?" The server asked.

"Hmm. I'd take a whole please. I'm feeding a dessert monster," he replied and then the lady gave him a knowing look.

"Ooh. So this is for one person only? How lucky of her," she presumed.

"It's a him actually," Tay corrected. The lady looked pleasantly surprised but Tay was quick to dismiss any wrong idea that the lady might have. "It's for my best friend."

"Wow. I wish I could have a best friend like you," she said as she picked a box of the selected cake from the chiller and handed it to the handsome customer.

"Thank you P'" Tay politely _wai'd_ and hurriedly made his way out to call a taxi. Tay's hands were now full with bag hanged over his right shoulder, a cake on his right hand and his phone bunched up with some flowers on his dominant hand.

"P' To this address please," Tay showed the driver a screen shot of what he suspected as New's address.

Tay was actually in panic mode at the plane because, once again as typical of him, his plan wasn't as well prepared as he thought it was. Luckily for him, he remembered that he once ran an errand for New to send an important parcel to his parents.

Tay was about to pay the driver the fare when he caught glimpse of his best friend hopping into a cab that immediately left.

He felt excited that his plan actually worked and he has located his friend. But luck was not much on his side when he just missed him by seconds. "I just missed him, could you please follow that taxi?"

"Are you sure we are not doing anything illegal here? Why didn't you just call him to tell him you missed him by mere seconds? He could've gone back," the driver was curious.

"He's my friend P' and I was just about to surprise him. He doesn't know I am here in Hat Yai." Tay explained as he was worried too that the P' might get a wrong idea that he was driving a criminal.

"Where are you from?"

"I'm from Bangkok."

Seeing that the driver still wasn't convinced, he went all out to prove his point. "I'm really not lying P'. See? I even have a cake to surprise him."

The driver relaxed and started to drive trailing the cab which was not yet too far from them.

"It's his birthday?"

"Nope. Just paying a visit." Tay smiled.

The driver was shocked at the effort that the young man was doing for his friend. "Wow he really must be special to you that you flew all the way from Bangkok just to give him a box of cake. There are special delivery services for that now you know."

"He's my bestest friend," he tried to justify his actions.

"Hey." The driver's tone got eerily serious for Tay. "I'm not judging you or your people."

"Huh?"

"You see, my son is gay and I love him. Yeah at first it was hard to come to terms with it but my love for him will never lessen just because he chose to love another man."

"P' it's not like what you think. We're really just best friends." Tay raised both of his hands and waved them in unison with the shaking of his head.

"So were my son and his boyfriend," the driver continued his story as Tay shrunk into his seat and was getting more and more embarrassed. "We didn't expect it to be them, actually. They started off as high school rivals. They were like oil and water; they never got along well. Then one day they became really close friends and all of a sudden, a couple."

"Neither of them really knew how it happened, too. It sort of just did."

Tay fell silent at the driver's assumption that he and New were a thing. But for some reason, he just allowed the driver to continue his story. He feared that the driver might mistake his firm disagreement as being disrespectful to the gay community.

"Look. I'm sorry if I'm intruding much into your life but are you really sure your just friends?" The driver apologized as he saw through the rearview mirror that his passenger was getting a bit uncomfortable.

"I just see fondness in your eyes like the way my son's boyfriend looks at him."

Tay remained silent deep in his thoughts. _"Why does everyone think we're a couple?"_

"Ok sorry. I'm gonna shut my mouth now."

Not long after, the cab they were following came to a full stop at a peaceful neighborhood of what seemed to be well-off families. Tay instructed his driver to stop not too near to not to spoil the surprise.

He saw his best friend hop off and walk toward a one of the huge gated houses which had luscious greenery and a very zen garden.

He hopped off his taxi as well and observed the younger from afar. He hid behind a large tree away from the sight of his buddy. Suddenly, the air felt cold and he didn't feel as good as he was in the morning.

"Whose house is this?", he mumbled to himself. "New never mentioned anyone that lives in this area before."

New pressed the doorbell and waited for a just over a minute before a lady wearing a modest but classy sea foam green dress opened the gate. From the looks of it, she was just around their age. She was just a few inches shorter than New, had fair skin, beautiful long black hair and a body that was in great shape.

They leaned over each other to fold into an embrace that lasted more than what Tay would have wanted New to give her. He looked over the face of his friend which was very calm and happy.

Too calm and happy.

At this point Tay was already slightly shivering causing the box of cake to fall off his hand and a tear to silently drop from his eyes.

The unknown lady and her guest finally broke their hug and went inside.

"Why?"

=


	15. Easier to Run

"Off, please help me," were the first words that came out of Tay's mouth as soon as his friend finally picked up his call. It was about 20 minutes since he first dialed for his friend who was probably working at that time.

Off was immediately filled with panic as he heard long shuddering sobs from Tay on the phone. "Tay? Are you crying? What's wrong? What happened?"

"New. I saw him, Off." Tay said in between loud huffs.

"Calm down, Tay, please. I can't help you if you're being like this." Off was deeply worried about his friend. The last time he heard Tay this devastated was at the karaoke bar about three months ago. And he was right, it was once again all about New.

"It hurts, Off. It hurts so much," Tay continued to wail as soon as the first drop of rain fell from the sky.

"What did he do to you?" Off's voice was suddenly raged as he thought that something really bad must have happened for Tay to be crying this hard.

"Nothing. He did nothing. I just..." Tay found it difficult to answer Off. He wasn't fully aware, too, on why he is reacting this way.

"You just what?"

"I ran away."

"Ran away?" Off was now confused more than angered but he was still not calm knowing that his friend must be feeling miserable right now. "From him? Where? Why?"

"I just... ran."

"I saw him, Off. I finally saw him. But..." Tay's bawling made it difficult to breath, more so to speak. "But he was with a girl."

"A girl?" with that, Off finally understood why Tay acted that way. "Do you know her or her relationship with New?"

"Probably his new girlfriend," Tay said clearly with resentment.

"Why does that matter, Tay?" Off was now calm and was challenging Tay's emotions. "I thought you were trying to make up with your best friend?" He made sure to put emphasis on the last words.

Tay was a bit embarrassed at that but the pain still overwhelmed him. "I don't know, too, Off. It just hurts."

"You said probably so you just jumped into conclusions again. What else did you see?" Off tried to understand more of the situation to gauge how to properly deal with it.

"They were so sweet, Off. They were tangled in a tight embrace. And they went in her house."

"Is that it?" If only Tay could see Off's eyes rolling. "You ran away because you saw your best friend hug a girl? Is this the first time you've seen him hug a lady?"

Tay continued wailing recalling the moment that unfolded before his eyes. "It was a second too long. I don't know. It felt... I felt..." Tay was once again lost for words. "I... I don't know anymore Off. I just need to get out of here now."

In Off's mind, he knew exactly why Tay was acting up with the simplest reason of New hugging an unknown girl. _"What did I tell you?"_ He wanted to blurt that out so much but decided against it. Tay needs support right now and being a jerk won't help the situation.

"Why don't you get a cab to your hotel?" Off suggested.

"It's a quiet street, Off. Not a lot of cars are passing by." Tay said as he looked around the area. It was a total contrast of the busy city center. It was more like the country side already although the dark streets were lined by old houses and buildings. The only thing making noise right now is the sound of the rain crashing on the tin roofs. He must have run away too far to reach this part of the city.

"And I, I lost my wallet." Off conjured every bit of his self-control not to laugh at Tay's misfortune.

"I'm stuck here. My legs are cramping." Tay continued wail.

"How long have you been running away?"

"Since... um... 4 o'clock." Tay reluctantly answered the question. He knew it would sound stupid.

"What the heck, Tay. You've been running for 5 hours?" Off said with a mix of concern and irritation.

It took Tay about ten minutes staring blankly at the gate where he saw New enter before he decided to leave the area. At first, he mindlessly walked like a zombie, then eventually increasing the pace to a run only stopping whenever he needed to catch his breath.

Being unfamiliar of the streets of Hat Yai, Tay just ran wanting to be as far as possible from the cause of his pain. His tears started to fall while he ran. He never counted the numerous times he bumped onto someone or tripped on something; he just ran without looking back. He tried to run until his feet hurt more than his heart does. But it never did.

He only stopped when his legs can run no more. The pain in his heart was still greater than the pain on his limbs.

"Do you know where you are right now?"

"I'm outside a small noodle shop on some quiet neighborhood."

"Outside? In that heavy rain?"

"It's not even raining," Tay tried to lie despite being already drenched in the cold rain. It didn't matter to him anyway. Because being under the rain could mask away the wetness coming from his eyes.

"Tay, you know I can hear it right?"

Tay didn't argue anymore. He knew it was futile. He stayed silent on the phone for a few minutes before pleading to his friend.

"Off, I need you right now. I don't know what to do."

Off didn't know either. He tried his hardest to come up with a plan to get his friend out of there before something worse happens to him. "I can't fly out there right away, Tay." And even if he does, it'll all be too late. Tay would be consumed by his pain and god knows what more bad luck can bring to him.

"But I know someone from Hat Yai who might be able to help you." Off finally thought of an old friend who lives in the city. He wasn't exactly sure if he would be able to help Tay at the moment but he just had to try. It has been a long time since they talked, but he believed that his friend's heart would always be ready to help.

"Can you ask the people around your exact address?"

"Uhm. Okay." Tay looked around the empty avenue for anyone he could ask. "I'll ask the old lady from the noodle shop."

"Okay text me right away your location then I'll call my friend to help you."

"Off, please don't tell anyone else. I don't want others to worry."

"Stop worrying about what others might think Tay. The most important thing right now is your safety."

Tay continued to cry as the rain poured harder.

"Tay? Just stay there okay? Find a safe spot while I'll call for help."

-

"Nong, you've been there for a while now. Why don't you come inside for a while?" the old lady from the noodle shop invited Tay in to temporarily shelter from the storm.

After being asked about their location, the kind old lady kept Tay on her radar sensing that the man was probably having a rough day.

"Uhm. Thank you, P'" Tay accepted the invitation of the lady who looked like in her early fifties. He sat down at the table nearest the exit not wanting to cause more inconvenience to the owner by soaking her shop wet. He just sat there trembling, waiting for the help that his friend called for him.

He wanted to check back on Off but his phone battery died.

He continued to shiver which was a combination of the chilly sensation from his drenched clothes and the fatigue caused by his physical and emotional pain.

"Here, have some warm noodles." The old lady served a hot bowl of noodles in front of Tay who gaped at her. She smiled and assured him, "Don't worry, I won't charge you for this one."

Tay didn't hesitate to indulge at his very first meal of the day. In a matter of mere seconds, he was already half way through the bowl.

The lady eyed him and offered, "If you want seconds just tell me."

"But P'" Tay wanted more of the delicious noodles but didn't want to abuse her kindness.

"Don't worry, we cooked too much for the day. And you seem to need it." The lady served him not one but two more bowls of noodles.

"You're not from here, are you?" She sat across Tay and studied the man.

"Bangkok," Tay grumbled with his mouth still full after clearing his second bowl. The place may look old and cranky but the noodles were one of the best he has ever tried. They tasted like they were cooked with love just like how his own grandmother cooks her noodles. But of course, grandma's noodles were still superior for him.

"Love problem?" The lady asked further which made Tay choke up. He immediately grabbed a glass of water and gulped heavily. "I'm sorry. I just surmised. People who cry as hard as you did are either crying because of grief or because of a heartbreak. And since you are not from here, I suppose that it is not because of grief."

Not knowing how to reply, Tay looked down at his third bowl of noodles and slowly played with them to try to shake off some of the awkwardness he felt.

Tay is an easy read. This lady was the third person for the day to speak something about him and his personal life.

"So, you ran away?"

Tay slowly nodded without looking at the old lady.

"Running away feels good right? It's always easier to run replacing the pain with something numb," she started giving an unsolicited advice to the troubled man. "But running away does not solve anything, nong."

"Sure, it makes you numb of the pain but the thing causing you pain is still there waiting to strike back. And once that numbing sensation fades, the hurt will come back tenfold. It'll only destroy you and make you resent the whole world."

"When you constantly run, you become a different person who is afraid to love fully, or invest in anything entirely because you'll be haunted by the underlying fear of having to leave anyway."

"Don't let it come to the point where you try to hide your scars too much that you don't know yourself anymore."

The lady left Tay to his thoughts tending to some errands around the empty shop.

"I'm sorry, nong, but I need to close shop now. I have a family waiting for me. Do you want to come with me to our home? It may not be much but we can make space for you for the night," the lady kindly offered.

"Thank you, P' but a friend is coming to pick me up here," Tay smiled at the generosity of the stranger.

"Oh okay. I'll just leave a chair outside so that you can have something to sit on, okay?" She patted his back.

The lady proceeded to pull down the old roll up doors. Tay was quick to assist her. It was the least he can do to repay her charity.

"Don't worry about the neighborhood. It may be dark and quiet around here but it's safe. People are generally kind," she assured Tay. She took out her umbrella to shelter her from the rain which was still not letting up.

"Thank you, P'," Tay politely _wai'd_ at the lady.

Tay sat outside the shop gazing at nothing in particular. His thoughts were still jumbled with a lot of things—Off's warning the other day, the scene he witnessed earlier, and all the advices he got from random people all throughout his long day.

But no matter where his mind trailed off to it always comes back to the face of someone who is both the cause and cure to all his pain.

New.

=


	16. Whatever it Takes

"New..." Tay softly groaned in his sleep. He was feeling freezing cold that not even the two layers of blankets and a duvet could keep his teeth from chattering.

Even when closed, his eyes were in moving rapidly—a clear manifestation of his discomfort.

"Ssshh. Don't worry, I'm here." A pair of hands gently rubbed Tay's broad shoulders trying to warm his tense body. "You're safe now."

Seeing that the shivering hasn't subsided, New quietly tucked himself in the covers and gently wrapped his arms around Tay's body to transfer even just a bit of his body heat.

Tay finally relaxed and his hands instinctively reached out for the warmth of the man beside him. They comfortably figured into a tight embrace. Tay fell deeper into his slumber while New just stayed awake tending to the man in his arms.

-

_"New. I know it's been a long time since we've talked but please call me as soon as you read this. It's an emergency."_

New read Off's unexpected message as soon as he got out after a warm relaxing bath. Since his break about three months ago, communication with friends have also been less. Contact was only made when absolutely necessary. And Off's current message was absolutely necessary, and alarming.

"Off. What's wrong?" New immediately called his friend and his relaxed state quickly changed to panic. Off never called New for emergencies unless when they involved Tay.

"Hey buddy. Uhm. I need help and you're the only one who can help me right now," the distress in Off's voice was apparent and was only making New more nervous.

"You said it was an emergency. I'll do anything in my power to help," New dropped the towel around his waist and instinctively changed into outdoor clothes while clipping his phone between his ear and shoulders.

"It's Tay," New's fear materialized. It was about Tay and he was in trouble. So much trouble that Off had to call him all the way from Bangkok.

"What? What's wrong? What happened?"

"Just calm down okay?"

"You telling me to calm down is making me more nervous, Off." New blew at his friend as his anxiety shot off the roof.

"Okay." Off sighed before continuing, "Tay's in Hat Yai and he called saying he's stranded in some creepy alley."

New was the only person Off knew that lived in Hat Yai. He wished he knew someone else but he didn't. Based on what Tay relayed to him earlier, New was the cause on why Tay got into trouble. Although he thought that there would have been a perfectly plausible explanation for what Tay saw, it would have been better if New wasn't involved in the rescue.

"What? Why? Where?" New was all ready to head out.

"He was supposed to see you today, but..." Off started which was immediately cut off by New.

"Okay, hold that. Just tell me where he is and I'll fetch him right away." New felt a tang of guilt upon hearing that Tay was supposed to meet with him.

 _"It's my fault once again. No."_ New's mind straightaway started to run wild once again as he thought that he put his friend in danger.

"I'll text you the address," Off answered. "And please bring some towels, he's drenched in rain."

This only made New panic even more. He imagined the hell that Tay must be under at the moment. The storm, the unfamiliar dark alley, and worst, being alone and helpless.

Unlike him, New was aware that Tay isn't used to being alone. He hated it. Tay feeds off the energy and presence of others' company.

"Okay Off. Thanks," New grabbed his umbrella and a bunch of dry towels as Off instructed.

"And New?"

"Yeah?"

"You two should talk, okay?"

This got New confused and only was only able to mumble a short reply.

"Hmm."

-

"P' please slow down around here," New instructed the cab driver as soon as they were approaching the address Off texted him.

The rain was still pouring hard and the darkness of the area was making it extremely difficult to spot Tay. New's eyes quickly scanned the area and saw a man sitting by the pavement fronting a closed noodle store. His heart immediately recognized the man tremendously trembling.

"I think that's him. Can you please pull over there?"

The short tin awning was not much of a help in keeping Tay dry. The strong winds blew the rain in all directions.

As soon as the taxi stopped, New rushed to Tay who had already dozed off.

"Tay," he tried to shake the man awake as he threw a towel over his shoulders. New checked on the older's forehead who was still unaware of his presence. Tay continuously shivered while tightly holding on to his bag.

"Oh my gosh, you're burning," New's adrenaline allowed him to lift Tay's big body in one fluid motion. He carried the man back to the vehicle and instructed the driver to quickly drive back to their house.

"Please turn the AC down. My friend is shivering," New politely requested as he cradled the man's body.

He wiped Tay's pale face with his hand as faint sounds started to come out of his mouth.

It was long when New finally made out what Tay was mumbling.

"New..."

-

It was well into the morning when New checked back on Tay. He picked up the washcloth on Tay's forehead to change it to a new one. Tay's trembling finally stopped but he obviously still had a fever.

As soon as the warm and damp washcloth touched Tay's forehead, he started gaining consciousness, slowly opened his eyes.

"What the h..." Tay was startled at the sight of New. He tried to stand up quickly but was immediately stopped by his weak state.

"Relax, Tay. It's just me," New held Tay on both of his shoulder to lay him back softly onto the bed. Tay's body tensed up at New's touch.

"Where are we? What happened?" Tay's head quickly skimmed through an unfamiliar room averting the eyes of the man by his side.

"Slow down, stop with your sudden movements," New told Tay who was clearly confused and unaware of last night. "We're in my room, Tay. You already passed out when I got to you."

"Did Off tell you?" Tay stared blankly at the ceiling.

New nodded and reprimanded Tay, "You were supposed to call me for help, Tay; not Off who's miles away from here."

Tay was still edgy and still avoiding looking at New. He was quite unsure on how to deal with everything at the moment. 

Deep inside, he was glad that it was New who Off called for help. But the uncomfortable feeling from the events the previous day still lingered.

New on the other hand was dearly gazing at Tay's face trying to read what the other was thinking. A faint smile can be seen at the edges of Tay's heart-shaped mouth.

When the sick man motioned to sit up, New intuitively assisted him by adjusting the pillows and the duvet. "Stay here, I'm going to get your breakfast," New smiled at the man who finally looked him in the eye.

Still trying to hide a smile, Tay dropped his head as New walked away. Just then his mind was filled with horror when he realized that he was already wearing a different set of clothes.

"Wh-why? Wh-who?" Tay screamed so loudly which made New stop on his tracks and look back at him. Tay looked under the sheets and the pajamas he was wearing to check on his undergarments.

Tay silently cursed seeing that he was wearing a fresh pair of boxers. Tay's eyes widened while his jaw dropped.

"Uhm. You were soaking wet when I picked you up and you were heavily shivering. Leaving your wet clothes on was not an option," New explained.

Tay's now gaped and blinked at New.

New lightly scratched his head and spoke to Tay, "Don't worry, I asked our house help to change your clothes."

Tay's jaw dropped even lower at the information. His mind was totally blank as his face finally started to gain some color.

"What's with that face? Would rather that it was me who changed your clothes for you?", New quipped.

Tay had no answer for that. His face turned full beet red and was now boiling. Who would have thought that it could get hotter even when he was suffering from a fever?

New came back to the room with a tray on his hands catching Tay still dazed. He resumed his position by Tay's side as he tried to feed Tay. "Here. Have some porridge. I cooked them for you."

New lifted a spoonful of hot porridge to Tay's mouth who was still having second thoughts about getting fed. Tay tried to reach out for the spoon before New took it away from his reach.

"Let me feed you," New said.

"I can do it on my—" Tay tried to argue but New only shoved the spoon in his mouth before he could finish his sentence.

"Just let me, okay?" New smiled at Tay who was eyeing him in annoyance. But ultimately Tay surrendered, letting the younger fill him. He was liking it anyway.

"Eat up. You need to get well. We need to catch our flight to Bangkok later."

"We?" Tay said after he swallowed.

"You think I'd allow you to travel alone in this condition?" New raised his eyebrows.

Tay silently gushed as his ears were starting to heat up again.

"You're a walking disaster, Tay. Remember that," New pointed his finger at him. "I don't know what worse could happen to you if I don't come with you."

They both sorely missed this feeling—the feeling of getting annoyed at each other and bickering at the smallest of things.

"Why are you here in Hat Yai by the way?" New prodded.

Tay was getting too comfortable at the moment that he was afraid that discussing what he witnessed will only turn their moods sour. So, he chose to keep quiet although it was apparent, even for New, that he was hiding something.

"Okay, if you don't want to talk about it, then fine. Just... just eat up and get well already. I hate seeing you like this," New continued feeding Tay but a bit disappointed at the latter's silence.

He unconsciously clicked his tongue which didn't escape Tay.

"New?"

"It's nothing." It was now New's turn to look away from Tay. He sighed heavily before finally baring what he feels.

"I was kind of hoping you'd say you were here to see me. But I don't really know why you're here and I hate to assume things, so I'd just leave it as you're here for something else," frustration was apparent in his voice as a strangled smile fell from his face.

Tay was surprised at New's sudden expression of his feelings. This was something fresh. Back then, New would just bottle up whatever he feels and keep his thoughts to himself.

Tay thought that the break maybe did good for New. A certain level of discomfort was still evident with how New's hands were jittery and played with the bowl. But this was a huge development for him. _"He's trying,"_ Tay kept to himself.

As they were finishing up, New handed Tay some pills and a glass of water. "We still have a couple more hours before our flight. You better rest up and leave everything else to me."

New assisted Tay back to lie down and then cleaned up the dishes to bring them back to the kitchen.

"New?" Tay called out. New turned on his heel to meet Tay's eyes.

"I came here because I wanted to see you. But..." Tay was about to divulge when he found himself not being able to blurt it out. "...but my luck ran out again." He smiled hoping that New would believe him.

Tay was willing to do whatever it takes to turn their relationship around—even if it is him setting his hurt aside.

"I miss you, New," he added.

New beamed and this time, he didn't want to stay silent as he did two and a half months ago.

"I miss you too, Tay." He mustered up all his courage to finally say what he had been meaning to the past months.

Tay blushed and scratched his nape at New's response.

"Now get to rest because I don't want to be carrying your heavy ass to the airport," New turned around to hide his embarrassment.

"Okay, then hurry up," Tay said. "I still feel a bit cold and these sheets aren't enough for me."

That regard made New turn once again and gape at Tay who was hiding his huge grin under the sheets.

-

"Why do we have to lock everything up? Isn't anyone else at home?" Tay was annoyed at how long it was taking New to lock up every single door and the gate to their house.

"Nope," New shook his head.

Tay, who was feeling a lot better after his nap, hailed a cab which was nearby.

"How about your house help?" he continued complaining.

"Uhm. Hehehe." New started to blush as soon as he stood by Tay's side.

"What?" Tay glared.

"Actually, she's been away for almost a month now," New revealed as he let out a shy giggle.

Tay's blood rose to his head once again and immediately stormed into the cab, mortified.

=


	17. Brave

"Off, thank you so much for doing this," New greeted his friend Off whom he called earlier to meet them at the airport.

Tay still was not at his hundred percent and someone had to drive him home or else bad luck will catch up with him again.

"It should be you we should be thanking, New," Off returned his gratitude to the man that saved Tay. They gave each other a side hug while Tay was just there standing smiling at both of them. He was glad he had the best of friends who would go all the way just to save him.

"Uhm," New smiled.

"If it wasn't for you, where would this stupid be." Off remarked at Tay who now furrowed at him.

"Please look after him for me. He could be a bit clumsy at times," New added.

"You mean always?" Tay joked about his own propensity to misfortunes. This brought a little chuckle to all three which was immediately cut off by an airport announcement.

"Well that's me," New said upon hearing that boarding had already commenced for his flight back to Hat Yai.

"You're leaving right away?" Tay felt a bitter pain when he learned that New was not staying, not even for a night, nor just a meal together.

"Yup. I still have work to do, Tay," New explained. "I will get in so much trouble if I miss it two days straight."

New had to call in sick today because he had to take care of Tay. Luckily, the movie set also ran into a bit of a hiccup because of the heavy rain they experienced the night before.

"You're working in Hat Yai?" Tay said in surprise. This is new information to him. Well not really. He has heard rumors about another secret project for New but he just brushed it off as some sort of damage control for his long absence.

There were also cryptic Instagram stories from an assigned road manager for New but nothing was confirmed. Fans just resorted to speculations.

"Uhm. Haven't you heard?" Off said as if he knew something. But he doesn't know any more than Tay does. But his logic only pointed him to believing that the rumors of a secret project was true especially when a road manager was involved.

"Not from him anyway," Tay looked away as he folded his arms and started shaking his right leg. Tay was annoyed by the fact that, again, he was blind from everything going on with his best friend's life. "Weren't we supposed to tell each other everything?" Tay spoke with sourness in his tone.

"Tay," Off tried to pacify the rising tension.

"I thought you said you were taking a break? Isn't that what you told me?" Tay was now fuming at New who felt guilty about not telling Tay something. But he wasn't supposed to say anything. And they were not in speaking terms just yet.

Tay felt hurt. All this time he blamed himself for New's absence but lo and behold, he was actually doing a project.

"I was Tay. This project has nothing to do about that," New tried to explain. He was aware that Tay was hurt of not being told anything. "This came up a month after I left and the execs didn't allow me to refuse."

"But I still heard nothing from you," Tay scowled.

The three fell silent until New said, "Tay. I'm sorry." His eyes and his voice were full of remorse. He didn't expect that Tay would react this way. He didn't expect that Tay would react at all. Afterall, they have already cut off communication from each other since he left.

Tay on the other hand was surprised with New apologizing that he only stared at the younger. New never apologizes until he is forced to or until matters only get a lot worse. But this time, he immediately said sorry when he practically did nothing wrong.

This made Tay realize that indeed something was different with New. Earlier that day, he bared his honest thoughts with Tay and now he was apologizing. Two things that he never usually does.

New's flight was one again called.

"Tay. This is not the time. He has to go," Off said.

"Tay," New could only say with regret while Tay just stared at him, not anymore with anger but with awe.

-

"So, it seems to me that the two of you haven't talked at all," Off said as he was driving Tay home.

"We did."

"Then what do you call what just happened earlier?" Tay only remained silent as he had no answer for that. "You know very well what I mean, Tay."

"So, who was she? The lady you saw him hugging?" Off got direct to the point.

"I don't know," Tay honestly replies as he bowed down staring at his feet.

"See? You obviously didn't talk," Off sighed in annoyance.

"We were doing okay, Off," he tried to justify. "He took care of me when I was sick. We bickered a bit. It felt good. We were both happy." A narrow smile escaped from Tay's lips as he briefly narrated the events that happened earlier.

"Yeah. At that moment you were happy. How about now?" Off asked. "You were even about to crack at him again earlier."

"I didn't want to break the moment by bringing it up."

"Look, Tay, you'll never be truly happy unless you try to fix your mess." Off started getting deep into the conversation. "Yes, you'll get those moments in bits and pieces, but how long can you keep up with that? Isn't a whole year enough for you already?"

"I know, Off. I'm just afraid," Tay bared.

"Afraid of what?"

"Of losing it all. Losing hin, losing him." His words faded into silence.

"What if we talk about everything and it'll only make things worse? What if he'll resent me? What if my worst fears come true?" Tay was terrified of all the uncertainties that may happen if he once and for all settled everything with New.

"Let me turn those around." Off replied and asked Tay the contrary. "What if the opposite happens? What if you'll clear things up and move forward to a better relationship? What if your fears are just in your head? Will you able to live without knowing what could be?"

"I know you're afraid, Tay. And it's okay. It's valid. But you can't run away from your fear forever. You need to be brave."

"Fear is important. It makes us survive, Off. Even the experts in Animal Planet say so," Tay argued even citing a quote from his favorite channel.

"Surviving is different from living." Off managed to conjure a quote as well. "You may be able to live, but is it really the life that you want?"

"Oy, when did you all of a sudden get so wise?" Tay joked but deep inside he knew Off had a point.

"Your history of silence won't do you any good. Did you think it would? Look at where you are right now and where you were 3, 6, or 9 months ago. Nothing's really changed, has it?"

Tay remained quiet having no answer for the heavy questions his _pueng_ was throwing at him. They finally arrived at Tay's building but both of them sat still in silence.

"This is the last time I'll ask this from you, Tay. You and New should talk. And when I say talk, not talk about nonsense stuff just to avoid the things that have been bothering you both. Let your words be anything but empty. Why don't you just tell him the truth?"

"His birthday is coming up. And it'll be a year already since you two have fought."

"I know," Tay sorrowfully acknowledged. The fight they had started some time after his birthday the previous year. Sure, a long time had passed and a lot of things happened along, but Off was right. Nothing really changed. They might be talking sometimes but their hearts are still distant.

"He will be here for sure. Has his FC contacted you already about an event?"

"I got a few messages from them before the New Year. Nothing I took seriously. Haven't heard from them since."

"If you won't be there, then you know for a fact who's the next person they'll contact."

"And who might that be?"

"Actually, I heard he already confirmed that he will be coming."

Tay no longer responded although he was already listing in his mind the names of people that the FC might invite. And there was one particular name he was hoping to not be there.

"You know very well who I am talking about."

=


	18. A Friend Like You

_"_ ♪♫ _Happy birthday to you,"_ the fan club finished singing their final happy birthday song to the celebrant just as Tay hopped off the motor taxi. He was all sweaty not only because of the Bangkok heat but also because he was severely tensed.

It was the Sunday before New's actual birthday and the fans spearheaded a birthday event for their idol.

Tay carried with him his tote bag that he just grabbed hoping that everything he needed was there, his camera hanged around his neck hoping that he could take great photos of New during the event, and the box of a custom-made cake he himself ordered.

Together with the lead organizers of the event, they carefully planned out how he was supposed to enter the venue as a surprise guest. Nobody but a handful of people knew he was coming.

But as expected, he was entangled with a series of unfortunate events which resulted to him being extremely late for the event. He was so late that even the organizers thought that Tay ditched them already.

Tay ran as fast as he could to the entrance door of the mini theater the FC has rented for the event. He immediately dialed the number of the president to inform her of his arrival, but no one answered. He peeked through the crevice of the double swinging doors to see what was happening inside.

They were already taking pictures of New and his guests. This only means that the show was already about to end.

On stage were some of New's friends from work—Singto and Off, and standing beside him to his left was Earth and to his right, holding the white and pink birthday cake was Kay. Tay was fuming when he saw that Kay's left arm was tightly wrapped around New's waist.

He slipped back outside pacing left and right while still trying to connect his call with the FC president. Still no answer.

"Screw it," he said and finally made a decision to barge into the venue.

Tay unintentionally pushed the double door harder than he was supposed to. It made such a loud bang that everyone fell silent and turned to his direction.

Some fans started squealing and others took out their phones to capture the moment. But he was oblivious to it all. All he cared about at the moment was the man on stage.

Tay swore he saw Newwiee's eyes light up when they met his. They stared deeply into each other as Tay traversed through the center aisle moving closer to the stage.

They never broke eye contact until he accidentally tripped on the edge of a carpet which caused the cake to almost fall off his hand. He heaved a deep sigh in relief when he caught the cake which was still inside the box, unscathed.

A couple of hands immediately helped him as he approached the left side of the stage.

"We thought you weren't coming anymore, P'" a representative of the FC whispered as she assisted Tay in opening the box and lighting up the candle.

"I'm so sorry nong, I just got caught up with bad luck again," Tay smiled back at the young lady.

"Everyone, let's sing happy birthday to Newwiee one more time, this time with P'Tay. Ready?"

"♪♫ _Happy birthday to you..._ " The fans started singing the birthday song as Tay made his way to the center stage where the celebrant was standing. "♪♫ _Happy birthday to you..._ " Tay grabbed a microphone from one of the emcees on stage.

"♪♫ _Happy birthday dear Newwiee_ ," Tay sang along which earned loud shrieks from the fans who melted with what they were witnessing.

New took a small step forward breaking the body contact they had with Kay and Earth. "♪♫ _Happy birthday to you._ " Tay ended the song and soon, he and New were already standing close to each other, face to face.

"Happy birthday best friend," he spoke to the mic still not averting from New's gaze. He bit his lower lip to try to hide a grin which was not working anyway. Everyone can see how red he's getting. New was also all smiles with his eyes squinted.

"I ship it," Off screamed and the crowd once again wailed in kilig. Even Singto and Earth played along with the fans in teasing the two.

Tay nodded at the cake prompting New to gently blow the candles.

"Everyone already gave a message to Newwiee, P'Tay. What about you?" the emcee asked.

He cleared his throat and started with, "Honestly, I would rather give my message to New privately." A few cheers were heard from the audience.

"Lame," Off said as he rolled his eyes. Singto and Earth laughed along.

"There are words that are best kept just between the two of us," he continued regarding the audience.

"But today, I just want New to know how grateful I am to have known him."

Tay then turned to face his best friend now talking to him directly, "New, thank you for always being there for me in times when I need you; even at times when I think I don't need someone's help, you were always there ready to support me. You were there in all my struggles and triumphs."

"Awww," a loud sound of admiration was heard in chorus.

New just stood there in awe with the man who was trying to pour his heart out on a theater stage.

"You brought order to my extraordinarily chaotic world," this earned light chuckles from everyone including their friends. "You were the lucky hin in my world filled with misfortunes."

"No one knows me like you know me. Heck, you know me better than I even know myself. Nobody else ever gets me as well on this earth."

"Like the sun and the moon," he continued referring to himself and New. "All the best things come in two. What would I do without a friend like you?"

"And I want to assure you, and everyone else in this room and the entire world...," he now spoke to the audience to send a strong message. "...that no matter what happens, no matter if we get projects together or not, whether you are in Bangkok or in Hat Yai..."

"...no matter who comes along in your life," Tay said as he swiftly looked at Kay and back to New.

"...no matter what people say about you, me, and us together, you still got my back as I confidently know that I have yours."

"Happy birthday best friend." Tay closed his short message and gave New a warm and tight embrace resting each other's chins on each other's shoulders. That lasted for more than five seconds and would have lasted longer had it not been for the cake once again almost falling off his hands.

Everyone was asked again to gather for a group picture. Tay asked for some tissues from the FC to wipe off some of the chocolate icing that got on his arm. He then turned around to see that everyone else had resumed their positions earlier.

Tay walked behind them and coughed loudly to gain their attention. "Excuse me, Kay." Tay said as he gently squeezed his body in between the two boys.

New grabbed the tissues on Tay's hand and wiped the latter's face with it. "You look so sweaty and haggard, Tay. You won't look good in the pictures."

Tay could only smile at the younger's show of concern to him. He allowed New to gently dab his face with the clean tissue.

"P'Tay, can you stand on the other side please so that New could be pictured in between the two cakes?" one of the Polcas with the camera politely asked.

Tay only turned to face Kay, smiled at him and carefully grabbed the pink cake off his hand and gave it to Earth who was on the other side of New. Earth willingly took the cake while Kay was trying to hide his slight disappointment.

Tay on the other hand smugly smirked with what he did. Off who witnessed the action rolled his eyes making sure that Tay saw him do that.

"1, 2, 3" the photographer counted as lights flashed across their faces.

"One more. 1, 2, 3." Before the next click, Tay grabbed New's waist pulling the latter closer to him. New's smile widened and returned the favor by putting his right arm over Tay's shoulder.

"Another. 1, 2, 3." And like the opposite poles of magnets, the two unconsciously tilted their heads almost touching each other's.

After a few more photo opportunities with fans, the group made their way out as some of the FCs assisted them in carrying the gifts.

"New," Kay called out. "C'mon, I'll drive you home."

Tay's ears shot upon hearing this. "Why? Where's nong Polar?" He asked New with furrowed eyebrows.

"Oh. He's still at the mechanic. He's been unused for some time now so I had it serviced first for safety," New answered.

"Well then, could you please drop me off as well nong Kay?" Tay now regarded the younger man.

"I don't mind P', but it'll be pretty tight with all the gifts we'd be bringing along. How about the others?"

Tay looked around before saying, "Earth and Singto have gone already. And Off..." Tay tried to make some alibi. "Off still have some errands to do. Right _pueng_?" He raised his eyes at Off who just passed by.

"What?" Off was puzzled.

Tay put his arms around Off's shoulders before reiterating, "I said you still have some errands to do and as much as I wanted you to, you can't drive me home today. Am I right?"

Tay gave a pleading look at Off while he squeezed on his shoulder a bit harder than usual.

"Yeah. Of course, Tay is right. And I'm heading out now, I'm already late. Bye guys." Off waved at them and gave Tay a final you-owe-me-one look.

"So now that it's settled, shall we go?" Tay invited himself as he opened the back seat of Kay's car.

His face fell once he realized that indeed it was going to be tight with all the plenty gifts that the fans gave. But that didn't discourage him from trying to foil whatever it is that Kay was planning if there actually is one.

 _"Not in my watch,"_ he thought still sporting that smug look.

=


	19. Just So You Know

"Should we drop you off first, P'Tay?" Kay asked his senior through the rearview mirror.

"Actually, you can just drop me off at New's apartment. I'm helping him unload these gifts," Tay casually replied as he was snugged together with the large bags of gifts at the backseat of Kay's car.

"We can actually manage it, you know," Kay answered back.

"It's okay, Kay. I want to help," Tay said smirking back at the mirror. "And you probably have somewhere else to go so I'm really doing you a favor."

"Well, we were actually about to grab some dinner first, would you like to come with us?," Kay sincerely invited Tay who was starting to get even more pissed at the thought of Kay and New making plans without him.

New wasn't feeling the tension that was rising, at least on Tay's end as he was still preoccupied going through the fans' posts about his birthday gathering.

"Sure Kay, thanks for the invite. I was thinking of treating New to a meal, too." he retorted. "But I wasn't really sure if eating out is your thing specially that obviously you are conscious of your physical appearance," he tried to mock Kay's frustratingly godly look.

"Oy. Thanks, I take that as a great compliment P'Tay," Kay managed to laugh it off.

"I see that you two could really get along well," New remarked only hearing the last few words of their tense discussion. "I'm really glad that you're coming with us, Tay."

 _"Coming with US? Why does that sound like I'm third-wheeling?"_ Rather than being happy with what New said, Tay's irritation only intensified. But he tried his best not to spoil New's mood.

"Yeah, me too New. I'm glad to be with you right now." Tay reached his left arm over the head rest of the shotgun seat and tapped New's toned chest. New received this gesture by putting his right hand over Tay's and leaned his head back all while sporting a shy toothy smile.

"So, I know this place in Sukhumvit road where they serve the best steaks in Bangkok," Kay tried to break the lovey dovey scene happening before his eyes.

"Yeah, I know that place," Tay saod as he leaned back to his seat. "New and I have been there. But he doesn't enjoy it much because the desserts are not that good," Tay said condescendingly. 

"Oh. Do you have a place in mind, P'Tay?"

"I'm glad that you asked me." Tay took out his phone and showed Kay the address to Phan Zen. "Drive to this place. It's our favorite fusion place. Plus, a dessert shop is just nearby."

"I love that idea, Tay. It's been too long since I have been there," New got excited. The first time they ate there was for an episode of TayNew Meal Date. But even after that, they kept going back to the place since it served as a middle ground to their differing tastes.

-

"Hi P'! We'll order the usual," Tay immediately told the server who recognized them very well. Usually, customers had to write their orders but Tay had something else in mind. "How about you, Kay?" Tay raised his eyebrows at the younger.

Not given enough time to study the menu, Kay simply smiled at the server and said, "I'll have whatever New is having."

"We mostly have similar tastes in food," he looked at Tay this time.

"And you don't even know what he's having." Tay didn't bother to hide his annoyance even a bit.

"It's okay, P'Tay. I trust his choices," Kay smiled back while patting the shoulder of New who was sitting beside him.

It was unfortunate for Tay that when they got in, Kay settled himself first beside New. He was so busy of formulating ways he can get into Kay's head not realizing that the latter was already a step ahead of him.

"Just so you know, I chose them for him the first time we were here."

All sorts of feelings are trying to take control of Tay. And he can't help it. He won't sit around and let Kay win now.

"Then all the better. I trust your taste better," Kay knew the game Tay was playing and he was ready to join the psywar.

"Oy Kay, no need to flatter Tay here," New told Kay who still had no idea why his companions are acting that way.

"Well you two have hosted a food show, I bet you both really know a lot of things about food," Kay was all about giving both males a compliment while Tay on the other hand was trying to paint that he was the better person.

"Which reminds me, when are we gonna do the vlog?" Kay pleadingly asked New.

 _"So, he hasn't accepted yet,"_ Tay thought as he let out an obvious chuckle.

"Maybe next month, Kay, when we start filming for Waterboyy 2," New was serious. He was really considering of doing the show especially that fans have been asking for it for quite some time now.

"Are you sure you can host a food show, Kay? Sorry, but with what you said earlier, I don't think it's a good idea," Tay challenged.

"You're right P', I'm not much of a foodie like you two," Kay conceded.

 _"Why does he always regard me as P' and just call New by his first name?"_ Tay was increasingly getting annoyed at the man opposite him.

"That's why it's a great concept because New can take me to all sorts of places that he likes and introduce me to his favorites," Kay's left arm was still around New and this didn't escape Tay's sight.

"Yeah, that would be cool, Kay," New smiled at Kay. "Although I was also thinking of not making it too similar with our old show."

"Yeah. Absolutely. You might get compared to me," Tay with a smug look.

"Yeah, and that's not good for Tay's self-esteem," New answered which aggravated Tay.

"Wha-what? What do you mean?"

New and Kay only laughed at Tay's open-mouth expression.

"Hey New, no need to be too harsh at P'Tay."

The meal went on with a lot of tension between Kay and Tay, mostly on Tay who was hot-headed. And New? Still nowhere conscious of what was going on.

He was actually enjoying the dinner mostly because of Tay's presence and the memories the place holds. It's been long since they had a meal together plus it was a pleasant surprise that the two are seemingly getting along, or so he thought.

"Anyway, hin, how long will you be in Bangkok this time?" Tay asked as soon as they were finished eating.

"You're flying back on Wednesday, right?" it was Kay who answered.

"I was asking him," Tay was, once again, annoyed more at the fact that Kay knows New's schedule and he doesn't.

"Oh, he's right nevertheless, Tay," New interjected.

"Don't worry New, I can drive you to the airport again," Kay offered.

"You really don't need to, Kay."

"Yeah you don't need to," Tay echoed New. "He can manage that by himself. He's turning 27."

"But I'd love to, New. And we live just around the same neighborhood. It's not much of a hassle really," he insisted.

"Ow. Thank you, Kay. You've been driving me around for quite a few times now."

Tay glared at Kay who was all eyes on New. He was fuming in anger and regret on why he doesn't own a car so he can drive New around when he needs it.

"Well it's great that you're staying longer this time, hin," Tay tried to put on a smile finally stealing the attention of New. "The last time you were here, you only stayed for a couple minutes then flew right back immediately."

"Really? When was this, New? And what were you doing here?" Kay sounded surprised much to the delight of Tay. He looked at Kay momentarily with a pompous grin.

"It was about three weeks ago. I just had to accompany Tay back here," New narrated.

"I still wasn't able to thank you properly for that New. I was supposed to do it today but I didn't know Kay had other plans," Tay was satisfied with himself that he finally got the upper hand of the contest.

"It's okay, Tay. It's absolutely nothing. I know you'd do the same for me," New gave Tay a shy smile.

"Hell yeah, I would."

New excused himself to use the restroom and left the two on the table.

"P', I know what you are doing," Kay softly regarded Tay.

"What do you mean? I'm not doing anything here, Kay," Tay answered with a smirk as he casually leaned back on his chair.

"I know you know exactly what I mean."

"Whatever, Kay," Tay shook his head and avoided Kay's eyes.

Kay leaned forward, closer to Tay and began pleading. "P', I'll ask you this once again. Do you have any romantic feelings with New and are you pursuing him to be your boyfriend as well?"

"I already told you my answer before."

"But the way you're acting now is quite the contrary." A pair of gloomy eyes met Tay's.

"Look, Kay, I'm just protecting him from... from you."

"From me? You know I have the purest of intentions with him P'. I'm not gonna hurt him," Kay tried to reassure New's best friend.

"Again, he's straight. Take this as a friendly advice from me." A stern Tay said.

Kay only rolled his eyes and was not having any of Tay's insistent denial. "I can't believe we are having the same conversation again."

"You know there's only one reason for me to stop, don't you?" Kay tried to remind Tay of the conversation they had at a café some months ago.

_"Unless you're going to tell me now that you have deeper feelings for him than a best friend does, I will give way."_

_"You two are practically glued to each other. I know I can't compete with that."_

"Do you intend to be more than friends with New?" Kay asked again.

Before Tay could even deny anything else, New sat beside him. "You guys seem to be having a serious conversation here."

Both was caught off-guard and tried to play cool.

"Oh, it's nothing, New. We just wanted to get to know each other better," Tay spoke as he threw his left arm over New's shoulders.

"Yeah, P'Tay's right, New. Although I have a strange feeling that he doesn't know himself that well," Kay threw shade.

"What do you mean?" An annoyed Tay exclaimed.

"Well you said so yourself earlier that New knows you better." Kay winked at Tay who was lost for words at how Kay was so smooth in dodging it.

=


	20. I Choose You

"C'mon, New. Open the door," Tay grumbled loudly while pressing on the door bell. He's been at it for quite some time and he was already starting to get annoyed.

Annoyed. Tay was extremely annoyed since two days ago. He was annoyed at many things—at himself, at Kay, at his situation, and at New.

Despite his insistence against it, Kay drove Tay home first after the dinner with New. To add salt to it, New agreed with Kay's plan.

What made things worse is that New was once again nowhere to be found the following day. Although it was usual for New to be off social media, especially during the past year, this made Tay overthink things again. Like what could be between New and Kay, what Kay was planning to do with New, and more crazy and random thoughts.

Finally, after a few more tries, New, who was only wearing his boxers opened the door.

"Tay? What are you doing here at this hour?" New said as he was still drying his hair with a towel. It was still 9 o'clock in the morning and it was rare to see Tay up so early and show up at New's apartment.

It took a while for Tay to answer as his eyes momentarily stared at New's milky white torso. "Hmmm. Work?" He replied trying to hide a light blush.

"What work?" New furrowed at Tay.

"P'Yui said you have free time today and we SHOULD hang-out," Tay raised his eyebrows at New while emphasizing that he was there upon the orders of their manager.

New snickered.

"This again? What for now? We don't have any upcoming work together, right?"

"I don't know. Didn't really ask her about it," seeing that New wasn't convinced of what he's saying he took out his phone and showed him a message from P'Yui. "Here, see for yourself."

"And you just agreed to it without asking why?" New challenged the older.

Tay let out a sigh and explained, "C'mon New, I'm trying to get on the good side of management lately and I don't think complaining or asking too much questions from them qualifies as getting on their good side."

New just smirked at Tay's uneasiness and stepped back into his apartment, "Wait here. I'll get changed."

"You're not even inviting me inside? Tsk." Tay whined and held the door open.

"Hmm. Okay." New motioned Tay inside. "Just don't..."

Before he even finished his statement, Tay already barged in and started blabbering. "Okay I was thinking that we start the day... um... I mean act with us on your white..."

Tay came to a full stop in shock.

"Wait where is it, New?" He turned to face New who just closed the front door.

"Where's what?" New was puzzled.

"Where's your white couch?" In place of where the Tay's favorite white couch used to be was a black leather sofa which was more modern and sleeker.

"Got rid of it," he casually answered while making his way to his closet to pick some clothes to wear.

"Got rid of it? Why?" Tay raised his voice sounding heavily dismayed.

New caught on to it and talked back in a calmer tone, "I am allowed to do some redecorating at my apartment, Tay."

"Sorry, that's not what I mean. I just thought... never mind."

Tay was deeply bothered on why New had to "redecorate". He sat down on the new sofa which, although much more comfortable than the white one, didn't feel the same. There was nothing in it. No memories, no sentiment, nothing. Just a plain boring black sofa.

He just sat and observed hin get change into some jeans and a white polar bear shirt. "Let's go?" Tay forced a smile.

"Go where?" New asked.

"Hmmm. Your call," Tay stood up and dragged New by the arm. "But were taking your car. People love it when we post carpool karaoke stories."

"O-o-okay." New exclaimed while he struggled to get his bag along with his wallet and keys while Tay pulled him along.

Tay and New did the usual stuff they used to do back when they were still constantly together. Driving through the traffic, singing along to love songs on Tay's playlist, make fun of each other, laugh, bicker, and more bickering.

Tay made sure to post some not-so-subtle Instagram stories. He always said that they were for work but he was mostly doing it to show off. At whom? Probably Kay but he doesn't admit it to himself.

For the time being, Tay felt like they were finally back to their old ways. He felt incredibly happy just getting to spend the whole day with his best friend.

Having no plans at all, they decided to spend the morning at Central World to do some shopping for random stuff.

They also had lunch together which of course involved Tay spoiling New to tons of desserts. Tay insisted on paying for everything saying that it was his way of showing his gratitude to New for saving his life when he got stranded in Hat Yai.

After lunch, they continued walking wherever their feet take them. Tay was happily galloping around dragging New to anything that catches his interest.

When they finally got tired, they went back inside the car to drop all the shopping bags they had. 

"Now to the gym," Tay instructed. "You still bring gym clothes at your trunk, right?" Tay knew that after all the eating they had done, his best friend would be itching to burn off the excess calories.

New turned on his engine and started driving toward their gym. "How about you? I didn't see you bring... oh yeah." New laughed. "You don't wear gym clothes at the gym and people have been calling you out for that."

"You know that's not true," Tay shot a look at New and pointed his index fingers at his personal driver. "The ones posted are just when I'm wearing jeans."

"And you know that that's not true," laughed it off.

"Okay, maybe sometimes."

"Tay."

"Okay, fine. Most of the times." Tay conceded while laughing with New.

In the midst of the heavy Bangkok traffic, New's phone, which was attached to his dashboard, rang. He picked up the call which was on drive mode.

"Hello, Kay," New spoke.

Tay's mood immediately turned 180 upon knowing that the guy he was so annoyed with was on the line.

"New. Where are you? We're about to start," Kay's voice was heard throughout the car.

"Yeah. I'm sorry, but I'm kind of busy right now. Please tell everyone I can't come today," he excused himself.

"Uhm. Why?"

"He's working," it was Tay who answered with clear frustration.

"Who's that?"

"Ahh. That's Tay."

"Why is he with you?" Kay was puzzled.

"None of your business. Bye Kay." Tay reached out to New's phone and dropped the call. A smile etched on the corner of his lips.

"Why are you being rude to him?" New asked.

"Nothing," Tay flatly answered.

"Okay. But you're never this rude with anyone else." New was right. One of the best qualities of Tay is that he is very friendly and sociable. Seeing him all flustered and foul at someone was shocking.

"I told you it's nothing. I just don't like him around you."

"You don't like him? Or you don't like him around me?" New wanted to clarify what he just heard.

"Both."

To his thoughts, New supposed that Tay was getting jealous of Kay or being possessive of him. Although he liked that thought, he didn't like that Tay was getting out of character just because of someone he barely knows.

New sighed deeply before speaking to Tay. "Kay's a good guy, Tay. Give him a chance."

"Can we please stop talking about him? I'm only getting more annoyed right now."

New didn't want to cause Tay to get more worked up but he had to call Kay back. "Could you please dial him back please?"

"It's important, Tay," he pleaded.

Tay granted New's request but not before a long, cold glare at him.

"Kay, I'm sorry for Tay's attitude earlier," New apologized to his junior as soon as his call went through. Tay didn't like it and continued throwing a fit.

"Uhm, okay?"

"Please tell everyone I can't come to the group meeting for the outing," New asked Kay.

But instead of being concerned over his friend over missing a meeting, which rarely happens, Tay focused on the fact that New and Kay were on the same team for the upcoming GMMTV outing.

"You are group mates for the outing?" Tay flared up.

"And roommates," Kay triumphantly said over the phone.

"Wait why? Am I not your roommate?"

"Have you checked the room assignments yet?" New apologetically glanced at Tay for a bit before focusing back on the road.

"But I was your roommate for the past years. This is ridiculous." More and more into the day, Tay was getting infuriated. This was supposed to be a happy day with him because he gets to spend it with New. He blamed luck for not being on his side again.

"Please calm down, Tay. Why are you getting so worked up?" New asked Tay who was now facing away breathing heavily. "I'm sorry you had to hear that, Kay."

"But what do I tell the team on why you can't come? P'Yui is here looking for you too."

"Please tell them I have some important matter to attend to."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"Uhm Okay, New."

"Thanks, Kay."

Silence engulfed the car as soon as Kay was off the call. New just allowed Tay to have his tantrum episode for a while.

When he saw that Tay finally calmed down a bit, he reached his left hand over to Tay's thigh to calm him down. "Tay. Next time, you don't really have to lie about it."

Tay was confused at what New was trying to get at. "Me? Lie? About what?" He shot daggering looks at New but the latter only smiled.

"If you want to hang out with me, just tell me. You don't have to produce some fake message from someone telling us to do things."

Tay's jaw dropped and blinked at New. He was caught red-handed.

"Well I have to apologize too because I knew from the very start that it was an act. Out of all people, you had to use P'Yui who called me before you arrived at my apartment reminding me of our meeting."

Tay gulped in guilt of what he had done. He thought that his stunt was selfish and it caused New to miss a meeting which is very uncharacteristic of him. He lowered his head not knowing what to reply.

New saw the remorse in Tay's eyes and immediately reassured him, "It's alright Tay. But always remember that you don't have to lie to me."

"We both know that in the line of work we have, there are only so little we control."

"But when we get to choose, I'd choose you every time."

And with that Tay's stomach stirred up and an intense feeling of elation enveloped his body.

=


	21. That Should Be Me

_"I'd choose you every time._ "

New's words lingered in Tay's mind for quite some time.

 _"What the heck does that mean?"_ Tay kept on repeating it to himself as he lay awake on his bed waiting for the strike of 12 midnight to greet his best friend a happy birthday.

Tay browsed through his iPad a folder named New. It was a collection of his favorite unuploaded pictures of New and some with himself. He kept them all waiting for the right moment to post them in social media.

Tay smiled as he recalled the memories that came with those pictures. Sri Panwa, Korea, Japan. A lot of the pictures were taken during their private trips.

 _"And why am I so giddy right now?"_ He caught himself smiling when he got to a selfie they took when they were in Seoul Tower.

No one ever knew they went there. They kept that part of their trip very intimate. He was thinking of using that picture for his greeting but ultimately decided against it to keep their promise that no one should ever know they went there.

He also considered a pool selfie during their last company outing but was not really sold on it since the memories it had were not necessarily the happiest that they had.

During that time last year, they were already starting to fall out. Although they managed to remain friends, it can't be denied that their relationship was strained. And they never got the chance to clear it all up.

Of course, they talked about it. But things were never clear even after those awkward conversations.

It took him a while before he finally found the perfect picture for a birthday greeting. It was something that was very reflective of their relationship—a stolen picture from Alice of them bickering over food in Japan.

It may not be the cutest or the sweetest photo of them but it was definitely them being comfortable in their natural environment.

 _"HBD Best Friend."_ He typed his caption without forgetting the blue heart emoji.

Tay waited for a few more minutes to twelve o'clock before posting it on Instagram. But since this is Tay, unfortunate things happen to him—he dozed off.

He woke panicked 30 minutes after 1 AM. He sighed heavily and finally uploaded his Instagram post.

He was pleased and contented. Even though he wanted to greet on the exact 12:00 mark, it was enough for him that he was one of the first few people who greeted him.

He continued grinning until he saw a particular post that wiped that smile off his face.

It was Kay's greeting to New. A picture of them each holding a bouquet of flowers from fans during the 20x20 event. Along with the picture was a long greeting that Tay didn't even bother to read.

He checked the time posted. It was 12:00.

And it only took that simple thing to make Tay infuriated.

-

"What is it this time, Tay? And why is that frown planted on your face?" Off greeted Tay whose eyebrows were already scrunched when he arrived at the meeting place for the GMMTV outing. The 91 squad plus Gun and Joss was waiting for Tay outside their assigned bus.

"Today's supposed to be fun, Tay. We're supposed to relax, unwind, enjoy the beach," Arm said as he extended his arms into a swimming motion.

Joss casually placed his right arm around the shorter Tay who was still having some tantrums.

"How can I enjoy when I'm stuck with this person?" Tay side-eyed his assigned roommate.

"Hey, don't blame me dude," Joss threw his arms in the air and shook his head. "I had nothing to do with the room assignments."

"And you're not actually pissed that you're paired off with Joss. You're mad because it's not New," Gun who was assigned with his papii teased Tay.

"Shut up, Gun," he threw daggering looks at the younger who exposed him.

Well everyone around him knew what was going on. Tay had been blabbering about it to them ever since he discovered that tragedy.

Over the last few days, he tried to convince the GMMTV staff to change the room assignments but they simply did not budge. Aside from taking a break, they saw the outing as an opportunity to build up the ships for their upcoming shows. To them, it was important that New had to stay with Kay and Tay with Joss.

"Speaking of New," Alice eyed New who just arrived as well.

Tay who was facing the opposite direction turned his head in an instant to the direction Alice was looking at looking for the man he has been thinking of for the past few days.

"Careful, Tay. Your neck might break," Gun remarked which earned laughter from the entire group.

But Tay was having none of it. His eyes were focused so much with New that he didn't notice that their group was already called to get inside the bus.

From a distance, Tay saw Kay approaching New handing him his favorite juice drink. This made him livid and was ready to march in to the scene.

"Tay!" Joss shouted his partner's name for the third time. This time it was already loud enough to get Tay's attention. "Our bus is about to leave. Hurry up inside." Joss motioned for him to come inside the bus already.

He turned around to check on New again but they were already gone, probably inside their assigned bus already.

On the trip to Hua Hin, Tay was busy on his phone checking twitter and Instagram updates about the trip. Most of them were the younger boys playing mobile games, girls singing and playing with each other, and of course couple posts from real-life couples and from fictional ships.

Joss who was sitting beside him tried so hard to get Tay off his phone and start some sort of conversation.

"Why do Off and Gun get to share a room?" Tay whined.

"Aw. Am I really that awful?" Joss acted like he was hurt with Tay's words when really, he was not. He understood where Tay was coming from and didn't want to rub it in deeper.

"Don't worry, I won't bite, Tay," he joked. Joss moved his head closer to Tay's face and whispered with a sexy voice to his ear, "Unless you want me to."

"Don't you ever come near me," Tay screamed, pushed Joss' face off and glared at him.

Joss only laughed at Tay's reaction. "But we need to. You do know we have to sell something right?"

And by that he meant their ship. They received instruction from the staff that they had to do a bit of interaction and have them posted on social media either by themselves or by someone else. That's how the business works. Fan service.

 _"And look at that. They have started."_ He screamed internally.

Tay rolled his eyes when the hashtag KayNew finally popped. Indeed, there were posts from staff and even from Kay of New munching on some treats from a bag Kay was holding.

He was just glad that New didn't post anything himself else Tay would lose his sanity and all hell would break lose. But that did not stop him from still getting grumpy.

"Ugh. Why do I have a feeling that I'm the only one who's not enjoying this trip?"

"Because you're overthinking everything, Tay." Joss tried to relax the very tense Tawan. "Just relax and enjoy it. I know there's still some work involved here especially with the fan service stuff but hey, we'll be on the beach, we'll have friendly competitions, and there will be a party later tonight."

"Whatever Joss," Tay picked up his phone and put on a smile to post an Instagram story. "Let's just get this over with."

He put it on boomerang, a safe post. Nothing that would make New suspect something he thought.

"Doing it out of spite, eh?" Joss teased further.

"I don't know what you mean," Tay didn't even bother to look at Joss as he uploaded the story.

"Really? As if I haven't seen you check twitter tags right now. And I'm pretty sure it was not JossTay or TayNew you were checking out."

Once again, Tay was caught in the act.

"Just take your mind off things for a moment, Tay. It's not like what they're doing is not fan service."

"What if it's not?" Knowing Kay's intentions with New, Tay thought that Kay was either milking the opportunity or was really doing things a person who wants to date somebody does.

"Then what's it to you? Are you perhaps getting jealous?"

"Jealous my ass," Tay elbowed Joss' side.

"You know with how you're acting up right now, it's difficult to think of the opposite."

-

Everyone got busy when they arrived at the hotel they were staying in. After checking in and settling their stuff in their respective rooms, each team immediately gathered to change into their costumes for the first part of their program.

This helped Tay get his mind off Kay and New. He helped in every bit that he can just to keep himself busy and leave no room to think of them.

Once everything is settled everyone was called to the hall for the parade of each team. Tay was on the yellow team and they had to go first.

Everything went smoothly and two more teams, red and green, followed. Everyone was enjoying the teams' creativity and was laughing at the gags and gimmicks each had to pull off.

After the three teams' exhibition, team blue was called last.

Tay was excited to witness what New's team, who had been preparing for weeks, came up with. He sat across the door and prepared his camera to capture the moment. He was of course planning to zoom in to one person.

The entire room gasped as the blue team barged in with their under the sea concept. Everyone was dressed as a sea creature and they even had props that resembled corals and sea grass. It was pretty magical with the bubble effects.

Amidst the busy and large group dancing to a choreography, Tay finally spotted New who was dressed as one of the merpeople. Tay felt so proud when New played with his trident with baton tricks he once taught him.

Because of the costume, mobility was slightly difficult. Halfway through the blue team's performance, New unfortunately tripped and fell face front. Everyone screamed and panicked as it looked like a hard fall.

Tay's reflexes immediately made him stand up and run to his best friend. But he was too far away to come to New's aid quick. He stopped on his tracks when he saw that Kay already did.

Kay looked just as concerned as Tay was. He assisted New up and even used his brute strength to undo a hem in New's costume which made it difficult to move. To make sure New was alright, Kay held onto New's hand and assisted him walking for the rest of their act. Everyone who saw the scene squealed in excitement. Everyone except Tay.

Tay just froze in his spot and just looked over. He was deeply worried about New but at the same time irritated.

Then Kay whispered something to New which made the latter laugh. It was a genuine laugh that reached his eyes. Tay knows there are only a few things that could make hin laugh as hard without inhibitions.

 _"That should be me... holding your hand... making you laugh."_ Tay whispered to himself, disappointment clearly painted on his face.

=


	22. When It Was Me

After New's accident in the morning, Tay has been dazed, worried sick with his best friend. He begged off participating in the games as he would rather keep a close eye on New.

He wanted to get close and check on him but he was always being dragged by his team mates. He was even more uncomfortable because Kay was hovering around New and assisting him in every way that he can.

_"I should be doing those things. I am his best friend for seven years. It shouldn't be Kay who he just knew for just a year."_

New caught a glimpse of Tay staring intently at him. He smiled trying to reassure the latter that he was fine.

If the circumstances were different, Tay would have felt elated with their prolonged eye contact. But concern and jealousy overpowered all other emotions inside him.

"You know you can just approach him, right?" Joss who was sitting beside Tay softly said to him. Tay's look says it all how he was having an internal debate whether he should check on him or not.

"He'll be fine. Kay is there to assist him," Tay replied still not taking his eyes away from New.

"I know. Kay's a great guy," Joss said. "He and I are good friends and I can assure you that he's a genuinely caring person."

Tay was confused on why Joss was telling him these things which are making him a bit more uncomfortable as it should.

"And I know that he would not mind if you approach them and check on New. So why wouldn't you?"

Tay remained silent, hesitation still clouding his head.

"What are you afraid of, Tay?"

"Me? Afraid?" Tay finally broke his stare and looked at the man he was talking to. His eyes widened by Joss' wild accusation.

"Yeah. This is not the you that I know," Joss explained. "You are always the first person to tend to anyone's needs, Tay. You are not afraid to go the extra mile just to make sure everyone's doing okay. You even go out of your way just to do what is right."

"But now, all I can see is a coward. A coward who can't even just ask his friend if he's doing okay. Why? I don't know. And I bet you don't know why either."

"I don't really know what's going on with you three, but this is so uncharacteristic of you, Tay. I just can't fathom what could make you change this much."

Joss words hit Tay right straight in the gut. He was lost for words with everything that Joss have said.

 _"Am I really jealous? Is it jealousy that has been clouding my judgement?"_ Tay asked himself over and over.

And in that very bizarre circumstance, Tay finally came into terms that he was indeed jealous.

_"Yeah I am jealous. I am jealous of Kay."_

_"Yes, I am jealous. But not because he wants to make New his boyfriend but because he is brave enough to do things which I should be doing as New's best friend."_

_"I can still remember when it was me. It was I who made New smile, who made New laugh. It was I who celebrated with him all his highs, who took care of him when he was down. It was I who was there all the time."_

_"Yeah. I am the best friend. I should act like that kind of best friend again."_

Tay finally stood up to do what he has been meaning to do since the accident.

But just as he stood up, everybody else were also on their feet. It was announced that it was already their free time until the party in the evening.

Tay had to go through the waves of people to get to where New sat earlier. He walked fast accidentally bumping into people. And every time he did, he apologetically wai'd at them.

He finally got to the spot where New was but they were already nowhere to be found. He grabbed a chair and stood on it to see where his best friend was.

His head turned at every direction and finally spotted his friend already three steps out of the door at the east side. Walking close with him was his roommate.

"P'Tay, what are you doing over there? Sightseeing? There are more beautiful sights outside."

Tay looked over to see who called him and saw that it was Earth.

"Hey there Earth, hey Podd! I'm actually looking for New. I wanted to check if he's okay after the mishap earlier," he replied as he hopped off the chair almost stumbling down when he landed.

"Ahhh. He is indeed sightseeing," Podd teased. "I saw him with Kay. I heard that they were going back to their room. New wanted to take a rest," he added.

"Yup. But we are supposed to meet Kay by the pool later for some swimming during our free time. Do you want to join us?" Earth shared.

"Our group will be down at the pool later, too. I'll see you there. But I need to check on New first. Do you happen to know their room number?" Tay asked.

"Sorry, P'Tay." Earth shook his head.

"But they're on the same floor with us. 4th floor. You might want to check that out," Podd suggested.

"Thank you so much. That's a great help already. And see you later. I have to go check on New now," Tay politely motioned to leave the conversation.

Before the two could even reply, Tay already ran off towards the exit door.

He headed for the elevator greeting everyone he met along the way with a smile. He can't be bothered with small talk right as of the moment as he was focused on his goal to check on his best friend.

When he got there, the crowd was pretty thick queueing for the elevator. He decided to use the stairs instead as that would definitely be much quicker.

He dashed through the stairs and got to the 4th floor huffing and puffing for air. He leaned on his legs trying to catch his breath. He looked around and found an empty and quiet hallway. He brushed his hand through his hair in confusion.

 _"What now?"_ Tay laughed at himself for absolutely not knowing what to do. He resigned by heading back down to his floor to change his clothes for the pool.

He felt a bit odd but Tay was smiling to himself. He felt a ton of weight was lifted from him once he finally admitted that he was jealous.

"Hey happy! What's with the sudden change of mood?," Off asked Tay as soon as he joined the guys at the pool. He was met with amused glances from everyone who noticed the complete change in his disposition.

"Today's supposed to be fun, Off. We're supposed to relax, unwind, enjoy the beach or the pool," he mocked Arm's words to him earlier.

"Okay?," Arm snickered. "Then good. Last one to the other side buys ice cream," he challenged.

A sudden swimming competition ensued. The three boys swam with all their might all the way to other side of the pool. Arm and Off made it there together and Tay was left lagging behind. The two laughed at the other who suffered from cramps midway.

Unexpectedly, a man reached over to Tay who was clearly struggling and assisted him to the side of the pool. He helped him up and sat him by the side.

"Are you okay P'?"

"Uhm. I forgot to stretch before swimming," Tay shyly responded as his legs were getting stretched.

"Thank you, Kay. You don't have to be so kind to me," he said not even looking at the person who helped him.

"You clearly needed help P'Tay. I can't just stand there and watch you drown or something," Kay smiled at him.

"New wouldn't want that," he added which made Tay blush a little.

"Where is he? Is he coming to swim?" Tay asked.

"He's resting in our room. He's a bit tired from earlier."

"Hmm. How is he? Is he alright?" Tay asked with concern.

"Yup. We had him checked by the hotel nurse. No major injuries. Just a bruise on his left arm," Kay responded as he finished stretching Tay.

Just as then, Off and Arm merrily jogged to approach Tay.

"You owe us ice cream," Off demanded.

"Jerks. Can't you see I'm injured here? And you're demanding for a free treat?" Tay glared at his two friends who left him suffering while just laughing at his misfortune.

"C'mon it's just a cramp. And you still lost so you still owe us," Arm continued to pester Tay.

"I should get going P's. Joss and Luke are already waiting for me," Kay politely wai'd at his seniors as he left the scene.

"He's such a good kid, right?" Off commented at Kay who was now swimming towards his friends.

Tay could only nod in agreement.

"No wonder you feel threatened by him," Off and Arm both smirked at Tay who was clearly pissed at that regard.

Before Tay could even protest, both ran away and dove back into the pool leaving the injured man behind.

 _"I'm not threatened by him. My best friend would still choose me. He said so."_ Tay just smiled at the thought.

=


	23. Dancing On My Own

"So, you finally managed to get a Chun Li costume?" An amused Alice greeted Tay as he proudly walked towards their table for their dinner.

A banquet was set-up by the beach where a large air-conditioned tent was put up exclusively for the company.  
  
"Yeah. I was frustrated I wasn't able to wear one last year so I made sure that this time I'll have one custom made for me," Tay was all smiles narrating the lengths he had to go through to finally wear a Chun Li costume.

He attempted to the previous year. Unfortunately, the costume he borrowed barely fit him. When the theme of video games was announced, he made sure that this time, he would prevail in becoming his beloved character.  
  
"So who are you two?" Tay asked Arm and Alice.  
  
"Link and Zelda," Arm replied as he wrapped his arm around Alice.  
  
"And you two?" Tay with a confused look asked Off and Gun who were with them at the table.  
  
"We're tetris blocks," Gun turned around to reveal the T pattern on his back and showed the straight pattern on Off's.  
  
"Boring," Tay mocked.

"Well just look at Krist wearing red and Singto wearing white as a poor excuse of being a Pokeball," Off pointed at the other couple a few tables away who were side by side explaining to everybody their costume.

"And Joss?" Tay looked at Joss from head to foot who was just in some jersey shorts, a silky jacket over his bare torso, and some tape and gauze wrapped around his hands. "You're a martial artist?"  
  
"Nope. I'm Pacman," Joss said as he threw quick combo punches in the air. "Get it? Manny Pacquiao, PacMan?"  
  
Tay rolled his eyes at the corny pun "Ugh. You're just making a lousy excuse to show off your gorgeous body."  
  
"Thanks for calling my body gorgeous, Tay." Joss raised his brows at Tay.  
  
Tay snickered and said, "If you wanted to be Pacman, you should have joined Earth and the others. They even have the four ghosts." He pointed at a small group of boys who coordinated their costumes for a full set of Pacman characters.  
  
"Well if you're so into crossdressing, which I totally have nothing against, you could have dressed as Princess Peach to pair up with Mario," Joss retaliated giving Tay a smug look.

"Who's wearing Mario?" Tay turned his head around to look for anyone wearing a Mario costume.

"Hey Joss! Luke is looking for you," Kay approached their table to inform Joss who immediately stood up to make his way to their friend. "Hello P's." He wai'd at his seniors.

"Hi N'Kay! I see you're dressed up as Luigi," Off commented making sure that Tay heard him loud and clear.

Then it clicked for Tay. He immediately thought that New was wearing the Mario costume which he later confirmed when the latter waved at him from his spot three tables back.

"Too bad Luigi is just Mario's brother," Tay regarded Kay. "You should have gone for the mushroom."

"So Mario can eat me?" Kay winked at Tay who instantly regretted his witty remark that Kay turned into a green innuendo.

"N-n-no," he stuttered. "That's not what I meant." He wildly shook his head.

"Well you look good as Chun Li, P'Tay. Did you pair up with anyone?" Kay complimented.

"Uhm. Nope." Tay was never the one to coordinate costumes with anyone mostly because his plans were last-minute or simply because he didn't bother to.

"I have to excuse myself P's, New might be looking for me," Kay politely wai'd again to leave their table.

When Kay was already far enough Gun announced to the group. "Kay-3. Tay-0." This earned laughter from everyone who heard it including Tay who let out a slight chuckle.

"C'mon. It's not even a competition," he confidently said.

"But your eyes tell us otherwise," Off noted the lingering look Tay gave Kay when the latter was leaving.

"That's weird," Arm whispered gently to Alice.

"Weird how?"

"Usually Tay gets annoyed with the mention of Kay's name especially when associated with New. But look at him now. Just shrugging it off like it's nothing."

Alice observed Tay's demeanor which was calmer than he usually is. "I see. Just this morning he was all fussed with not being roommates with him. What's gotten into him?"

The night went on with dinner and some lively entertainment by some of the artists and staff. Prizes were given to the best costumes and to the winners of the games held earlier in the morning.

After the festivities, a DJ was called on stage to pump up the party. Drinks were passed around to which Tay of course refused. People partied hard like as the lights flickered to the loud beats.

Tay who was not really fond of dancing and parties stood at the sidelines slightly moving his body but failing to stay on beat. He just observed his friends getting their fill of alcohol as they wildly grinded on each other's bodies, some even doing tricks on the floor.

His eyes though were always glued to his best friend who was with his own set of friends enjoying his time. Still hovering around New was Kay who was clearly intoxicated evidenced by his uncoordinated movements.

Tay's friends kept on calling him but he refused to move and just stayed at his corner dancing on his own.

After an hour at frolicking, the dance party was winding up but a bunch of people were still crowding on the dance floor milking every bit of the event.

He saw that New was leaving for the exit alone probably heading back to his room. Tay tried to call him but to no avail. New was so far away from Tay, but still so near. The lights finally came up and the music died. But New never saw Tay standing by at the corner.

Tay resigned back to his chair playing scenarios in his head. He was slightly disturbed by the thought of Kay being tipsy and the things he might do to New.

"Tired?" Tay was snapped back to reality by Joss who sat beside him. He simply nodded as his eyes still wandered at the people left inside the pavilion. Just then, an idea popped in his mind.

"Joss, you said your close with Kay, right?" he looked over at Joss who was wiping his sweaty muscular body.

"Um yeah. Why?"

"Please don't leave him tonight," Tay said trying to paint a concerned look on his face.

"What do you mean?" Joss asked in confusion.

Tay moved closer to Joss and pointed out Kay who was being assisted by Luke. "I'm afraid he's going to meet some unfortunate event tonight."

"How do you know? Did you infect him with your bad luck?" Joss teased.

"I just have an odd feeling Joss," Tay stood up and dragged Joss' arms to make him stand. "Now please just keep a close eye on him. I'm truly worried."

"Ah. Okay?"

"Hurry, please." As soon as he succeeded in lifting Joss of his chair, he nudged Joss' back to Kay's direction.

Once seeing that everyone is distracted, Tay rummaged through Kay's seat looking for something in particular that might help him accomplish his goal for the night.

"Bingo!" Tay rejoiced as he found what he was looking for. He hurried himself out of the venue and excitedly galloped towards the main hotel building.

"Excuse me. What are you doing?" A hotel staff called out Tay who was being sneaky on the fourth floor, trying his luck on opening random room doors with the key card he managed to _"borrow"_ from Kay.

"Ahh hello P'. I forgot my room number so I'm trying out a few doors on my floor." Tay kept his cool tone although his heart was racing from fear that he might get into trouble.

"I'm sorry but what you are doing is a threat to security. I'm afraid I have to report you to our security," the male staff reached for his radio to call but Tay stopped him.

"No, please. I'm really on this floor. See? I have a GMMTV badge with me," he showed the logo on his ID to the staff who was still skeptical of the situation.

"Sorry but I have to take you with me to the secu-."

"You can call reception to verify P'." Tay immediately cut off the staff from finishing.

"My name is Kay Lertsittichai. You can check. You have to believe me, please." Tay pleaded for his case and used every bit of his acting skills to persuade the staff.

The guy radioed the front desk to verify Tay's claims.

"You're room 4012, khun Kay. Please remember that to avoid trouble next time," the staff politely pointed to the room beside where he caught Tay earlier.

"Ah. So it's the next door. See? I just got confused as the rooms all look the same," Tay smiled at the staff and pointed at every other door nearby. "I have to go now. My stomach is ill. Thank you again, P'."

Tay hurriedly went in the room and locked the door behind him.

The room was silent and dark. Only the dim lights from the side table were giving so little illumination to the suite.

 _"Two double beds, not a queen-sized."_ He smiled as he saw New peacefully sleeping on his side on one of the beds.

For a few minutes, Tay just knelt at the gap between the two beds, resting his chin on New's bed while gazing dearly at the calm face of his best friend. Flashes of their Sri Panwa trip came to his mind again as he carefully brushed off the strands of hair on New's forehead.

Tay smiled and stood up. He quietly pushed some furniture away to connect the two beds together. He tried his best to do it so gently so as not to disturb New.

He snuggled himself with his back on the bed as close as he can to his best friend. Actually, with how they are positioned, there was no need to connect the two beds at all because they were only occupying one.

He turned his face to his side and once again stared at the person sleeping beside him.

Suddenly, an arm wrapped around his torso pulling him closer. But instead of feeling comfort as he usually does, he was beyond mortified.

His heart pounded loudly and his entire body stiffened.

 _"Why? Does he always do this with Kay?"_ Tay's mind was struggling at the thought that New had no idea that it was him instead of his roommate.

 _"Does he cuddle Kay like what he is doing to me right now?"_ Tay can't contain the hurt that he is feeling that a tear dropped from his eye. His breathing started to get heavier by the second and he no longer could take the pain.

"Why are you here, Tay?" a deep low voice escaped from New whose eyes were still closed. Tay felt a cold gush in his body once again this time by the resonance of his name.

_"Tay? Did I hear that correctly?"_

"And you're so tense, Tay" New added as he pulled Tay so much closer and gripped him tighter and turned the older to his side to spoon him.

"Ho-how?" Tay stuttered when he confirmed that it was his name New mentioned.

New sniffed the back of Tay's head and whispered. "Wood sage. Do you think that I'll ever forget my favorite scent?"

 _"Favorite scent?"_ Tay blushed. He was glad the lights were dim or his deep red face would have been very obvious.

"I don't know how you managed to get in, but you know there is an easier way right?" New gently spoke again.

"Uhh," that was all that Tay managed to reply.

"Like I told you before, Tay, just ask. All you ever have to do is ask."

Tay finally calmed down, relaxed and felt blissful as they once again shared each other's body. _"Just like the old times."_ He said to himself as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

At last, his heart steadied as it beat in unison with New's.

=


	24. The Cure

"Tay, why are you limping?" Off commented loudly at Tay who was wobbling as he walked towards them. This made Gun, Alice and Arm turn their heads and gave Tay a knowing look. "Don't tell me you finally gave it up last night?"

"What are you talking about, Off?" Tay asked, clueless about being the talk of the morning.

"We heard. You sneaky bastard," Arm lightly punched Tay's arm.

"What?" Tay scowled and was starting to get annoyed.

"I can't see any hickey though," Gun joined in the teasing as he reached for Tay's shirt inspecting his neck and shoulder blades.

"What the hell are you all talking about?" He violently shrugged the small guy off him as he raised his voice at his friends.

"Tay. That's the buzz that's been going around since early this morning," Alice hushed him.

"Please get to the point. I don't really understand," Tay was still genuinely confused.

"Okay let me do this," Gun volunteered and faced Tay with a straight face. "Did you finally lose your virginity last night when you sneaked into New's room?"

"What?" Tay screamed gaining the attention of people nearby who heard him. "Of course not. That would never happen." He sternly pointed at each one of them.

"Then please explain why you are limping and why you are extraordinarily glowing today," Off winked at Tay to annoy him even more.

Then it dawned on Tay. This should be the reason why he felt awkward when people's heads turned when he passed them earlier. He never thought that a silly rumor would spread just because he was not able to walk properly.

"The limping is because I stepped on a broken piece of glass after I accidentally dropped it this morning," he explained. "And I naturally glow okay? I hate it when people always say it's ASG." He heavily rolled his eyes and crossed his arms to dismiss the gossip.

"Is that really so?" Arm was still at it.

"You can check with the infirmary to back my story," Tay was at boiling point already and looked at Arm with a stare that could kill him.

"Fine. Jeez. Just relax," Arm tried to pacify the situation.

"How can I relax when..."

"Taaay." From behind him, New called out Tay to hand him a drink.

"This is all your fault," Tay snapped at New and walked out from the scene still favoring his right foot.

"What? Wait. Tay," New was confused at what was happening as well. He tried to catch him but he was too quick even with an injury.

"Hey New," Off greeted.

"What's wrong with him? Did I do something wrong?" with a concerned look, New asked them.

"He's just being grumpy about the rumo... ouch." Gun spoke but was stopped when he was elbowed by Off. "Hey." He glared at the older.

"Rumor? What rumor?" Despite Off's efforts, New was quick to catch on what Gun was trying to say.

"C'mon guys. New is involved with this, too. He has the right to know," Alice tried to convince Off.

"Yes. But you should talk it out with Tay not us," Off replied.

"But talking isn't really our strong suit," New bashfully admitted.

"Tell me about it," Off had to roll his eyes at the old news. He's been a witness of how dumb these two could get and avoid talking to each other which only magnifies their problems; and he's already sick of it.

"Well. Uhm. How do I say this?" Arm tried to explain to New but wasn't able to find the right words. He pleaded to Gun with his eyes to take over.

"Ugh. Why does it always have to be me?" Gun exclaimed. "Tay is mad at you because there are rumors going around that you took away his virginity last night because he's been limping so bad since he walked out your room this morning."

New's jaw dropped at the revelation. "Heeey. Nothing happened between us guys. You're misunderstanding it."

"No, New. We perfectly understand it. Tay explained about the broken glass," Arm said.

"But why does he blame you for it?" asked Alice.

"I don't know either. But I know I must do something to stop this rumor."

New quickly drew out his phone to do something to patch things up.

-

"Taaaay," New tried to gently shake off the Tay's head which was resting on his chest. "Get up. It's 9 AM already. We'll miss breakfast."

"Let's just skip breakfast," Tay groaned as he lifted the covers to his chin and positioned his head deeper into New's chest and neck.

"Who are you and what did you do to Tay? Tay never skips breakfast."

"Of course, I do sometimes. Every time we're like this," Tay casually said.

"Like what?"

"What?" Tay realized his slip-up and immediately felt like cold water was doused on him. "I mean every time we wake up late because we oversleep because you feel so comfortable..." He tried to cover up but once again failed. "I-I-I mean the b-b-bed feels so co-c-comfortable." He stuttered but still remained at his position on New's chest.

"Hahaha. Okay." New laughed. "I'll get up and shower first."

New lifted Tay's head off him and slowly stood up to take a shower. This prompted Tay to sit up and lean on the headboard.

 _"What the heck is wrong with you, Tay?"_ He thought, all smiles. _"Relax,"_ he tapped his chest trying to calm his heart down. " _It's not like you've never cuddled each other before."_

Tay recalled the countless times that they cuddled in bed, most of the times when they were on a vacation. A grin never left his face as he stared blankly at nowhere in particular.

"Hey. Why are you smiling over there? It's your turn now," New said as he walked out of the bathroom in a robe. He used the towel on his hand to dry his hair.

"My clothes are in my room."

"Oh right. I forgot that we're not supposed to be roommates and you only sneaked in," New snickered at Tay as he sat on the bed.

"I so did not," he argued.

"Okay if what you did was not sneaking then I do not know what is."

"No. I was just worried because of the accident and because Kay was drunk," he tried to justify his actions.

"Thank you, Tay." New sat closer to his best friend and softly hugged him in appreciation of the concern he had shown. "But please go brush your teeth. Your breath stinks like rotten egg," he added.

"So noooot." Tay said loudly making sure to puff an extra breath by New's nose.

"Taaaay. Go," New complained, covered his nose and pushed Tay toward the bathroom.

"I don't have a toothbrush."

"There's an unused toothbrush on the vanity. Kay brought his own electric toothbrush so we have a spare one," New offered.

"Okay fine. But why did you have to mention his name?" Tay got irritated when New mentioned Kay even though he was not part of their conversation. He knew it was a harmless remark but he can't help feeling annoyed.

"Huh? Why?"

"Nothing. I'm going now." Tay hopped off the bed and got to the bathroom. Inside, everything was still organized. He got a glass and opened the tap to fill it with water. He found a seemingly unused toothbrush but wanted to confirm it with New.

"New, is this the one?" he peeked out the door to see New only in his boxers. He was so shocked at the sight of New's bare, pearly white and muscular body that he lost his grip of the glass of water.

The glass shattered into pieces and even though Tay tried to avoid it, he managed to step on a broken glass shard.

"Aaaaah."

"Tay? What happened?" The sound of the broken glass and Tay's loud moan got New's attention. "Are you okay?"

"I think I stepped on a glass shard," Tay said as he carefully lifted his foot to see tiny drop of blood coming out.

New panicked at the sight of blood and decided that Tay should be brought to the hotel clinic. "Don't move. I'll get some shoes and bring you to the infirmary."

New quickly searched the room for his sneakers and immediately wore them.

"It's okay, New. It's just a tiny wound," Tay tried to calm New down.

"Something might be stuck there and it might get infected."

"But..."

"Stop arguing. You'll start filming next week so you should be in perfect condition." New said as he stood up after tying his shoe laces. "Now hop on," he offered his back to Tay.

"What?" Tay exclaimed hesitating to ride New's bare back. "Could you at least wear a shirt?" Tay continuously complained.

"Heeeey." Tay whined so loudly when New decided to carry him bridal style instead. It happened so swiftly that Tay had to wrap his arms around New's neck to keep his balance. He felt shy upon feeling the bare skin of the man carrying him.

"When will you stop whining?"

"Hey. No. No. No." Tay protested as New lifted him out of the room and ran.

"Stop talking. Your breath stinks," New continued teasing Tay about his morning breath.

-

"There. That should end it," New said and put his phone back in his pocket.

It was the three's turn now to put out their phones to see what New did.

And they saw New posting an Instagram story of Tay crying and moaning when the nurse plucked out a tiny piece of broken glass from Tay's foot.

"Now you go talk to him," Off pointed at Tay who sat alone on one of the lounge chairs by the pool.

New silently sat opposite Tay and finally handed him his drink which the latter accepted. "Tay. I'm so sorry." New said full of remorse.

"What are you sorry for?" Tay asked.

Actually, at the moment he walked out, Tay felt extremely guilty that he snapped on New. He knew that it was not New's fault that he panicked upon seeing the younger's naked body.

"I'm sorry that you had to endure that nasty rumor. I did what I could to stop it."

"Hmmm." Tay nodded at New acknowledging the apology. "You didn't have to do it."

"Of course, I do. I was partly to blame for it." He forced out a smile to ease Tay's tension.

"And I'll do it every time. And even if you say you're okay, I'm going to do it anyway. I promise I'll always be there." New committed to Tay.

"And I'm sorry that I forced you to brush your teeth. If I didn't, none of this would have happened."

"Hmmm." Tay nodded failing to hide a shy smile from New's words.

New saw that Tay finally relaxed so he further apologized. "And I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable in front of the nurse when I kissed your head."

"Neeeew," Tay whined and lightly kicked New's shin. "Someone might hear you and misinterpret things again."

New couldn't help but smile at Tay's reaction.

"Sorry. I just didn't know how to keep you from moving so that she could safely pick out the piece of glass from your feet."

He recalled how long it took for Tay to calm down when they were in the clinic. He had to restrain him else the older might have kicked the nurse. But even then, Tay was still moving around making it hard for the nurse to do anything. 

Then he thought that the only thing that could keep him from moving is to surprise him to a state of shock, hence, the kiss on his temples.

"Please stop being mad already," New reached out for Tay's legs which was instantly swatted off.

"I'm not, okay?"

"Okay," New was convinced despite the annoyed tone. "Then please stop blushing. I might get the wrong impression that you liked IT." He winked at Tay and left.

"Neeeew."

=


	25. Some Type of Love

"Hey Alice, I haven't heard from the delivery guys, yet. Are you sure that it's coming in today?"

"That's what they told me, Tay."

Tay had been very busy for the past week trying to come up with a surprise for New. His best friend is finally back in Bangkok permanently just in time for his upcoming projects.

One, will be the promotion of his upcoming movie and two, Waterboyy 2 will also start filming.

"I'm just making sure that it gets delivered today because... yeah. I sort of need it. Today." Tay emphasized.

It was the 14th of February; but no, Tay didn't mean the surprise to be a Valentine's day affair but just a " _welcome back_ " and " _congratulations_ " thing. It just so happens that the press release of New's movie was on the same date.

"I know, I know. But you really don't have to worry yet, Tay. It's just 10 in the morning. It's a long day ahead."

For this particular surprise, Tay had to ask Alice for help. She has a lot of connections especially in the buy and sell scene.

"Yeah, you're right. But I'm really nervous for it." Tay said as he clipped his phone between his left ear and shoulder while trying to select some fresh roses from a flower shop nearby.

"You know what, Tay? I bet he'll appreciate it even if he doesn't see it today. If he learns the lengths you had to go through so that you can get that back, he'll definitely make you his boyfriend." Alice joked. Indeed, Tay went through all sorts of trouble for what he had in mind.

"Hey, I'm not asking him to be my boyfriend, Alice," he squealed. "I just want to show him that there are things that I value not because of its monetary worth but because of the memories that they hold. And I wish he'd realize that as well."

"I wish I could smack you right now. You're doing all of these on Valentine's day but you're telling me that he's just a friend?" If only Tay could see how hard Alice rolled her eyes. Everyone but Tay thinks that this was a Valentine's day surprise.

"Not just any kind of friend, a best friend." He pointed out.

"Okay fine if you say so. But don't come nagging at us again when he becomes someone else's boyfriend."  
  
Tay gulped hard at that. "I don't mind him being in a romantic relationship with someone else..." he hesitated before proceeding. "Just as long as ours remain the same."

The fade in Tay's voice was apparent. Even he can't convince himself that his words were true.

"Whatever, Tay. Keep on fooling yourself then." Alice resigned. "I'll just call you when I get the confirmation when the package arrives at your apartment."

"I'm getting three dozens of these please," Tay asked the shop owner to arrange a bunch of roses for him.

"For a special someone?"

"For a... friend," Tay smiled.

"Wow." It was unusual for her to see someone buy that much flowers just for a friend. She got curious and probed Tay. "She must be a very special person for you to give her that much."

"It's actually a guy. But please don't misunderstand, P'. It's a congratulatory gift," he tried to explain.

"On Valentine's day?" The lady asked what everyone had been asking Tay the past few days.

"Ahh yes. You see, he is launching a big project later and I just want to surprise him with some flowers."

"Then yellow is a good choice. Although some people say that yellow could also mean jealousy," she shared.  
  
"Jealousy? No, no, no. I'm not jealous of anyone. No, not at all." Tay vigorously shook his head while laughing at the lady's remark. "Although there is this other person... wait. You don't need to know that." He stopped himself from oversharing again.

Tay has always been the talkative one. Sometimes it becomes too much for his own sake.

"Hey nong, I only said that it could mean another thing. You didn't have to reveal that you're really jealous of someone." She smirked when she proved herself right about her instinct about his customer and the person he's giving the flowers to.

"I'm not," he once again denied.

"Fine. I believe you. But are you sure you're really getting him yellow?"

"What do you mean?"

The lady put down the bunch of yellow roses and walked over to where the red ones were. "Yes, yellow is good, but wouldn't he like red or white roses better?"

Tay walked over to where the lady was and listened. "They symbolize love, nong." She saw hesitation in Tay's eyes so she added, "It doesn't have to be the romantic kind of love."

"Red, you see, represents the deepest form of love, and white represents the purest form of love," she held out a couple of red and white roses at Tay's directions.

Tay was lost in his thought on what color to get. It was his first time giving someone flowers on February 14.  
  
"Well I don't really know what kind of love I have for him," he tenderly spoke. "Platonic love that is," his voice cracked in panic.

"Platonic huh?"

"Yes. The kind of friendship and love that lasts a lifetime," he smiled and raised his eyebrows at the flower lady. "The type that when we're old and gray and our faces changed, there won't be a moment when our hearts don't feel the same."

That's how he described his love for his best friend. That's how he wanted their love to be. A love that will withstand the test of time. A love that will always be there despite whatever trials be thrown at them.

"If you really can't decide, why don't you just get a variety of them?" the lady pointed at a prearranged bouquet of different flowers with different colors.

"Uhm. I think I'd stick with the yellow roses, P'. I think it is the most appropriate for the occasion." He stuck with his previous decision.

"Okay. If that's what you really want." She started counting 36 roses and arranged them in a bouquet that was meant as a congratulatory gift.

"And do you have those white long-stemmed roses that's inside a plastic casing already? The one with a ribbon tied around it?" Tay curiously asked for something similar to what New gave him the previous year. He thought that aside from congratulating him, he should return the favor New did last year.

"Oh yes, the ones couples usually give to each other. You want one as well?"

"Wait, that's what it means?" Tay was surprised when the flower lady disclosed what that kind of gift could signify.

"It can mean anything you like, nong." She laughed at Tay's sudden panic.

"Uhm. Okay, I'll just get one as well," he shyly said as a blush formed at his cheeks.

Just as Tay was about to walk out the shop, he saw a familiar white car parked somewhere near. He raced back inside in case his guess was correct because he didn't want to be seen buying some flowers.

He peeked at the door and saw a manly figure get in the driver's seat while the door on the passenger's side just closed. He was curious and phoned New immediately.

"Hey New!"

"Hi Tay. What is it?" Tay could sense the smile that New had on his face while answering the call.

"Nothing really. I just thought I saw you drive past me." Tay wasn't sure that it was New. He tried to catch the plate number but it's futile as he really can't recall what New's was.

"Yes, I am driving right now. Where are you?"

"Uh. Never mind. It's nothing," he brushed off not wanting New to get suspicious. "Where are you headed anyway? Don't you have a press release today?"

"Yes, it's in the afternoon. I'm heading there after I drop someone at our university."

"Chula? Who is it?" Tay got curious. He was right after all—that it was New that he just saw with an unknown passenger in his car.

"Someone from home," he replied with caution. "Someone you probably don't know."

"Yeah. Probably. Why do you have to drive her? Can't she just take a cab or something?" Tay inquired.

"Hey, she's a good friend. I could say the same thing about you who always use me as your personal grab driver," New retaliated with Tay's subtle accusation.

And with that answer, Tay made certain that he had a female passenger whose identity he does not know yet. He felt a bit odd, borderline jealous, but was not letting anything ruin his plan for the night.

"Ok. Just don't forget that we have dinner tonight."

"Okay. I won't ever forget that. This is the first time you invited me for a Valentine's date," New gushed.

"It's not a date," Tay exclaimed raising his voice a bit.

"Okay. Valentine's dinner?"

"Stop attaching that Valentine's day thing," Tay felt flustered and complained.

"So just a dinner?"

"Yes, JUST a dinner."

"A dinner then," New flatly said seemingly disappointed. In his mind, he wished that what Tay prepared was a Valentine's date.

=


	26. Hurts

"Is it for good this time?" Tay asked New upon hearing from him that he's coming back to Bangkok.

"Yeah. We will start with our workshops and filming two weeks from now."

"So I heard. We will start just about the same time, too." Tay said as he continued to stare at the person driving him home after their company outing.

Both of their series are scheduled to air just around the same month on different channels. They also didn't have any project together lined up for the year; not even their hit show TayNew Meal Date. This means that they will be busy with separate projects and will not get to hang out with each other for most of the year.

"I'm really proud of you, Tay," New said as he reached over to gently tap the elder's head when they reached a traffic stop. New met Tay's eyes and squinted.

"Why is that?" Tay got shy that he shifted his gaze away struggling to find something other than New to look at.

'Your career is going so well with two series for this year, a YouTube show, plus numerous product endorsements. The fans love you so much."

"Hey, don't make me blush with your words," Tay softly said while his heart was racing. When he gained enough courage, he looked at his best friend to repay his kind words.

"And you don't have to be modest. Your career is going well, too. You have a movie and a series which are both expected to be huge hits. And don't forget that you are loved by Honeys and Polcas as well."

For a moment, New fell silent before the traffic light turned green and started driving again.

"I was not being modest. I was waiting for you to return the compliment."

"Asshole," Tay punched New's arm and rolled his eyes. New always knew what to say to break any awkward moment looming up.

New continued silently driving while Tay took control of the music.

"Can I ask you something?" New suddenly asked.

"Sure." Tay replied casually as he turned his attention back to his best friend.

"Uhm. I'm not quite sure how to ask this politely."

"Go on. You don't have to act like you are not impolite to me as always."

New hesitated and was having second thoughts if asking will be the right thing to do. But he had to do it anyway.

He took a deep breath and opened up, "Uhm. I haven't received word from you regarding the transfer of ownership of our businesses."

"Oh. About that." Tay was surprised at New's question. He actually never thought about it. The last time it was mentioned was when New was about to leave and their emotions were at a high. Never did Tay act on his decision that night to buy out New's portion of the business.

"I decided against it," his simple reply.

"Why?"

"You are better in running the businesses than I am. I don't think I can run them on my own." Tay didn't know what else to say. "I know what I said and did not say, and I take it back. I don't want you out."

"Why?"

"I just told you the reason," his heart inexplicably beat fast again as his voice slightly cracked.

"That's it?" New prodded.

"Well, what other reasons do you want?" He raised his voice as his head was starting to boil for no reason.

There was silence for a while but New broke it when he bared his truth of the situation. "That you don't want to break the only thing that was common to us, well you know, when we were not okay."

Tay lowered his head not knowing what to answer. New always has a way with his words and this time he unknowingly took the words right out of Tay's head—something that even Tay wasn't able to do.

Yet it was true, even for Tay. That maybe the reason why he deliberately did not act on the transfer of ownership was because he was hoping that they will still be able to fix things between themselves and he can't dare to break the first biggest decision they made together as partners, business partners.

"When are you arriving again?" Tay tried to steer away from the topic.

"On the 14th," New once again said something he already told Tay earlier that night.

"That's Valentine's day."

"Yeah. And that's also the day we will be launching the movie." One of the reasons that casting and shooting was rushed is because the producers targeted Valentine's day as the date for the press launch.

"Wow. We need to celebrate then." Tay suggested.

"Yeah?"

"New, you do remember when you said that I need only to ask right?"

"Uhuh."

"I want to ask you something," Tay excitedly faced New and reached out to his arm.

"What is it?"

"Can we have dinner that night? You know, as a celebratory dinner for your new movie?" Tay can't help but expose his excitement over his plan for that day. He actually thought about hanging out with his best friend on Valentine's day for a while already. He had already a surprise in mind but wasn't exactly sure if New would be in Bangkok on that day. And upon knowing that he actually will be, he immediately grabbed the opportunity to invite him.

"Are you asking me out on a Valentine's date?" New snickered at Tay whose smile suddenly became a frown.

"Of course not," he denied.

"Well that sucks." New shrugged his shoulders in disappointment. He wanted to have a date with Tay on that day. But Tay was so stubborn to call it as it is.

"What?"

"I mean, yeah sure. The event ends at 6 PM. I'll just fetch you somewhere."

-

"Finally, it's done. Everything looks perfect now." Tay told himself as bullets of sweat dropped from his face.

 _"He'll definitely make you his boyfriend."_ He recalled Alice's statement.

"Boyfriend my ass. What has gotten in Alice's mind to think that that would be possible?" He chuckled a bit as he watched his masterpiece. He took a second look and made sure everything looks perfect for his surprise for his best friend.

He looked at his clock to see that it was already a few minutes past two o'clock in the afternoon. _"I got an hour left to prepare. I better shower now because I stink from all that lifting and moving things around,"_ he thought as he took a sniff from his sweaty armpits.

He took off his white shirt and used it to wipe the sweat off his entire body. He grabbed a drink and his phone to text New.

 _"I'll wait for you at the office. Can't wait for our dinner tonight. Congratulations, best friend!"_ He Lined New before he took a shower.

But waiting at the office wasn't Tay's plan at all. It was a diversion from his actual plan of being at the event to support New.

-

"P'Tay!" A familiar face called out Tay as he entered the dark theater for the press launch of Windstruck, New's upcoming movie.

"Hey it's you," Tay greeted one of New's fans that he recognized so well because of her being present in almost all of their fan meetings and gatherings.

"Please don't post anything about me being here," he begged of the group of girls when he saw that some of them were about to point their cameras and phones at him.

"Is this supposed to be a surprise?" one of the girls asked.

"Uhm. Sort of. He doesn't know I'm here. But we made plans for later," he politely shared.

"Weee," they squealed in kilig. "You're having a Valentine's date. And you even brought roses." Another girl spoke.

"Oy. It's just a friendly dinner to celebrate." Tay shyly answered their teasing. "Yeah. I'll give it to him after your fan gathering. Please make it short okay?" he once again made a request to allow him more time with you in the evening.

"Won't you be there?"

"Nope, I'm not even supposed to be here."

"Sure, P'Tay," the president of an FC promised. "I'll tell all the FCs not to make it long because of P'New will be going out on a Valentine's date with you."

"It's not a date," he held out his hand to sternly deny the allegations.

"Oy. No need to be shy about it P'Tay." They continued teasing the man who was already blushing.

"Shhh," Tay lifted his index finger to his lips and hushed them. He was glad that the theater was so dark that his blood-red face cannot be seen.

Tay eagerly stayed throughout the entire show to support his best friend. Together with the rest of the fans, he clapped, cheered and even shed a tiny tear when the trailer of the movie was finally shown. He can't help but be extremely proud of how far New's career has come and how he vastly improved his craft.

New was one of the most dedicated artists that Tay knew. He always invested time and money to keep on improving. Sometimes, he even gets too hard on himself but Tay was always there to reassure him that he was doing well and is on the right track.

The show finally ended and people were slowly making their way out of the venue. New's fans quickly took their positions and gathered at the lobby.

Tay, on the other hand, made his way to the basement to wait for New. He was a bit anxious on how everything will unfold. He was jittery and kept on pacing by New's white car.

For over an hour, he walked around, and sat, and checked his phone every so often. Still no sign of New. He thought that he probably got stuck with the fans so he remained as patient as he can. He also didn't want to seem so eager and impatient to message New to come already.

For almost two hours, he waited and waited until he can wait no more. He decided on finally calling him but New wasn't answering. After the sixth missed call, he finally decided to go back up and check on New.

Tay was clearly agitated for having to wait for such a long time. He knew that the meeting with fans couldn't have gone longer than a few minutes especially when they earlier agreed to cut it short.

Tay marched heavily toward the stairway access to the ground floor. He stopped frozen cold on his tracks when he finally saw New.

But he was not alone.

A sudden burst of mixed emotions enveloped Tay. The feelings were difficult to describe and it was overwhelming him. It was so overwhelming that his eyes started leaking in an instant. Tay's tears don't fall too often but he felt like a knife is cutting him deep. He was not made of stone, afterall.

His breathing started to get heavier by the second. His stormed out of the scene not wanting to witness any more of the horror. He ran to the opposite direction to get away from everything.

He called a motor taxi and asked the driver to take him to his apartment. He felt more awful when he was greeted by the surprise he prepared for New.

In his rage, he threw the bouquet of yellow roses against the white sofa. The same white sofa that New sold. The white sofa that made Tay do the unthinkable just to get it back. The same white sofa on which he and New made lots of memories.

He screamed in deep agony.

He was mad at everything. He was mad at New. He was mad because he carefully executed his plans to surprise New, only to be foiled by someone; someone who he hated the most—Kay.

He was mad that New threw all their plans away just for Kay, a man who he just knew for a couple of months.

As much as he wanted to, he couldn't get the picture of what he witnessed out of his mind. New and Kay entangled in a long and tight embrace. He was certain that it was not a friendly hug. What made the sight worse was the bunch of red roses New was holding and Kay's trunk filled with white roses.

Tay slumped at his living room in defeat.

"I'M BAILING OUT. I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU." He messaged New in his frustration.

"EVER." He added.

=


	27. Nervous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/ anxiety

"Thanks for helping me with this, Luke. I could never ask for a better mate than you." Kay said when he and Luke finished loading the trunk of his car with white roses.

Luke has a cousin who owns a flower shop and Kay asked for his best friend for help in preparing his Valentine's day surprise for New. It wasn't an ordinary surprise. Aside from him congratulating the older for his new movie, Kay also decided that it was the perfect timing to final confess to the person he has been secretly admiring for a couple months now.

"You know I'd do anything for you dude, right?" Luke returned the smile to Kay. "You're my best mate." He placed his hand over Kay's shoulder and lightly shook his body giving the man the comfort that he needed.

Kay was pale and was obviously nervous. Although confessing his feelings for someone wasn't new to him, it was still his first time doing it to a guy.

"Yeah I know that." Kay responded timidly.

"Good because even though we're best friends, I would still demand something in return for all this hassle." Luke now put both of his arms on Kay's shoulders to turn the man towards him and gave him a stinky eye.

"Sure. Anything for you, bro." Kay smiled. He thought that for all the help that he got from his best friend, returning the favor was a no-brainer.

"Then treat me to dinner some time." Luke jovially said as he closed the trunk and moved to enter the passenger's seat.

"That's it?" Kay said as he, too, got into his car.

"You mean I could ask for more than just a dinner?" Luke challenged as they both strapped in their seatbelts.

"Ok fine. A dinner it is. Don't go thinking of asking for something else?" Kay rolled his eyes as he revved up his car to head towards the venue for the movie launch.

"What?" Luke raised his left eyebrow at Kay.

"What what?" Kay returned the question.

"I saw you roll your eyes. What did you think I had in mind?"

"Nothing," Kay chuckled. "I just know you are crazy and you might ask for something pricier."

But what was in Luke's mind was something that can't be bought. He wished he could say what he truly wanted. But doing so would break a lot of things, their friendship even.

The ride was silent for the most part with Kay's anxiety over his surprise and Luke's introspect.

"Hey." Luke broke the silence. "Are you really sure about this?" he gave out an awkward smile which Kay returned with a fretful one.

"Absolutely not, bro," he tried to hide it by giving out a light giggle.

"Then why are you doing this?", flatly Luke asked.

Kay took a deep breath to answer a question that he has been getting a lot the past days. "Because I have to take a chance."

His intentions with New was not a secret to his friends. Supportive? Yes, they all were seeing their friend's sincerity, but most of them were worried of the outcome.

"A chance?"

"Yes. A chance." Kay firmly reiterated. "Bro, when you like someone, you have to show it and prove it no matter what."

"What if you get rejected by New? You know about him and..."

"And P'Tay? Yes, the fear of rejection is always there." Kay immediately answered. "But it's the poison that I choose. I'd rather live with the pain of rejection than the suffering of always think about the what-ifs and what-could-have-beens."

Kay was determined and was not keen on backing down even when he knows that his chances are slim. Some might call him out for being stubborn about it but he just calls it as fortitude.

"I'm just worried about you, bro. New and Tay seem very inseparable. Are you sure they are not together?"

"I asked P'Tay a couple of times already and he denied it every time," he explained. "Although I think that he's just actually confused. But New deserves to be happy. If Tay can't man up, then someone else should."

"What if New is straight?" Luke was vehemently trying to talk Kay out of it even though he's starting to sound unsupportive.

"Why do you sound so grossed out by same-sex couples?"

"Of course not!" Luke quickly denied. He didn't realize that how he said it sounded ill. "I just mean, New has had girlfriends in the past right? So, it is very much likely that he's straight." He justified his apprehension.

"Well that's not the barometer for love, Luke." Kay was quick to dismiss which stunned Luke.

"Love." Luke softly snickered in defeat. "What a word. Are you sure that it is love that you feel for him?"

It took a while for Kay to answer. Throwing the "L" word out might have been careless of him.

"I'm not sure yet. Admiration, yes. But that's why I want to date him. I want to get to know him much better than I already do," he responded with so much yearning in his tone. "I want to know every detail of him, how he's like when he just woke up, how he's like when he's hungry, what his flaws are and how I can fill them. Everything."

"Like how I know you?" Luke whispered on his side as he silently stared out the window.

"What was that again?" Kay didn't catch what his best friend was mumbling about.

"I mean like how Tay knows him?" Luke panicked and blurted out a perfect excuse.

"Why do you really have to point that out? And yes, like P'Tay does. Like how he instinctively knows what to do every time without New even have to ask for it." Kay said in annoyance. Though he has long accepted that he will always have to compete and be compared with New's best friend, he doesn't like it when people, especially Luke, rubs it on his face.

"Let's stop this talk, okay? It's only making me more nervous," Kay begged.

"Okay, bro. But just remember I'm just always here for you, bro."

"Bro."

-

"New," Kay's eyes lit up as he finally spotted New going down the stairs after he finished speaking with his fans briefly after the show. Kay stood on both of his jittery legs and kept the bouquet of red roses behind his back.

"Kay. What are you doing here?" New was shocked to see the young man at the venue. He was in a bit of a hurry but he guessed that a few minutes to entertain the guy who was clearly waiting for him won't be too much.

"Uhm. I came here to surprise you," Kay shyly said as he brought out his arms to reveal the bunch of flowers in his hands.

"Kay?" New's manager who was tailing him with the gifts the fans brought him was surprised to see Kay as well.

"P'Yui," Kay politely wai'd.

P'Yui eyed Kay and decided that it was best to give space to both of the talents to talk. "I'll leave you two alone then." She excused herself and headed out to her own car.

"Thank you, P'" Kay nodded.

"What is this all about Kay?" New took the flowers from Kay's hand and examined them.

"Uhm. Happy Valentine's day, New." Kay bashfully smiled and rubbed the back of his head with his right hand.

"Red roses?" New smelled them. He observed the fidgety man in front of him who clearly was wanting to say something. "Kay?"

"I just wanted to tell you that I..." Kay was stuttering. "I-I-I like you New," he finally blurted out.

"Thank you, Kay," was New's candid response. "You've been a great friend to me especially these past few months. But don't you think that these roses are a bit too much?" New was trying to not make the situation any more awkward than it already is. He was already getting the idea on what was about to happen.

"Uhm." Kay said in disappointment in how New responded. He got friend-zoned even before saying anything more. But it was too late to back out now. He needed all the courage he has left to proceed with his plan.

"What I was trying to say is that..." Kay gently grabbed New by his arm and dragged him over to where he parked his car. He positioned New at the back of his car and he opened his trunk to reveal it filled with white roses to the brim. "I like LIKE you."

"I like you more than just a friend New." Kay stared lovingly to the eyes of New.

New was shell-shocked on what was happening. His jaw dropped on the effort that Kay evidently exerted. "K-k-kay. Why?" New stared back into the eyes of Kay.

"Because you are you."

"You make me happy and I care a lot about you. Every time I get to be with you, something inexplicable just boils within me," Kay started to bare it all out. His heart was racing so fast and beating so loud that it can be heard through the silence of the car park.

"It all started when I saw you on that day in a café. All you did was look my way and my heart started to race and my hands started to shake." Kay recounted their first meeting a couple of years back. He was sitting alone in his usual spot reading a book when a man fair skin smiled at him when their eyes met.

Kay felt attraction in an instant. Although that time, he wasn't able to pin his feeling down as he never thought that liking a man would be possible.

Years passed and they got to work together in some small projects. Kay eventually signed up with GMMTV which led to many more meetings with New and ultimately him getting casted in a series with him.

"And ever since, I am not myself when we're together, I talk a little too much, I get a little self-conscious." Kay explained his feelings toward New. "I get a little bit nervous around you. I get a little bit stressed out when I think about you. I get a little excited when I think about you."

He was all smiles thinking of the days the past few months when he got to hang out often with New. He was very thankful for their series because it gave him all the chances to be with the man he secretly likes.

"Kay." New's deep voiced echoed which halted Kay from speaking even more. "I like you too. But..."

Kay's heart sank upon hearing the words that came out from New. He already expected that he would be getting this kind of answer but finally hearing it from New himself still brought him deep pain.

"I know," he regretfully said as he dropped his head when tears started to well up his eyes.

"I can only be your friend." New took a step closer to Kay and tried to catch his eyes.

"Is it because of Tay?" Kay slipped. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sound bitter or something, but..."

New went in for a hug to appease the unmistakably broken-hearted guy. This move shocked Kay but it was also what he needed for the tears to finally flow.

"Kay... I'm really sorry that I can not reciprocate your feelings towards me." New whispered in Kay's ears who was already bawling out.

"I see you as a special friend, Kay. I know that after this, things will be different between you and me. But I can assure you that the New you have known will still be the same New. I will try my hardest not to make things any more difficult for you especially that we will be closely working together for the next few weeks."

"You will find your match, Kay. Trust me"

"You're a great man, Kay. You are very likeable, you're smart, thoughtful, talented, and good-natured. It's not difficult for anyone to like you."

They stayed that way until Kay's shuddering sobs and heavy breathing subsided. As much as New wanted to stay and comfort Kay, there was another man waiting for him that he didn't want to disappoint.

He briefly looked at his watch to see that it was past 7 o'clock already and that they have stayed that way for about half an hour already.

He patted Kay's back and slowly shifted away from the embrace.

"I'm sorry Kay but I really need to go now." New apologetically regarded Kay.

"Hmm." Kay simply nodded refusing to look New in the eye. He still can't bare it as the feeling of hurt was still overwhelming him.

"Will you be alright?"

"Hmm." Kay nodded again. This signaled New to leave.

New frantically got to his car and geared towards the office which was their rendezvous with Tay. He stepped into the gas because knew that was late already. At the first red light, he checked his phone which was on silent mode the entire afternoon.

Among the many notifications, he was looking for anything that came from Tay. And indeed, there were messages for him.

Before he can even open them, the light already turned green and he once again sped through the streets of Bangkok. With one hand still on his phone, he opened Tay's message and read them.

"I'M BAILING OUT. I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU."

"EVER."

His heart sank and he abruptly stepped on the breaks and swerved to the curb.

New was getting confused. He started to shake. His heartbeat and breathing started to get erratic.

New was paralyzed on his seat, his hands and legs were beginning to numb disabling him to drive any longer.

He desperately reached for his bag trying to look for something that might help him. His chest was starting to tighten.

The loud honking cars was not helping the situation. Not having a clear mind, New unbuckled his seatbelt, got out of his car, and started running towards particularly nowhere.

=


	28. When I Was Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/ depression, anxiety, self-harm

"P'Yui. Have you heard from him?", Tay called their manager for the fifth time of the day. It was already the third day after Valentine's day and the second day people have noticed that New had gone missing.

New was supposed to do one last workshop for Waterboyy 2 the day before, but he hasn't shown up. And today was supposed to be the day they will do costume fittings and some photoshoot but New hasn't shown up yet again.

Everyone, especially Yuyui, was alarmed because New was one of the most professional actors in GMMTV—seldom gets late, never absent, and never calls in sick even though he is suffering from some sickness or anything.

And of all people, it was Tay that everyone contacted first to ask about New's whereabouts.

"No, Tay. Have you?", Yuyui asked Tay the same question.

"I've been trying to get to him for three days already, but I still can't get through." Tay's voice was filled with worry and remorse.

Actually, it was not long before Tay realized that what he did was wrong. Less than an hour of replaying the scene he witnessed in his head, he recognized that his reaction was extreme and uncalled for. He was once again overpowered by his selfishness and jealousy that he texted New words that he never meant.

But it was too late. When he tried to call New to take back his words which might have hurt him, his calls just kept going on unanswered.

He tried for countless of times that night until his calls were not connecting anymore. He thought that either New finally turned his phone off or the battery just got drained. Either way, it was not good news for him. He hurt his best friend once again and they are not on speaking terms again.

But matters turned worse when he received a call from P'Yuyui afternoon of the following day asking him if he knew New's whereabouts and informing him that New did not show up at their meeting.

That's when he knew that he has totally messed up. He knows New's tendencies and not showing up to commitments even when having personal problems isn't one of them.

"Do you know what might have happened to him?" Tay got asked again for the nth time.

"No. P'," he flatly replied. He knew that he might be the cause of this but he had no idea where New could be.

He tried to check, though. He called their common friends, even some of New's personal clique outside show business. He went to the places they usually go to and asked around if someone has seen New.

He even went to New's apartment, but the guard didn't notice if New was inside. He tried knocking at New's unit, but it was dead silent.

 _"P'. We got news."_ Tay heard a faint voice from a man on the other side of the call.

"Who's that P'? What news?", he frantically asked Yuyui. "Hello? Hello?"

"Tay. We got news. But it's better if we meet you."

"Okay. I'll be in the office right away."

In a flash, Tay rushed to the office not even minding his unkempt appearance. That was the least of his concerns.

"What is he doing here?" Tay glared at Kay who was inside the meeting room with their manager. After Friday night's events, he was the last person Tay wanted to see.

"Tay, not now, okay? We need all the hands we can, okay?", Yuyui stood up and calmly dragged Tay to sit down. She was already sensing the tension between the two, especially coming from Tay, for a while now. Conflict between these two should be set aside at this time.

"P'Tay. For New, okay?", Kay could only plead from Tay to set aside his apprehensions about him even just for the moment.

Tay knew they were both right. He has in no way have the right to be throwing a fit when he was the cause of all of this. He closed his eyes, heaved a deep sigh before proceeding. "Okay. So, what's the news you were telling me about?"

"The police found New's car abandoned at the side of the highway," Yuyui opened up much to Tay's surprise. Again, it was unusual for New to leave his nong Polar unattended. If there was something New cares so much, it was his car.

"They said that the skid marks on the road is a sign that he abruptly stopped the car," Kay bared. "But everything looks fine. No signs of accident, forced entry, nothing."

"His bag, his phone and everything he brought during the event two days ago are still inside his car. But we can't get any of those since the car isn't registered to us."

"That gets us nowhere." Tay threw his head into his hands in frustration. He massaged his head that was twitching with the three sleepless nights worrying about his best friend.

"Kay, can't you really recall anything from that night? I mean, you were the last one with him." Yui asked Kay.

The events of that night were still fresh in Kay's head that even the pang in his heart was still as hard as it was that night.

"It wasn't how I imagined it would've ended but I still remember every bit of it." Kay said trying his best not to make his voice crack with the tears he was holding back.

"And?" Tay looked at Kay knowing fully well what he was talking about. Although it was not the right time to think about it, the melancholic tone in Kay's voice was giving him the idea that New might have rejected the suitor.

"The last thing he told me was that he was in a hurry, P'. Like he was late for an important appointment or perhaps a Valentine's date." Kay continued with a tone of bitterness. Although New didn't tell him, he had a feeling that it was Tay he was supposed to meet that night.

"Do you know anything about it, Tay?" Yuyui asked the older of the two.

"Uhm. No," he lied.

Their manager lifted her finger and answered her phone. It was P'Tha on the other line. Tay and Kay kept mum as they listened to their conversation.

"Hello. Yes, I'm very sorry for this setback... I know."

"New is very professional and this is the first time that it happened... We don't really know where he is right now."

"We've already filed a missing person report at the police station. We're trying our best to find him, P'."

Yuyui's forehead scrunched up when he spoke back to the boys. "This is trouble. New has a lot of commitments this week. Not to mention that filming is supposed to start in two days. But more importantly, I just want to know that he's safe."

The three just glanced at each other, the look of concern filled their eyes. They discussed shortly their courses of action. "You two call me if anything comes up. News, sightings, anything."

"But keep this as private as possible. Don't take this to social media," she cautioned the two.

"Yes P'." Both guys wai'd as Kay headed out first.

Tay was about to leave as well when he heard P'Yui's phone ring. He stayed, hoping that it could be news about New.

"Hello, Lisa," she softly regarded the caller.

"Actually, that's a bit of a problem. We can't get hold of New either. I was actually hoping that you have an idea on where he could be."

Tay caught his manager's eyes which spelled more worry than it did moments ago. He was puzzled since he never heard of a Lisa that concerns him or New.

His interest heightened with how the manager's voice was softer than usual and with the conversation that followed.

"Two days ago, as well? That's the last time anyone has been in contact with him."

"I know. That's what I'm worried about as well. He's been doing great for the longest time. I saw no signs of him getting uhm, you know what I mean."

Yui was being extra careful with her words which only sparked Tay's suspicions. He felt more nervous than he already was. He became jittery and sat back down to calm his nerves.

"Social media has been quiet, too. I really don't know, Lisa. This is getting me so worried."

"His parents? They don't know anything, yet. Could you call them for me?"

 _"She must be someone close to New for her to know his parents."_ Tay thought.

His manger curiously eyed him before proceeding, "Tay says he doesn't know either."

"Are you sure about this? Okay, I trust you. Okay, I'll keep him here."

Tay was now getting more confused.

_"Why does she know me? Who is she? What does she know? What does she want with me?"_

"Who was that, P'?" Tay asked as soon as Yui dropped the call.

"Someone you should meet." Was the manager's only reply.

"Who?" Tay asked again his senior who was obviously avoiding to make eye contact with him.

"Just. Just stay here, okay? There's not a lot I can say and probably her as well. But..." Her voice was filled with worry and reluctance. She wished she could say more but she just can't.

"What is it, P'?" Tay unintentionally raised his voice. It was because that he was getting extremely anxious with all that has been happening.

"Just. Just stay here, okay? And make some calls. Call New's apartment. Call his other friends. Just..." Her voice finally cracked as tears started welling up her eyes.

"P'?"

"I'm just worried, okay? And you should be as well." She tried to wipe her eyes and calmed herself down. "I'm going to make some calls, too. We must not allow this to get out of hand."

"Yes, P'"

The manager left Tay in the room while Tay heeded with her command and called once again their friends and then finally the administration's office of New's apartment.

"Are you sure about that? Have you checked your CCTV footages?"

"Okay, P'. I'm going to prepare the paper work to have it done. But please tell me if you know something. It's really important."

Tay followed with a call to one of his lawyer friends to ask help on how they can proceed with the request to review the CCTV footages of New's apartment.

"Tay. Doctor Lisa is here to talk to you." Yui said as she reentered the room tagging along a lady.

"You?" Tay was taken aback when a familiar face emerged from the door. He abruptly stood from his seat when he realized who she was.

He remembers so well this face—the woman who he saw New hugging back in Hat Yai; the woman who he suspected to be New's new love interest; the woman he got extremely jealous of that he ran away only to be eventually saved by his best friend.

"D-d-do-doc-t-tor Lisa?" He stammered. "What are you doing here?"

The pretty doctor was surprised with Tay's reaction as well. It was clear to her that it wasn't the first time Tay has seen her. "I believe we haven't met," she said curiously as she politely held out her hand. "But I am Lisa, New's psychologist back in Hat Yai."

Yui motioned for all of them to sit down to continue their conversation. "I am here in Bangkok for some speaking engagements in some universities."

"Psychologist?" Tay gaped at the news not knowing how else to react with such vital information. "New never mentioned about you."

"I see," Doctor Lisa gave a slight smile. "I actually shouldn't be talking to you either."

She was bound by her ethical standards that disallows her to divulge any information about her patients especially without their consent.

"But there's always an exception," she proceeded with caution. "And that is when we have the reason to believe that he could be in danger."

"Danger? What do you mean danger? Is New okay?" Upon hearing that New could be in danger Tay panicked. His heart started racing while ugly thoughts started flooding his mind.

Lisa can read through Tay's actions and immediately tried to calm him down and explain the situation further.

"Tay. This will be a lot to take in but we need your help, okay? And you are also not to disclose this to anyone without New's permission."

"What's she talking about P'? Do you know what this is all about?" Tay turned to Yui who was still also emotional.

She gently nodded before speaking. "Yes, Tay. I am one of only a handful of people who know about this."

Tay's mind started to numb as it can't process any more of the revelations.

"Tay. New has what we call a major depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder."

"What?" Never did it occur to Tay that this was possible. A person as carefree and as smiling as New couldn't have mental disorders. His mind was trying to recollect every encounter he had with New for the past year which would scream depression, but he just can't point out any.

"This is the reason why he took a break, Tay. He's been seeing Dr. Lisa in Hat Yai for some psychotherapy sessions." Yui added as she reached out for Tay's hand who was still dazed.

"And that's not just it." Dr. Lisa expounded on the situation. "He is at risk of self-harm."

"I have noted in some of our sessions that there had been times where thoughts of self-harm have crossed his mind just to cope with overwhelming situations."

"Self-harm?" The guilt in Tay's mind was rapidly intensifying. He felt nauseous realizing that his text message could have led to New inflicting physical pain on himself.

"The ones he made mention was banging his head and scratching his body. But..." Dr. Lisa took a deep breath before proceeding.

"But he also..." she cleared her throat and softly said. "He also mentioned that when the feeling doesn't go away, he sometimes thinks of extreme measures."

Tay's eyes were starting to wet as well. He was not naïve to not know what these extreme measures could mean.

"He was doing great already. His psychiatrist still recommended that he continue his medication and keep some in handy in case of episodes of depression or anxiety. But he's also stubborn and didn't want to."

"Why are you telling me this?" A tear finally fell from Tay's eyes and he started sniffling.

"You are the closest to him, Tay. You're the person he trusts the most. If only you could hear the way he talks about you." Lisa smiled at him.

In her mind, she recalled how most of her sessions with New often revolved around Tay. The love and adoration were apparent in New's voice in each and every way he described their supposed friendship.

"I know you keep a good eye on him. So, let me ask you this, did you notice any change in his disposition lately? Or did you know of anything that might have triggered his depression or anxiety?"

Tay's eyes started to wander around the room as his last text message immediately came to his mind. He knew. He knew he was wrong.

For the past three nights guilt has eaten up Tay. He spent each night staring at the ceiling wishing he could take back his text message and do it all again.

"What is it, Tay?" Lisa looked at Tay with concern.

"What?" Tay mumbled.

"You know I am trained to read people, right?" Lisa revealed. "Please, Tay. We need you. You can be honest with me."

And Tay not being able to take the guilt any longer finally decided to confess. "I might have done something."

"Done what?" Yui gasped.

Tay in deep embarrassment lowered his head and then bared, "That night. I was supposed to surprise him and treat him to a dinner. But I saw him with Kay and I was... I was... I was upset."

Tay ran his hand through his hair and then wiped the tears from his face.

"So, I bailed out on him and texted him that I don't want to see him. Ever."

Yui's jaw dropped in great shock with the things Tay said he did.

"I know it was wrong for me to jump to conclusions and to say that to him and I regret it."

"I did try to call him right away to take back everything that I've said but I can't reach his line. Maybe I was too late already."

"Oh my gosh, Tay." Yui caressed Tay's arm trying to comfort the man who was already huffing.

"I'm sorry." Tay looked straight at Yui's eyes while his tears kept flowing. "I never meant any of this to happen. I didn't even know."

"Okay, now is not the time to loathe on your actions, Tay." Lisa interrupted. "Finding him is our priority."

"Now that we know what could have triggered him, we need to think of his usual response to these types of situations."

"He probably ran away somewhere." Tay suggested.

"That's right. It is his tendency to run but he just doesn't run away for the sake of running," said the doctor.

"What do you mean?"

"He runs away to be alone. New likes solitude. He finds comfort in being by himself," she explained.

"Now, we need to find somewhere he considers his safe spot. Somewhere no one else can see him especially in this state."

Tay's mind started flipping through New's favorite places as the doctor continued describing where New could probably be.

"Somewhere deserted, or somewhere enclosed, even tight maybe. Somewhere..."

"I know where he could be..." Tay suddenly stood up when a fond memory of New crossed his mind.

He rushed to grab his bag and motioned to leave the room.

"Tay..." Yui called out which stopped Tay from his tracks to look back at her. "Call us."

Tay nodded as he proceeded to dash to where Newwiee could be.

_"Hold on, New. I am coming."_

=


	29. Hold On

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW/ depression, anxiety, self-harm

"New. Open up. I know you're in there." Tay banged on New's apartment door for the nth time.

When Dr. Lisa described where New's whereabouts could be, there was only one place that crossed his mind. New does like isolation, and nothing could be more secluded than in the confines of his own abode.

Tay was soaking wet with sweat from all the running he did just to get to New's unit fast. This, of course, caught the attention of one of the building's security guards who trailed after him.

"Nong, you can't really be here unless the homeowner has granted you access." The security guard said in between his heavy breaths. He tried to get a hold of Tay the first time, but he was just much slower than the physically fit and adrenaline-induced Tay.

"P' this is an emergency." Tay pleaded, not bothering to look at the man as he just kept on calling out to his best friend. "And I know you know I've been here a million times already. Please P'"

He was right. The building staff all knew him. He was a regular visitor. So regular that most of them think that he lives in the building as well. The man hesitated to scold Tay any more but if he didn't, it could cost him his job.

"New. New. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. Please." Tay continued banging the door as guilt and panic resonated from his voice.

"Nong. You can't make a scandal here. Other homeowners are going to complain." The guard calmly tried to pacify Tay's disturbance.

"New." Tay just wouldn't stop.

"Nong. Unless you have the keys to this unit, I will have to ask you to leave." This time, he said it sternly as a few people were already alarmed with the noise Tay was making.

"Of course, keys. How dumb could I be?" Tay frantically searched through his bag for the spare keys New have given him. "I have it somewhere here P'"

At first, New was extremely hesitant of giving Tay a set of spare keys to his apartment. He knew that Tay is one who loses stuff easily. It's a high security risk. But Tay kept on insisting that he will never lose something as important as home keys.

Tay wanted a spare just because he spends a lot of time in New's place anyway. But while he has the keys to his best friend's apartment, he never used it and still gave him the courtesy to knock and not just barge in.

Except that one time when he did, and regretfully, he witnessed a completely naked New who just got out of the shower with a towel drying his hair.

Tay felt the bottom of his bag to finally catch the small metal keys clanking to each other. He held them out, kissed them and exclaimed, "Thank you, lady luck for being on my side today."

"Here. P' I got the key." He raised the keys at the guard's face. Seeing that he wasn't convince, he used them to open the door to New's unit. "See? It is for this unit. It's open now."

He let out a smile of relief at the man who returned the smile as well. If Tay had it right, it seemed that the stocky man was actually rooting for him to open the door.

"Su su na, nong!" Tay was surprised when at the encouragement he received from the guard who finally motioned to leave him.

-

_Bang. Bang. Bang._

"New, what the heck are you doing in there? You've been in the bathroom for almost an hour already. I need to take a shower, too." Tay screamed behind the door as he was starting to get impatient with his best friend who was taking his time inside the bathroom.

Tay was already famished and was annoyed thinking at why his best friend is taking too long in the shower. Well, only one thing came to his mind and he thought that it was not the time to do that.

After an afternoon of lazying around the pool in Sri Panwa, Tay and New decided to head back to their suite to prepare for dinner.

New and Tay went on a totally unplanned trip to Phuket on a day when they were both free from work; which coincidentally was Valentine's day. They needed the break, New most especially.

"It's open, Tay. You can come in and take a shower. Let me just stay here." Tay heard a stoic voice from the other side.

He slowly turned the knob to check if it was really open. Indeed, it was.

Tay smirked before pushing the door hard and scream at New. "What the heck, New! How long have you been here? What are you even doing?"

Tay was about to go on full banter when he noticed the blank look on New's face. The younger didn't even bother to bicker at Tay something he usually does.

"Are you crying?" Tay asked and moved closer to the bubbly tub.

Hearing that, New tried his best to inconspicuously wipe the tears forming in his eyes.

"Oh my gosh. You are crying." Tay gasped as he sat on the tub's edge observing his dear friend.

"Just... just leave me here and do your own thing, okay?" New said in between light sniffles.

"Hmm. I'll just go take a shower." Tay simply nodded and walked past the tub to the shower.

Tay knew that this trip was more than just a simple vacation for New. It was his way of getting away from his problems.

At that time, New and his then girlfriend were already having troubles. The relationship had been on the rocks for a few months. New never told Tay the reason but it had always been him who he called when he was feeling down.

And Tay, being the good friend that he is, had always been there for support. So, when New called him one day about wanting to go to Phuket, he never hesitated to say yes.

"And no peeking." Tay tried to make the mood lighter by teasing New while he stripped down to his boxers.

"Pft. As if I'd do that." New rolled his eyes heavily at Tay's accusation. "And haven't I seen it all before?"

"Shut up." Tay's antics backfired again. "You didn't. I was in boxers that one time." He cried as he turned his back and turned the shower on.

After his shower, instead of changing into dry clothes, Tay decided to join New in the tub. New's eyes were closed while his forehead was still scrunched, clearly still thinking about his problems.

Using his phone, Tay snapped a photo of New before he walked over to the side where New's feet were and carefully dipped in the bubble bath.

"Taaay~" New complained when he felt Tay climbing in. The water started overflowing as soon as Tay settled. "What are you doing?"

"Do you mind if I join you here? There's enough space for two persons." Tay softly said while smiling at his best friend.

"I do mind." New spat at Tay. "But you're here anyway. What can I do?"

And that's when Tay was certain that what was bothering New was definitely worse. New didn't even have the energy to argue.

They both stayed silent in the bathroom while their feet and legs were intertwined beneath the bubbly water. New was just staring blankly into nothingness whereas Tay was just looking at him, observing, waiting for the right moment to speak.

"Why the tub?" Tay asked as he gently played with the water with his hands.

New was snapped from his deep thought and answered, "I don't know. I've always considered it as my safe space."

"Safe space huh?" Tay repeated. He now was blowing some bubbles some of it landing on New's head. He tried his best to hold his laugh but a curve still formed at the side of his lips.

New just rolled his eyes at Tay before he replied. "I don't know, it just feels cozy, tight."

"And I would have loved to be ALONE in it." New lightly kicked Tay's feet from under the water.

"Whatever." Tay mocked as he shyly shook his head.

New was still deep in his thoughts when Tay thought of something that might comfort his best friend. But doing it could also turn out to be awkward and dumb. He bit his lower lip and decided to do it anyway.

"Wha-what are you doing, Tay?" New panicked when he saw Tay shift closer to him.

Tay, in a not-so-graceful maneuver, turned around to lean his back against New's torso. He wiggled his way between New's legs and leaned his soaking wet head across New's chest.

"I'm just trying to make it feel cozier. I think you need a bit more." Tay turned his head a bit to look at New who was still confused at what Tay was playing.

"Taaay~" New whined as he gently tried to throw Tay's body off him. But Tay only grabbed both of New's arms to wrap them around his body.

"Shhh. Just shut up."

"What? Tay. Get off. You're invading my personal space. Agh." New was still struggling to get out of their position but Tay's grip was strong and unbreakable.

Amidst all the wriggling bodies and the water splashing, Tay managed to keep New's arms around him and gently caressed them until the latter finally gave up and allowed Tay to have his way.

Once their breathing went back to normal, Tay said some things that New would forever keep with him.

"I'm here for you, New. I know you're going through a lot these days. But I'm here for you."

"Tay."

"Ssshhh. I'm not gonna leave you, New. I promise. Not now, not ever."

"We can even just stay here as long as you want."

And those sincere words earned a smile and a happy tear from New. He was glad that he had someone like Tay to keep him sane in times of his sadness; someone who has the power to lighten up his heavy heart; someone who promised to stay; someone who could be his permanent.

They stayed silent and still in the warmth of the bath, cuddling; not having to care about anything else in the world but just the two of them and their bond that was forged stronger in that very strange yet special moment.

"Wait. Gun is calling. We have to answer it." Tay grabbed his phone by the edge of the tub to see that their friend Gun was about to videocall them.

"Right now?" New wailed a bit uncomfortable at Tay's decision to answer.

"Yes. I want to see the look on his face when he sees us this way." Tay just playfully said as he swiped his finger across his screen to start the video call.

-

"New?" Tay closed the door behind him and called out to his best friend. There was no response. He first checked every corner of the one-bedroom apartment. Seeing no sign of him anywhere, he proceeded to the bathroom.

He tried to turn the knob but it was locked. "I know you're in there. Please open up." Tay loudly knocked at the door. But still there was no response.

"I'm sorry, New. I didn't mean what I said." He cried pleading to his best friend to let him in. "Please open up."

Yet again, there was no response from inside of the bathroom. Tay pressed his ear on the door. The bathroom was silent except for the sound of the shower. This made him worry even more.

Tay started violently banging the door and turning the knob. "New? New. NEW."

He stepped back and forcefully kicked the door open.

And then he saw New inside the bath tub, water bursting on his fully-clothed body—the same set of clothes the night Tay last saw him.

Tay rushed to New's side and shook his limp body. His eyes were wide open but he was not responding to anything that Tay was doing. He was simply staring blankly into space while his body was shaking uncontrollably probably from being cold for days.

"Oh my gosh. New. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Tay grabbed New's body into a tight embrace. A hundred sorrys were said in between Tay's shuddering sobs.

Tay cupped New's cheeks in his hands trying to get the man's eyes to meet his. He can't help but feel awful as he saw the large dark circles beneath his eyes, and his lips that were already as pale as his skin. He checked on New's forehead and he was fuming hot.

"We need to get you out of here." Tay turned off the shower and grabbed New's trembling arms to carry him out of the tub. It took so much time and effort because it was difficult to lift a lifeless body out of a tight and slippery bathtub.

When Tay finally managed to bring New to his bed, he immediately dialed P'Yui's number. He put in on loud speaker and hustled to put on thick dry clothes on New and cover him up with layers of dry towels and blankets.

"Hello P'" Tay said as soon as his call got through. "I found him at his apartment. He's awake but he's unresponsive. I don't know what to do."

"We'll rush there, Tay. And we'll call an ambulance right away." P'Yui said on the other line.

As Tay was trying to grab everything that he can to keep New warm, he accidentally kicked an empty medicine bottle.

"Oh my gosh." Tay dropped down to his knees, horrified at the thought the crossed his mind.

He slowly crawled over to New's side and reached for his wrinkly and trembling hands. "New." He cried. "Please hold on. I still need you." He clasped New's hands by both of his kissing them every second.

Tay's eyes became a waterfall as he kept pleading for his best friend to hold on. "I'm here for you. I'm not gonna leave you. I promise. Just hold on."

-

"Lisa, how is he? Is he going to be alright?" Tay immediately stood up when Lisa and another doctor approached him and Yui.

Doctor Lisa managed to conjure a smile despite the obvious worry in her eyes. "This is Doctor Ken. He'll explain to you New's condition." She introduced the older doctor to whom Tay politely wai'd.

"We ran a couple tests on the patient and we ruled out drug overdose, so that is a good thing."

A huge sigh of relief was heard from both Tay and Yui. Tears once again escaped Tay's eyes upon learning that his best friend did not try to take away his own life.

"But we still need to run a couple more tests on him to know the extent of his episode. You said he could be in this state for three days probably without medication and food intake. Aside from the physical damage, it could also have an effect on his brain." The doctor tried to explain New's situation.

"Otherwise, he just needs some rest to recover physically."

"And I suggest that he goes back to some therapy sessions. This must have been traumatizing for him." Dr. Lisa added.

"How long will it take for him to recover, doctor?" Yui asked Ken.

"Physically, if he gets proper nutrition, he'll be fine in no time. Two days tops. He is reacting well to the medication we administered to him," he replied.

"But mentally, we can't tell." Lisa said. "It is really up to him."

"And I understand that he lives alone here in Bangkok. We might need someone to look closely after him even for just a couple days or weeks," she further suggested.

"I can do that," Tay volunteered without hesitation.

"I suggest not, Tay," Yui was quick to dismiss thinking that his presence might be bad for New. "And you have a busy schedule, too. We can't add more to the domino effect of this to our works."

Tay only switched his pleading look between his manager and Lisa, hoping one of them would yield to his request.

"Excuse me, I have to make some calls," Yui said. Dr. Ken also left Tay and Lisa to their own.

Tay and Lisa sat side by side at a hospital bench right outside New's private suite room.

"This is all my fault." Tay broke the deafening silence that enveloped them for a few minutes. He crouched in despair as he covered his face with both of his hands, his elbows still resting on his legs.

"And what are you going to do about it?" Lisa calmly asked the frustrated man bawling beside her.

"What do you mean?" Tay turned his head at the doctor.

"Let me be honest to you, Tay." Lisa shifted her body to face Tay. "Not as a doctor, but as New's friend and family."

"Family?" Tay sat straight and raised his eyebrows at what Lisa told him.

"Yes. We're distant cousins," she simply shrugged.

"I think you need to go on some counseling sessions as well." Lisa joked to make the situation lighter.

"What? You think I'm sick?" Tay actually believed the psychologist that something is wrong with his mind, too.

Lisa chuckled and shook her head in amusement of the man's gullibility. "I'm just saying that you have some issues on your own and you have a lot of things to figure out about yourself." She spoke honestly on her thoughts about Tay's recent actions.

Tay took his eyes away from the lady and stared shifted his gaze to the floor.

"And based on your reaction, I'm pretty sure I'm not the first one who told this," she added.

She proceeded to pat Tay on his back to comfort him. "Don't worry, Tay. I don't think you are sick—just plainly, uhm how do I say this?"

"Stupid?" Tay suggested giving out a light snicker. Stupid was how his friends usually tease him. He never really bothered about it believing that they were all just for gags. But this time, he thought that they might be right all along.

"I would have said naïve, or dense. But stupid is a fair description." Lisa responded. "And again, I'm saying this as New's friend not as a doctor." She said clarifying that her words at the moment weren't objective assessments of Tay.

"You can help with his recovery, you know. But I don't want you to do it because you feel guilty for causing this. It would be best if you're there because you sincerely care for him."

Tay intently listened and evaluated his motives on being there. Yes, he was deeply shrouded with guilt, but that is because he sincerely cared for Newwiee. He was supposed to be the one protecting him, not hurting him.

His actions as of late say otherwise, but deep inside, he knew he cherished his best friend.

"He needs all the emotional support he can get from the people he trusts. And you're the one he trusts the most."

"Just a bit of caution though—never ever say anything, or promise anything that you don't mean and can't stand for."

Tay was puzzled at the doctor's warning. She was quick to spot his confusion and simply reassured him. "You'll get what I mean—sooner or later."

And that kept Tay thinking.

=


	30. If I Could Turn Back Time

"Hello?" Tay curiously greeted an old woman who came to open the door.

It was the day after New got discharged from the hospital and Tay decided to come over and pay a visit. But instead of his best friend answering the doorbell. It was an unfamiliar woman who looked like she was in her late 50s.

"Oy nong Tay. What can I do for you today?" The woman warmly greeted Tay with a wide smile and squinted eyes.

"Ahh. I'm here for New? And I'm sorry, I'm not sure we've met." Tay gave a dry smile because was confused as to who the woman was and why she knows him.

"Oh." She lightly tapped Tay's shoulders and giggled upon the realization that she hasn't introduced herself yet.

"Nan? Who is it?" A sleepy voice called out from inside the apartment. Tay was certain that it was New.

"It's just a delivery guy, nong. I'll be back in a moment." Nan screamed back.

"Uhm. Okay." New groaned.

Nan stepped out and gently shut the door behind her. She looked at Tay who was trying to peek inside but was upset when she closed the door.

"My name's Aom," she held out her hand after she wiped it dry form her sweat on her apron. "I've been New's nanny since he was a kid, well just until he went for college," she explained.

"Oh, nice to meet you P'Aom." Tay shook the woman's hand after he politely wai'd at her.

"No need to be so formal nong Tay. You can call me Nan as New does."

"How did you know who..."

"Oh silly." She once again laughed and tapped Tay's shoulder. "I know a lot about you. You're famous. You're all over social media. And you're my baby's "best friend". So yeah, I know A LOT about you."

She looked so excited to meet someone who she has been only hearing about in social media or through New's stories.

"I'm so sorry Nan. New never mentioned anything about you."

"Well he hardly talks about anyone to me either. Well except for you of course. He can go on for hours talking about you, my dear."

Tay blushed with Nan's words. He felt a familiar warmth with her as he did with most elderly people. She was a jolly person who has a contagious laugh and a body that shudders with every giggle. Nan looked strong for her age. Age lines and sagging skin were evident throughout her face and body, but her movements are still very agile.

"May I please see him?" Tay smiled back at the woman who was still laughing just until he asked.

"I'm sorry nong, but you may not." She sternly said as the laughter died down immediately.

"Huh? Why?" The disappointment in Tay's tone and face was clear.

"Look nong, I'm not trying to be the antagonist here or anything." Nan dearly stroked Tay's forearms. "In fact, I am rooting for you."

"But he is still unstable, you see. Dr. Lisa came over and said that we do not know yet how he would react when he sees you. It might trigger something." She regarded Tay with worry both for New's condition and at how Tay was trying to smile despite his disappointment.

"Let's take this little by little, okay?" She sweetly smiled at Tay trying to console him.

"Hmm. I understand, Nan." Tay nodded and forced out a smile.

Nan tapped his shoulders and noticed the plastic bags he was holding.

"I see you came with food." She nodded at them.

"Yeah. Just some of New's favorites." Tay held out take outs some of New's favorite brunch food—waffles, and hot chocolate and some fresh fruits.

"He's a bit hungry. He hasn't eaten anything, yet. I'm sure he'd love these." Nan took them from Tay's hand and inspected them.

Tay's fumbling with his feet didn't escape Nan. He clearly was bothered by something, perhaps New's condition.

"Don't worry, nong. He'll be alright. He's such a strong man. He went through a lot since he was young. I've been there. I've seen them all. I'm sure he will get through this one as well." Nan softly stroked Tay's right arm trying to give him reassurance that his best friend will get through this phase.

But apart from worry, Tay was also filled with guilt with how his actions affected New. He thought that if hadn't been hasty in making assumptions and impulsively vented out on New, none of this tragedy would have happened.

"If I could turn back time, Nan. If I could find a way, I'd take back those words that hurt New." Tay bared as he began to sniffle. He quickly wiped the tears that started to form in his eyes. "I don't know why I did the things I did. I don't know why I said the things I said."

"Shhh. Stop it Tay." Nan hushed him. The look of remorse didn't escape Nan. "And I don't blame you," she continued as she lifted Tay's chin so his eyes met hers. "Although, I don't know what really happened or why they are forbidding you to see him, I have a strong sense that you never meant to hurt him."

Tay silently smiled in comfort at how New's nanny was being very compassionate to him. It put him at ease him a bit.

"Uhm Nan. Can I get your number?" Tay politely asked as he held out his phone to Nan. "You know just in case New needs something. I can always help."

"I know what you really want, nong." Nan rolled her eyes and gladly took Tay's phone to input her number. "I'll keep you updated." She gently tapped Tay's shoulder.

"Thank you so much." Tay wai'd and motioned to leave. But after just two steps, he pivoted and rushed to Nan to ask for another favor.

"Can I ask for one more thing?"

"Yeah sure. What is it?"

"Can I bring him brunch every day?" Tay beamed at the old lady.

"That would be too much, nong." She brushed her off.

"Even if it takes a while. I'll wait right here until I see that smile of his again."

"Please, Nan. It's the least I can do." Tay tried his best to do some puppy eyes at the old woman. That trick used to work when he does that to his grandmother.

But not for Nan. "He might be suspicious why I won't cook for him in the morning," she explained.

"He won't." Tay kept a straight face at her.

Nan chuckled at Tay but still decided against Tay's suggestion. "He's a bright person, nong. Even I can't keep secrets from him."

"Please?"

"Fine," she finally yielded. Tay, like a kid, twirled around in happiness then briefly embraced Nan.

"But only every other day," she said as soon as their hug broke off.

"What?" Tay protested and his face immediately turned sour.

"Take it or leave it."

"Okay." Tay stomped his feet as he started walking away from New's apartment. But just a few steps away, and just before Nan could close the door, he pivoted and smiled again at her.

"Then, it's dinner on the other days. Okay, buh-bye, Nan. I need to go." Tay cleverly responded as he waved Nan goodbye.

Nan could only laugh at his persistence. She was glad that New had someone like Tay in his life.

She closed the door behind her to find New in the kitchen drinking water.

"Who was that, Nan?" he curiously asked the woman who approached him.

"Just a delivery guy. I tried ordering food using this app I just downloaded to check if it really works. And here it is."

"What did you get?" New gently grabbed the bags and inspected their contents.

"Uhm. Some fruits, waffles and hot chocolate."

Nan could only silently smile at how New's eyes lit up with all his favorite food.

"Wait, you can order fresh fruits online?" New raised his brows at his beloved nanny.

"Uhm. I just had the driver drop by some for me. I just gave him a generous tip," she tried making an excuse. It was a good thing that New wasn't really paying much attention as he was happily munching his waffles already.

-

"Nong Tay," Tay heard the woman on the other side of the line.

"Hello Nan."

"Where are you?" Tay suddenly felt cold air rushing when he heard panic in the woman's voice.

"I just bought breakfast for New then I'll get back to my apartment before I head out. Is anything wrong?", he asked as his pace started getting faster.

"It's New," a shriveled squeak was heard from Nan. Upon hearing this, the tiny hairs on Tay's body all stood up as he was filled with utmost horror.

"What happened?" At this point, Tay was already practically running to his apartment.

"He's gone."

"What?" Tay yelped so loudly that by-standers turned their heads toward him. Paranoia was now making his heart race so fast. He was worried sick of what could have happened to his best friend.

"He was out early. I thought it would just be for his daily jog but then I noticed that his car keys aren't here. I checked with the guards and they confirmed that he did go out." Nan, in a single breath, reported to Tay.

"Have you tried calling him?"

"He left his phone here," Nan replied which only made Tay worry more. The last time New had an episode, it took them three days to find him because they could not contact him.

"How about P'Yui?"

"I already did. She doesn't know where he is either."

"Okay, I'll make some calls as well. Keep me posted, please?" Tay pleaded as they both agreed to report to each other any update about New.

Tay was already harassing the elevator button when he got to his building. He was jittery all over as he ruffled his hair in extreme terror, already thinking of where New could be or what he could be doing at the moment.

He couldn't help but think od the worst especially after Dr. Lisa's words came to mind.

The loud ding snapped him from his imaginations and he ran hurriedly to his unit.

As soon as he turned the corner, he saw a familiar figure sitting by his door all curled up on the floor. He immediately dropped the bags he was carrying, slid to his knees and grabbed the man who was crying heavily.

He hugged New tightly and felt the younger's body trembling from all the crying. He himself was enveloped with so much emotions that his eyes began to water as well.

"New. Oh my gosh." He took New's face in his hands and tried to wipe away all the tears. He lifted his face so they can see each other eye to eye.

"T-t-t-tay..." New was shuddering and couldn't speak straight between his heavy sobs.

Tay's heart felt heavier seeing the condition New was at. He lifted his right hand to clear away New's face from his own tears and snot.

"D-d-do y-you hate me?"

=


	31. Scared to Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw/ anxiety, self-harm

"He's asleep Nan. He must be exhausted from crying so much," Tay informed the concerned Nan over the phone as he sat on his bed across where New was sleeping soundly.

"I'm just glad he's safe," a huge sigh of relief was heard through the phone. "Please take care of him, Tay."

"Don't worry Nan. I will," he reassured. "I'll bring him home safely this evening."

A light chuckle escaped from Nan. "How? You don't even know how to drive." A fact she knows since New often confides to her especially about his _best friend_.

Tay smiled at the lady's remark. Despite the trouble they faced, Nan's disposition comforted him somehow, "Nan. Stop teasing."

"I'm just saying. Everyone knows you can't drive," she continued.

"I can. I just don't usually do it," Tay retorted although he himself is not confident about his driving.

"Well why would you need to when you have a personal Grab driver, right?" Nan was unrelenting. "Don't mind it, Tay. Let him rest. He can stay at your place for the night," she consented.

"Really Nan?" Tay, like a kid, lit up with the thought of having a sleepover—something they haven't done in a long time now.

"Why do you sound so happy, eh?"

"Uh. I mean," Tay cleared his throat and changed his tone to hide his excitement. "Yeah. He can stay if he wants to." He tried to sound nonchalant however unsuccessful.

"Tay."

"I know, Nan. I'll do everything to make him feel better," he gave his assurance. There was no debate about it. His mind was set to taking care of New especially upon knowing of his condition a few days ago. A part of it was regret and guilt but mostly it was because of a feeling he does not understand yet.

"I know, Tay. But by doing everything, make sure all you'll do is out of sincerity," he heard a familiar warning. He recalled how Dr. Lisa reminded him of a somewhat similar thing. "Call me if you need help. I'll make sure to inform everyone else about New's situation and whereabouts."

"Okay, thank you, Nan," Tay sincerely said as both dropped the call.

Tay proceeded to squat on the floor by New's side observing intently his face. He brushed the fringes of his hair that were already long enough to cover his eyebrows. New was once again sporting his Apo hairstyle in Waterboyy.

He continued to gaze at the younger until his face started to tense and twitch.

"No. Don't leave me please. Don't." New was squealing in pain, still asleep. "Mae, Por. Please."

Tay rose on to his knees and caressed New's shoulders in attempt to soothe him. "Shhh. Hinny, I'm here," he whispered to New who was still agitated. "Shhh. You're safe with me."

"No. No." New was uncontrollably shaking his head while his hands were clenched on the bed sheets. Tears were starting to flow from the side of his closed eyes.

Tay in one swift move climbed on to the bed by Newwiee's side. He lifted New's torso and hugged him compassionately. "New, it's me, Tay. It's just a dream. No one's gonna leave you."

Flashbacks of New's stories about his family came to Tay's mind. He remembered how his _nong_ usually kept quiet whenever the topic of family was brought up.

It was rooted in New's hot-and-cold relationship with his parents. Although New never admitted that they had a strained relationship, he felt very alone at home since he was a kid.

His earliest memory of his parents was always the one when they left him at a very young age of five for a six-months long business trip. They were living a simpler and happier lifestyle then, but his parents wanted to improve their state of life for their family's future.

Young New's naivety had thought that when they would return, they will all be back to their happy relationship. But he was wrong. Because of the growing family business, his parents were usually busy and gave him very little attention. And the little attention he got was usually for scolding him whenever he did something wrong.

Although they started living more comfortably with their improving economic conditions, New's need for parental warmth and love was never fulfilled.

This very early memory had scarred him for life.

"I'm not gonna leave you, Hin. Shhh." Tay continued to rock New like a kid as he enveloped him in his warm embrace. He did this until the trembling stopped and his face relaxed once again.

-

It was already around three in the afternoon when New woke up. "Taaay," was the first thing that New said to the sight of his best friend. At first, he was confused as to why he was cuddled up to him, so he propped himself up against the bed's headboard.

Tay reached to his side table for New's meds he got from Dr. Lisa who dropped by earlier noon while New was asleep. "Here. Take this. It'll make you feel better." He reached out with a glass of water as he smiled softly.

New's face suddenly exhibited panic as his eyes averted Tay's. "Y-y-you know?", he stuttered.

"Uhm... I just knew a few days ago when..." Tay calmly said. "...when we were looking for you." He was careful about his choice of words hoping not to trigger anxiety.

But it was in vain. New was clearly starting to get uneasy as he still could not make eye contact with the older. He started pulling his hairs and his body started trembling again.

"It's okay, New. I don't see you any less of a person because of it," Tay tried.

"No. You don't know that," New raised his voice, "You're just saying that to appease me."

Tay quickly placed the pill and the glass of water back to try and pacify New by getting a hold of his arms.

"You hate me. You're lying. You're mad at me. You hate me." New kept on repeating while he tried to flail and free himself from Tay.

"No, New. Please stop. I am telling the truth. I don't hate you." It became a push and pull not only physically but also verbally. It was a contest of whose perspective of the truth will prevail.

New, with his clouded mind, was convinced that Tay hates him. It became a full-blown anxiety attack now. And no matter how Tay convinced him otherwise, his mind was already numbed from reality. "You do. And you'll leave me, too. Just like everyone else." New finally managed to push Tay away from him.

New ran away and crouched on the floor by tight corner beside Tay's couch. Tay ran after him and responded, "No New. I will never leave you."

"You're lying!"

 _I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU. EVER._ The text message on Valentine's day resonated both on their minds again – New filled with fear, Tay with remorse.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said that night," Tay said as he was also already in tears. He knelt in front of New who was heavily breathing.

"You did."

"That's not true, New. Please believe me." Tay's pleading voice filled the entire room.

"You hate me. You hate me." On and on, New continued as he went on grabbing his hair and slapping his forehead repeatedly.

"New, stop." Tay with all his brute strength got hold of New's swinging arms to keep him from hurting himself physically. New tried to break free once again but this time Tay locked their fingers together for a tighter grip.

"You hated me...," New finally looked at the man in front of him in the eye. He hesitated before he continued, "...ever since I sent that girl a stupid letter last year."

Then the flashbacks came to both of them. It was over a year when their fall-off started. Everything was supposed to be going well between them. The YILY concert just ended, New's birthday just passed. They were so happy that New began to panic and did something he thought was necessary to keep Tay. But it ended up the other way around and everything went downhill from then.

"New," was all Tay could say as he realized where the conversation was headed to. Awestruck, his grip on New loosened.

"You haven't forgiven me since. You hated me for it. You still hate me now. You hate me." New was shuddering in between words. His tears kept falling as the man in front of him just went blank.

"No, New. Let's not bring that up again," he emotionlessly said. "We're past that issue already." He uttered but it was actually himself he tried to convince.

"Are we really?" he sobbed. "Because ever since my stupid mistake, you never really saw me the same." His words echoed the entire room as Tay still fell silent.

Tay was overwhelmed with everything. For months, he tried to push this issue aside thinking that it will naturally go away. But being confronted about it at the moment just allowed all those suppressed feelings of pain and anger to resurface.

Yet he was adamant on concealing those again. His only goal was to calm his best friend down and keep him from self-harm. Despite this, Tay wasn't able to keep his own tears from falling.

"New. I did not hate you for that. Sure, I was mad for a moment, but never did I hate you." He was being honest. No matter how angry and hurt he was, New was too precious for him to hate.

"New. Please calm down," he pleaded. Tay snapped back quickly and rushed to fetch New's medication and some water. His first priority as of the moment was New's welfare.

"I'm sorry, Tay. I'm really sorry. Please don't hate me." New's sobs were heard all throughout the apartment as Tay hurriedly came back to him.

"New, I don't hate you. Please calm down." Tay handed the white pill to New. It took a while before the younger's trembling hands reached out and propped it to his mouth.

Tay quickly set the empty glass aside and assisted New to get up and sit on the sofa. Tay knelt in front of him and clasped New's hands between his. He started inhaling deeply hoping that the younger would emulate him. It took a while before New followed Tay's silent instructions to breathe deeply.

"I only did it because I was afraid, Tay." He stopped and confessed to Tay.

"I was afraid of how I was starting to feel for you. Some things were changing, giving me fears running through my head."

A long pause ensued before he continued. "As we grew closer, I was running scared. Things were happening too fast. There were things that I just can't comprehend."

Tay just looked at New with a confused look and allowed him to continue.

"I was afraid that you'll leave me. That you'll leave me just like everyone—my mom and dad, my brother, my girlfriend. They all left me, Tay."

Like a bucket of ice-cold water was dumped to him, Tay started to feel eerie chills rising throughout his body.

"So, I did it. I made it look like I was... like I was in love with another woman because I didn't want us to change. I didn't want to lose you like I lost everyone else."

Tay got up and dropped himself beside New. His eyes were staring blankly into nowhere completely puzzled at what New was getting at.

New was still sobbing but the shudders became lighter. "But because of it, you ended up hating me anyway." A slight snicker escaped from him.

New then turned to the dazed man and grabbed his torso. He dug his head deep into the man's chest as he continued, "I'm sorry, Tay. I'm really sorry. Please don't hate me. Please don't leave me."

Tay just froze still in place still dumbfounded at everything Newwiee was throwing at him.

"I was just so scared to death. I panicked. And now I'm losing you." New's words were muffled through Tay's chest.

"I'm scared to death to live this so lonely life without you. Tay, please don't hate me. Please don't leave me. I'll do anything and everything."

Tay was getting more confused. Nothing about what New was saying made any sense to him.

"I'll suppress every bit of feeling I have for you, just don't leave me. Tay, I beg you. Don't..."

"New," Tay cut him off and finally spoke plainly. "What the hell made you think that I was ever gonna leave you?"

New sat back up, wiped his tears and mustered all the strength left in him to look straight into Tay's eyes.

"Because everyone that I love always leaves."

=


	32. You Give Me Something

_"Because everyone that I love always leaves."_

Tay's entire world suddenly stopped.

_"What is he talking about? Why is he assuming that I'll leave?"_ _  
_

_"Love."_

The word echoed in Tay's mind.

_"Wait did he just use the word 'love'?"_

New, still sobbing, was waiting for a reaction from the deadpanned Tay.

_"Love? What does he mean? And why am I putting so much thought into that word? Shouldn't I be focusing about his idea of me leaving?"_

_"No, I am not leaving him. Not, again."_

_"But... 'love'?"_

_"What the heck is wrong with me? It's just a word, Tay Tawan. He just slipped. Get over it."_

_"But of course, he loves me..."_

_"Just as I love him."_

_"And just as we love our friends."_

_"That's it, right? Yeah, that's it."_

_"But why did it sound so differently? I mean, yes, it's different because he's in a very anxious state. But no, it's a different kind of different."_

_"Everyone he loves leaves? Off didn't. He always says he loves Off. But they haven't really hung out a lot the past year. Was that considered leaving?"_

The room fell silent that the ticking of the clock became loud.

"Tay..." a single drop of tear escaped New's eyes begging for a reaction from Tay.

 _"New. I am here to stay, New. I won't ever leave you,"_ Tay meant to say. 

But his mouth betrayed him and uttered differently, "Love? Me? New what the heck are you talking about?"

New dropped his face to his hands upon finally getting a response, definitely not the one he was hoping for. "Tay. I'm so sorry, Tay. I never meant for it to happen. It just did."

"What do you mean by all of this, New?"

Tay's tone was quite stern that it terrified New. Nevertheless, the benzo already started kicking in that he was already way calmer than he was several minutes ago.

"You heard me right, Tay." New let out a slight smile to himself as he wiped his face clean with the bottom of his shirt. Tay didn't see it either as he kept his gaze straight to nothingness all the while.

"I was in love with you. I AM in love with you."

New's sobs were reduced to sniffles, but his heart was still racing by his own revelations. But the beans have been spilled; there was no point in turning back; and the words that he thought he could never say are coming out anyway.

_"Love"_

The word resonated in Tay's mind as he was in limbo. His breathing got heavier by the minute as his heart pounded hard inside his chest. He was practically paralyzed on the white sofa.

New slowly shifted his body and leaned back on the couch. He clasped his hands together and circled his thumbs around each other. "I don't know when or how it all started, but somewhere along the way I knew something else was going on inside of me."

His words were starting to get filled with pensive sadness when he thought that it's a dead end for them. With how Tay's reaction, or the lack of it, he surmised that his love was unrequited.

"I was only meant to tread the water but then I've gotten in too deep..."

"At first, we both know that it was only for show; it was work... We had to do things, act overly sweet, leave crumbs for the fans, those kind of stuff."

"Then I got comfortable with it; too comfortable that it became my life. And all of a sudden, YOU became my life."

Tay's silence was deafening. He scrunched up his hair when his head started throbbing with absolute confusion. Never in their long years of friendship did he think of New romantically.

"But when I became aware of what I felt, I tried to suppress it, Tay. I swear I tried so damn hard because I was afraid—I was afraid of you leaving me as everyone did."

"For every piece of me that wants you, another piece backs away..." 

"Because you give me something and that makes me... scared."

"I'm sorry, Tay. I really am." New started silently crying again.

The unexpected confession overwhelmed both.

Seconds, minutes, hours have passed, and they just remained silently seated on the opposite sides of the couch. Tension was clearly high but neither of them knew what to do or what to say.

Curiously, the white couch they were on holds a lot of their memories together—both the good and the bad. And now, it was again witness to something which will forever define their friendship.

"New," Tay was first to budge. It was already around 7 in the evening when he finally spoke with a cracked voice.

New heard him but was too wary to look at him.

Tay stood up and continued without looking at his _nong_. "We better get going. Nan should be worried about you right now. Go grab your things, I'll use the bathroom first."

Tay walked sluggishly to the restroom and stopped midway. "Please don't leave without me," he said without turning to New.

He went to the sink and washed his face. He looked at his reflection in the mirror with introspect.

 _"What now Tay Tawan?"_ he thought.

-

"Great work everyone!" the booming voice of the director was heard all over the room. "See you in a couple days. And don't be late, yes, I am looking at you Tay."

Tay apologetically _wai'd_ at P'Aof and the rest of the staff before he left to pack up his things. It was around quarter past five in the afternoon when they finished their week-long workshops for their series. This was also eight days after Tay last saw New.

After New's confession, it was unfortunate that both had to start working on their separate series. They never had a chance to talk to each other again or probably somehow, both were once again evading; save for Tay's regular Line messages to New to check up on how he's doing. Their chats were dry with only very few and very short messages far in between.

"You've been oddly quiet these past few days, Tay," Joss commented as he went to pack his things as well.

"Uhm. Just been thinking about some... things," Tay downplayed the young man's observation. It has been that way for the entire week of their workshops. Although Tay still actively engaged in the activities, during breaks and after their sessions, he's been so aloof as a lot of things were running through his head.

"Some old ones? Or the _'New'_ ones?" Joss teased.

"Cut it, Joss," Tay softly complained. "I'm not in the mood for some jokes right now." His slight annoyance did not escape his partner.

"Chill out bro," Joss calmly put his arm around Tay's shoulder. "And I'm sorry for bringing it up." He tapped the older's chest.

"Uhm." Tay nodded gently in reply. "It's nothing." He heaved a deep sigh. "Just been so stressed out lately."

"Is it about Kay again?", Joss asked as went back to packing his things.

"What about him?" Tay tried to dismiss.

"C'mon. You know that Kay and I are buddies, right?"

"And what about it?", he continued. Actually, Kay was the least of his concerns at that moment. He was simply curious on what the younger had to say about him.

"Well he has told me _things_."

"What 'things'?" For a moment, Tay got nervous on what Kay could have revealed to Joss. As far as he knows, Kay doesn't know about New's condition. That matter should have not gotten to Joss or to anyone else.

"About him pursuing New." Joss replied but Tay looked unconvinced.

"That's... it?"

"Is there anything else I should know?"

Tay at a loss for other things to divert the conversation to replied, "Ummm... maybe the part that he was rejected?"

Joss gaped at him. Apparently, this was news to him. "That I didn't know," he pointed at Tay. "The last time we really hung out was during the company outing."

Tay was relieved with that information. "And you haven't talked since?"

"Not really. Why?"

"Nothing," Tay shunned, not wanting to divulge anything further.

"Anyway, I'm heading off now. You?" Joss grabbed his bag and threw it around his shoulders.

"You go ahead. I need to go back to the office first." Tay smiled as he bade goodbye to Joss.

Tay was left alone in the studio. He sat in silence for a while as his mind wandered off again. Before deciding to head out, he took out his phone and started typing.

_"Hey New. How are you? Just reminding you to take your medicine."_

Routine. That was it to him. Every morning and every night, Tay always reminds his friend to take his meds; to which New also casually replies in a few words when he's done doing it.

Of course, Tay also had to contact Nan to confirm. It's not that he doesn't trust him, he just wants to be cautious especially that New had already started going out again. He worries that some things might trigger his anxiety.

Waiting for a reply from New, Tay's eyes were locked on his phone screen as he slowly took the elevator to their office.

"Hello P'Tay," a familiar voice interrupted him.

He looked to his left and saw that it was another artist from their company. "Oh, Earth. Hello! Sorry I didn't see you there."

"Yeah." He shyly replied. "How's it going? You look a bit... tired." It was not the first time Tay got that comment for the past week.

"Uh. I just got off from our acting workshops for the series," he explained.

"So, did we." Earth replied with a smile.

"Ah yeah. Right." Due to his absent-mindedness, he almost forgot that Earth should have been with New for their workshops. "When will you start filming again?" he asked.

"Our first shooting day has actually pushed to two weeks from now. I heard there were some hiccups with the production team or something. They didn't really give out that much details." This information was new to Tay. He really hasn't talked with New about anything other than his daily reminders.

The elevator door opened, and both got off at their office's level. "Uhh. You came alone?" Tay finally asked hoping to get a clue on New. It has been the longest that he hasn't gotten a reply from the latter.

"Yeah. Both Kay and P'New were both in a hurry and had to be somewhere. I, on the other hand, need to do some paperwork in the office," Earth explained.

"T-they..." Tay hesitated and clicked his tongue. "...nevermind." He was slightly disappointed at the thought that he was not getting a quick reply because New is with, of all people, Kay.

Tay's frustrated face did not go unnoticed. "Oh no. They had separate appointments if that's what you were gonna ask," Earth quickly added which earned a shy smile from Tay.

"No, no, no, no, no. That's not it." he bashfully denied.

Both went separate ways to attend to their own agenda. After several minutes of still not getting a response, Tay once again sent a message. _"New?"_

Tay busied himself with some work, but he couldn't get his mind off his cellphone. Minutes have passed and he still got nothing. Worried, he finally approached their manager and asked, "Hello P'. Have you heard from New today?"

"I did this morning. Why, is..." P'Yui interrupted herself and suddenly lowered her voice before continuing "...is anything wrong?"

Tay grabbed the nearest chair and sat opposite the manager. He made sure to speak softly as not to be heard by the other people around. "Well he hasn't replied to my text this afternoon. He usually does within 10 minutes or so."

"Maybe he's just driving or something, Tay."

"It's been more an hour since they finished their workshop. He should be home for quite some time now." Tay justified with a tone of concern.

"Ok, let me try calling P'Aom." P'Yui got her phone and proceeded to a corner where no one else can hear her. Tay followed the manager and stood closely. His arms were crossed as his right leg kept fidgeting.

"Hello P'" She finally got through. "Oh, it's nothing. I just wanna check up on you and New."

. . .

P'Yui's back was facing Tay; he couldn't really hear what they were talking about nor see the woman's expressions

. . .

"Don Mueang?" Tay heard P'Yui exclaim. Various thoughts suddenly flooded Tay's mind as he anxiously wiped his sweat amidst the air-conditioned office.

"Oh right, I totally forgot that you're flying out today. Take care na!"

"New's fine, Tay. He's just..." P'Yui turned around to relay the message to Tay but somehow the young man was no longer there. "Tay?" she called for him.

Tay impulsively rushed to the airport upon learning that New was flying out to his hometown again. He recalled what Earth mentioned earlier about their filming getting postponed.

He took a motorcycle taxi and asked the driver to dash to the terminal. He just couldn't allow not talking to New before he will be away again for a while. They had an unfinished business; things couldn't be left hanging anew.

This time, it was not an option for him to prolong it further. However uncertain Tay was about everything, he just had to talk to New. Two weeks is too far away to delay confronting their difficult situation. He tried calling New's number, but he couldn't get through.

Tay raced through a huge airport crowd to get to the counter. "Sorry P' could you please check if the flight to Hat Yai has left," he kindly asked as he kept huffing.

"It's currently boarding, sir," the agent replied with a suspicious look on a clearly frazzled Tay.

"Could you check if there's a Thitipoon Techaapaikhun in the list of passengers?" he pleaded but only to get dismissed right away.

"Sorry, I cannot do that, sir," she was firm on denying.

"Please?" he squealed.

The lady only shook her head. Tay looked around to see some people disappointed at him for cutting in line. Realizing there's nothing more he could do, he resigned. "Uhm. Okay. Thanks anyway."

Tay walked away crushed. He continued dialing, but it is not connecting.

Feeling defeated, Tay headed toward the nearest restroom. There he looked at his teary-eyed reflection. _"I messed up again this time,"_ he thought.

_"Why can't fate be on my side for once? Why should I be always unlucky Tay?"_

Tears started flooding in. He just stood there not sure on what to do. He heard the toilet flushing behind him and immediately washed his face to avoid further embarrassment.

The moment Tay looked up, he saw through the mirror a familiar face emerging from the cubicle.

At once he pivoted and grabbed the unsuspecting man behind him to a tight embrace.

"New."

Evidently shaken by the sudden event, New stuttered. "W-w-what are you doing here?"

=


	33. Friends

"W-w-what are you doing here?" New was shell-shocked to be entangled in a tight embrace with Tay inside the airport restroom.

Tay let out a huge sigh of relief and asked, "What are YOU doing here?" He let go of New to look at his face. New has clearly not been sleeping well as evidenced by the dark circles around his eyes.

"Me?" New was confused on the sudden reversal of the question. "I just sent off Nan to her flight back home," he replied candidly. Still confused at everything happening, he asked again, "What are YOU doing here?"

"You didn't answer my messages." Tay said flatly still with his hands rested on New's shoulders.

"My phone ran out of battery," New uncomfortably slid Tay's hands off him. "What are you doing here?" he asked Tay for the third time softly, evading his piercing gaze.

"Have you taken your medicine already?" Tay continued throwing words out as fast as his heart was racing at that moment.

New slowly walked past Tay to the sink to wash his hands. "Uhm. Not yet. I haven't had dinner, yet. What are you-" New was not able to ask the fourth time as the madman grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the restroom.

"Ok, let's go and have dinner together, then you can take your medicine." Tay's pace was so fast that his grip became a bit tight and painful for New. He towed the young man behind him down the escalator and towards the parking area.

"Tay," New squirmed as he swatted the older's arm. Everything was confusing for him; none of it was making sense. Just eight nights ago, with Tay's silence, he thought it was already over for them. Then the following days, Tay's short messages of checking up on him only got him confused as to where they actually stand; and now, when the cause of his joy and pain unexpectedly showed up, he was even more confused.

Tay looked back at New for a moment and commanded, "Let's go." He continued sprinting to the direction of the parking area.

"Tay," New called out as he tried to keep up with his pace. Tay did not heed to his call and just continued. "Tay," he called again as they finally reached the parking building.

"TAY" This time he yelled to finally get his attention.

"What?" he stopped and turned around.

"You are not answering my question."

"I just said it." Tay snickered. "I came here to tell you to take your medicine. You haven't answered my text, so I came here to remind you." Tay was clearly evading once again. He knew that was not the point of New's question.

"Ok. You can go ahead." New put his right hand on his waist as his other pointed towards the exit.

"Go ahead what?"

"You have given your reminder, now you can now go..." New recited still not able to look at the man in the eye. "...home, or anywhere you need to be, I don't know. You may GO."

"Then give me a ride." Tay replied in a very imposing tone as he stepped closer to New once again reaching for his arm.

"TAY!" New was quick to dodge Tay. "Why are you here?" New has started fuming already. He's getting mad at the fact that Tay was not listening to him again and was acting casual over everything.

"New... I don't know, okay?" Tay saw how New was starting to breathe heavily and panic began to crawl up to him. "I... I... I thought you were going back to Hat Yai again and I can't wait for that long to talk to you."

"Talk about what?" New answered loudly, tears starting to form under his left eye.

"About us," equally hard was Tay's response.

He pivoted once again only to be stopped by New's rage. "WHAT ABOUT 'US'?"

"Please New. Can we not do it here?" He said regretfully calm as he finally spotted the white car five slots away and started walking again.

"Tay, where are you going?" New followed as his emotions were eating him up again.

"TAY!"

"Come on let's go. I'm hungry."

"Are you even listening to me?"

"TAY TAWAN VIHOKRATANA!" He screamed so loud that his voiced echoed all throughout the parking building. Tay stopped in his tracks right when he was in front of New's car. He hasn't heard New this angsty to call him by his full name. He remained faced back trying to recompose himself.

"TELL ME." New continued as the tide of emotions made it difficult for him to talk straight. "You came all the way here to talk and now that we're here, you are avoiding me again? Let's stop with these charades, please." The last word faded out as his voice shriveled behind his shudders.

"I'm tired, Tay. Too tired." New dropped on his knees digging his face onto his hands,

"I can't bear this anymore. If... if you're just gonna ignore me and then act like nothing happened... and then give me false hopes all over again then please stop this. I can't do this anymore, Tay. I beg you. Please."

"Just... just leave me... now..."

Tay paced himself and knelt across New. "New," he spoke very gently still trying to keep his racing heart at bay. "I'm not gonna leave you, okay? I thought I made that clear already."

"CLEAR?" New looked Tay in the eye. "What about all of this is clear, Tay? What is clear with you always walking away and not talking to me?"

"What is clear about these daily mundane messages as if you are worried about me? What is so clear with you evading this messy situation we're both in? Huh?"

Tay's tears began falling as he is caught dumbfounded again.

"You know what, Tay?" New braved himself to stand up and wipe his sniffles. Tay immediately followed. "If anything, what's clear to me is that we can no longer be friends."

"It fucking hurts but honestly, I'd rather bear the pain of losing you than to keep things the way it is right now, Tay. I'm just tired and I don't know how long I can keep this up before I finally lose it. Tay please..."

"You are right, New." Tay snickered as he lowered his head no longer able to bear seeing New in this state.

"We're not..." he heaved a deep sigh. "No, we're not friends."

Both fell silent as an overwhelming feeling started to kick in.

"Friends..." Tay continued speaking deeply. "...don't drive out of their way every damn time just to fetch the other."

"...nor go on secret dinners, buy matching clothes, go on travels alone together, take couple photos, sleep and cuddle on one bed, nor do video calls with each other frequently."

New went mum with the sudden outpour of emotions from Tay.

"Friends..." he let out a light chuckle with fondness in his eyes as he recalls his misfortunes a couple months earlier. "...don't fly all the way to the other's hometown because he misses him, nor get jealous over some other guy lingering around, or even a girl who he thought was the other's new girlfriend."

Tay took a step closer to New and this time, uttered every single word looking deeply into the other's eyes.

"Friends don't cook porridge to care for a sick friend when they don't even know how to cook, nor fix everything the other has broken just to save him from getting reprimanded, nor loan him money just because he forgot to bring his credit card, nor keeps the other in check when he panics every time he loses his passport or anything for that matter."

Tay reached out to New's face, wiping out his tears and gently caressing his face.

"Friends don't make Valentine's plans for each other."

"No, New. We're not friends. Because friends don't treat me like you do."

"Well I know that there's a limit to everything, but my friends won't love me like you."

"Tay?"

Tay rested his arms gently on New's shoulders. "I'm sorry, New, for not realizing these things sooner. We could've avoided everything if only we were honest to ourselves in the first place."

"I was too dense, I guess. Or maybe just like you I was afraid—afraid that it could go all wrong."

His hands slid slowly to join with New's.

"But now I am certain. I am finally certain, that I..."

"I LOVE YOU."

"T-Tay." Those three words lingered with New. Every bit of it sounded so passionate and sincere that it melted his own heart. He couldn't believe it; how a few minutes ago he was ready to give it all up; and now his friend, his best friend, his love, has finally admitted on reciprocating his feelings.

"New, I can't promise that it will be smooth from here on out. Because with my kind of luck, I know tough times will come. It won't always be rainbows and butterflies for us."

"But if there is one thing that I can promise. One single thing that I can guarantee... it's that I will always be here to stick it out with you. I can never leave you, New. I WILL never leave you."

"I will be your permanent."

"Taaay~" New heart fluttered with Tay's promise. He dreamed not of anything else in the world than to have someone to promise him permanence. "I-I-I don't know what to say." He was now overcome with emotions that his entire world turned slow-mo.

"You don't need to."

Tay leaned forward and softly pushed his lips onto New's as his right hand gently reached out to his neck. It was different from all the kisses they have had as actors—it was gentler, softer, full of emotions, and most of all, real.

Their lips interlocked as their faces were both soaked in the tears that were falling from their eyes; but that time, they knew that those tears were not of rage, nor of pain, nor suffering. Those were tears of bliss that they have deprived themselves for so long.

They broke their kiss with their foreheads still leaning against each other. They savored each other's loving gazes for some time until New punched Tay's chest harshly.

"What was that for?" Tay raised his voice in shock.

"Asshole."

"What?"

"Of all places you could bare your feelings, you have chosen the airport parking. Really? Wow! Great choice." New mocked as he looked around the very unromantic scenery they had.

"Well I tried to drag you out of here and go to a nice restaurant, but you started getting whiny and I had -."

New grabbed Tay by the neck and kissed him again.

"Just shut up okay. Let's go I'm hungry." New started walking towards the driver's seat.

"God, I miss your lips," Tay mumbled to himself staring at the back of the man's head.

"What was that?" New turned with a raised eyebrow pretending not to hear what Tay just said.

"I said, I am driving." Tay looked away and stood beside him.

"Really? You think I'd let you?"

"C'mon, New. You know I can. You don't trust me?" Tay crossed his arms, challenging New.

"Not _nong_ Polar. Never." New shook his fingers and opened the door.

"What the heck?" Tay moaned like a kid as he walked over to the other side when New called on to him again.

"Catch." Tay clumsily caught the car keys in mid-air and gawked at New in shock. "Get in before I change my mind."

In no time, Tay ran back to the driver's side. They both got in and buckled their seat belts.

"Now put the keys in the-"

"I know where to put the keys damn it. I know how to operate a car for god's sake." They bickered again before Tay managed to insert the keys.

"Okay." Tay huffed and looked at New dearly. Never in his wildest dreams did he imagine to be driving New's beloved car. But so much more, never did he picture himself to be with New sharing romantic feelings for each other.

"What?" New asked.

"Can I kiss you again?" Tay grinned from ear to ear his hands nervously tapping the steering wheels.

"Tay~"

"It's just that, we've kissed a lot more times as PeteKao and I want TayNew to catch up with the tally."

"What? Hahaha." New could only laugh at Tay's logic at the moment.

"I am rooting for TayNew, okay?"

"You're crazy. Start driving," New dismissed much to the disappointment of Tay.

"New. Just one more time please?"

New started sounding serious though with worry at the back of his mind. "Isn't this a little too much, Tay? Aren't we going too fast?" He said, avoiding Tay's playful glances.

This did not escape Tay and he knew that New was overthinking again. He reached out for the latter's head and tapped it reassuringly.

New smiled back at him feeling at ease with the man's presence only to be met with arrogance. "Seven years ain't too fast New."

"Start the car." New rolled his eyes and glared at Tay.

"Ugh. Fine." Tay got the engine running.

"Let's just take things slow okay?" New pleaded once again.

"Okay." Tay nodded with a smile.

Tay looked at the rearview mirror and slowly stepped on the gas to exit the parking slot. But instead of going reverse, the car moved forward. Good thing that he was quickly able to step on the breaks, else it might have been another disaster.

"GET OUT! I'M DRIVING!"

=


	34. No Definition

"Tay, could you stay the night please?" New pleaded just as Tay motioned to leave after tucking him to bed.

"Is that what you want?" Tay earnestly waited for a positive response.

"If it's okay with you," New replied while hiding his blushing cheeks with the duvet.

Tay gently patted New on the head. "Sure."

"I still keep your stuff at the same place." New nodded to the direction of the rightmost portion of his closet—a designated place where he keeps Tay's belongings. Because of the frequent sleepovers they had in the past, a lot of Tay's clothes accumulated over time that New had to find pace to keep them. Soon enough, Tay already had a spare of everything in New's apartment.

Right after changing into night clothes, Tay climbed on to bed beside New. They both laid on their backs, staring blankly at the ceiling, silent, but at peace. With Tay's unprecedented love confession earlier that night, everything still feels surreal to them, especially to New.

Minutes into their stillness, Tay nervously reached out his right hand to hold New's. And without flinching, the latter just allowed Tay to lock their fingers under the sheets. Tay gently drew circles on New's hand with his thumb trying to give him reassurance that he was there to stay.

"I still can't believe this is real, Tay," New finally broke the silence.

"Me too, New," Tay shifted to his side, facing New. "But we're in this together, okay?"

"Hmmm," New gently smiled to himself before he repositioned his body to face Tay as well.

Tay took New's hand to his lips and looked deeply into the younger's eyes. "And I'll try my very best to keep all your doubts away. No more running New, I promise."

And in the silence of the night with their fingers intertwined, New and Tay dozed off in what could have been their deepest, most peaceful slumber in weeks.

-

"You're acting suspicious, Tay." Gun side-eyed his boyfriend, Off, as he made a remark on Tay who had just arrived at the restaurant they agreed to meet.

"Suspicious? How?" Tay asked as soon as he sat across Off.

"You have an eerie smile on you," Gun squinted his eyes at him.

"And you're unusually early today, _peung_." Off mocked. For months, Tay had been criticized for frequently being late in his appointments both for work and with friends. That day was totally different as he arrived before their agreed time.

"What? Nothing is unusual with being on time," Tay sheepishly dismissed their remarks and took the menu to cover the grin he'd been trying hard to hold back.

"Hey Alice," Gun called to their table the fourth person who had just arrived shortly for their lunch date.

"Sorry. I had to run an errand," Alice found her way to the seat beside Tay. "Did I keep you guys waiting?"

"Not at all. You're just on time. Tay just got here as well," Off replied.

"Oh. So that could really be New's car I saw around the corner. Was he here as well?" Alice innocently asked. With that, Off and Gun gave Tay daggering looks.

"What? Why are you looking at me that way?" Tay acted as if he didn't know what they were talking about.

"Spill," Gun commanded.

"What?" Tay continued to bury himself in the menu card dodging the accusing glances from his friends.

"See, you are acting suspicious," Off said. "There's definitely something you're not telling us."

"I absolutely don't know what you guys are talking about," he continued avoid the badgering.

"You know you're a bad liar, right?" Alice finally caught up with what the other two were implying.

"C'mon, let's order food already. I'm famished." Tay scanned the room for an available server and called out. "Excuse me P'! We're ready to order."

"Pft." All three temporarily resigned and rolled their eyes.

It has been four days since the airport incident. It has also been four days since Tay lived in New's apartment. Tay learned that Nan had to go back to Hat Yai to attend to some important family matters. He then proposed to keep New company since the latter is still recovering from the recent series of episodes he had. It was also fortunate that both of their schedules were still pretty light. Tay had to start shooting in two days while New still had another whole week of break before theirs start. This day however, he had a scheduled photoshoot.

"So, I suppose everything is going well with you and New now." In the middle of their lunch, Off tried to revert to the topic that Tay has been avoiding.

"Now the real question is, how 'well' is it?" Gun teased.

"I really don't know what you are talking about guys." Tay kept himself busy eating to avoid any further questioning. Tay wasn't sure if he was ready to share how things are with New. Actually, they haven't really discussed if they wanted anyone else to know yet.

"You just turned literally beet red right now just with the mention of New's name," Alice said earning laughter from Off and Gun.

Tay on the other hand quickly grabbed his phone to check if he indeed was blushing. At the same time, a notification popped up.

 _"Just got here on set. I won't be able to message you for a while."_ It was from New.

 _"Good. Just message me when you can. Don't make me miss you so much."_ Tay responded while smiling from ear to ear.

"And with just a single text message, we become air again," Gun joked and instantaneously Tay wiped that grin on his face acting as if nothing happened.

"What?" Tay furrowed his eyebrows trying to contain the gushy feeling inside.

"I am genuinely happy for you, Tay." Alice patted his shoulder. "We all are."

"What? Why?"

"Well for starters," Off put his utensils down to speak. "I haven't seen you this happy and relaxed in months. And I should know because we've been seeing each other A LOT."

"Until just a couple days ago. Where have you been this past week?" he added.

"Papi, look. His face literally has 'THAT' kind of glow today."

"Shut up, Gun. I just had a good night's rest." Tay mumbled through his food-filled mouth.

"And papi's right. You've been awfully quiet in social media for days now." Gun continued to pester Tay who was already uneasy.

"That is actually why we wanted to take you out for brunch today. To catch up." Alice spoke. The lunch date was actually her idea. Everyone was starting to worry about Tay because he had curiously been distant as of late.

In fact, the last time any of them had any meaningful conversation with Tay was weeks ago just before Valentine's day. Other than work, Tay has been detached from his friends with all the things that were happening in those weeks.

Tay swallowed hard and candidly replied. "I've been busy with work. That's all."

"What work? Did you forget that we co-star in the series right? I literally know your schedule," Gun taunted again.

"We-we-well. I have other works aside from that," Tay stuttered after getting caught in a lie.

"You're stuttering. And what other works are you talking about? I just wanna confirm with the staffs." Alice took out her phone seemingly dialing for a staff's number.

"Okay. I've been busy with some... things." Tay was out of excuses.

"Some new things?" Off suggested.

"Yeah," Tay was slightly relieved that Off covering up for him only to realize the deceit. "I mean something new like a new kind of work; not Newwiee New but just new new." Tay mumbled like he was saying some sort of tongue twister.

The three had a good hearty laugh at Tay's immediate panic.

"Okay. We get it we're not getting anything from you... for now," Alice gave up with the idea of Tay sharing what was going on. She knew Tay was stubborn and at the time, it seemed like it was already useless to coerce him to talk.

"You should ask New then, papi. He confides with you too, right?" Gun shook Off's arm as he suggested.

"If Tay doesn't really wanna say anything, then I could go ask him. It's not like him to share first, but he's always been honest with me whenever I talk to him."

"Since when? I never knew about this." Tay was puzzled.

"Really? And I thought you're one of the three tigers?" Alice spoke.

"Uhm. I just thought you two are not that kinda close," Tay regarded Off softly. Although Tay was a close friend to both New and Off, he never supposed that New and Off were the kind to talk about deep personal matters.

"My relationship with New may not be as loud or apparent as ours or yours, but it has always been sincere," Off answered Tay's claim. "And if you have forgotten, I just helped save your ass a couple months ago when–"

"Okay I get it," Tay glared at his friend and inconspicuously kicked his foot under the table, afraid that he will divulge the details on what happened with his Hat Yai escapade. No one really knew about that incident apart from them three.

"But really Tay, we hope this time, whatever all of this is, it's for real." Alice gently held Tay's forearm with a sincere wish for her friend.

"Alice is right. It's nice seeing you like this again, _peung_. It's been a while. We missed you."

"Thanks guys, Off, Gun, Alice," Tay smiled at each of them. He recalled how they were there for him throughout his toughest times. They were the ones who comforted him, talked sense into him and even supported his decisions no matter how stupid they thought they were. He never would have gotten through the past year without them.

-

"New. I'm home." Tay called out to a dark apartment as he closed the door behind him. It was their first shooting day and it was also the first time since he moved in that he New was left alone in his unit for the whole day.

"New?" He called out again as he placed on the kitchen counter the bags of food he just bought for them.

Hearing no answer, Tay worriedly searched for New in each of the rooms. "New? Are you here?" He also checked for him in the bathroom, but he was not there as well.

Tay immediately grabbed his phone and texted him.

_"New. I'm home. Where are you?"_

_"Rooftop."_ He got an instant reply.

Feeling that there might be something bothering New, Tay rushed to the rooftop. There he found New sitting on one of the benches, deep in his own thoughts, staring deeply at the sky.

"Hin," Tay interrupted him by lightly smacking his arm.

"Ow. What was that for?" New squealed in shock and because of the slight pain.

"You had me worried," Tay sat beside New and brushed the arm he just hit.

"Huh? Why?"

"I don't want you going missing again," Tay said while he fondly brushed the hair covering New's eyes. "You have to tell me where you are all the time."

"All the time?" New raised his eyebrow.

"Yes." Tay, firmly with his finger pointing at New.

"You're cute," New suddenly flicked Tay on the nose much to the annoyance of the older.

"New. Stop being childish," he said, folding his arms. "I'm being serious right now."

New beamed with a smile brought his face close to Tay's like he was going in for a kiss. "You are cute when you're serious and flustered like this."

Tay gaped in shock. New snickered and leaned back to watch the stars again. "And you are the cutest when you suddenly shut up and blush like this."

"Wha- I... I'm not even blushing," Tay stuttered.

"It may be dark around here, but I can see you bright as day, Tay."

"Hmm." Tay felt hot in his ears. It took he a few seconds to regain composure and then decided to join New in stargazing. "Why are you here anyway?"

"Nothing. Just thinking."

"About what?"

"About a lot of things."

"Like what?" The exchange between them was slow but not entirely calming. It was clear for Tay that something was bothering New again. Tay had known his best friend for so long that he knows that whenever he becomes introspective, there are a million things running through his mind.

New took a huge sigh before hesitantly speaking. "Like 'us'."

A cold silence ensued. After what happened at the airport, they never really had a discussion about the status of their relationship. They were happy, yes, but things were still unclear.

At this time, neither of them was sure of what to say. Both were hesitant for fear that they might not be on the same page. For minutes, they just sat there waiting for the other to speak up first.

"Tay, what are we?" New finally asked.

"What do you mean? Why the sudden question?"

"Honestly, I really don't know, Tay. I'm confused... I am actually quite... scared."

New continued still staring at the night sky. "A lot has happened to us in the past year and then all of a sudden we're... we're like... like this."

Tay leaned forward and brought his arms to his own lap. "I already promised you I won't ever leave you again, New. And I plan to keep that promise."

"Don't you trust me?" He shifted to face New.

"Uhm. It's not that."

"Then what is it?"

New closed his eyes before speaking. "It's that... I can't trust myself."

"New." Tay took New's hands which prompted the latter to sit back up and turn his body towards Tay. They finally looked each other in the eye as the conversation turned deeper.

"C'mon Tay. Be honest with me. Do you even trust me right now?"

"You know about my situation. I am quite unstable. Aren't you afraid that one day I might just snap again and then leave; or worse do... do something unthinka -"

"New." Tay cut him off. "I... I have faith – in you... and in us." Tay gave a warm and reassuring smile as he kept his hands on New.

"You are right. Your fear is valid. And I am frightened, too. I saw how everything affected us both, you especially. And there has not been a day since... since that day I found you in your apartment that I did not think of what worse could happen. It's been haunting me, too, New."

Tay can still vividly recall the image of a lifeless New in the bathtub. He still trembles in fear every time thoughts about that empty medicine bottle come to mind. Thankfully he was wrong that time; but he never discounted that possibility as Dr. Lisa warned him.

"But I gave you my word. I am willing to go on this journey with you, New. I won't let you carry this burden alone as I have done in the past."

"Is this out of pity?" New looked down in doubt again.

"No New." Tay lifted New's chin to look him in the eye again. "This is not about that; it was never about that; nor is it ever about guilt."

"I am now certain that all these, everything I am doing and am willing to do for you, is because I care about you deeply. It's because I love you, New."

"It might have taken me such a long time to finally come to terms with my true feelings for you, but now that I do, I will make sure to show you that you mean the whole world to me."

New was starting to get overwhelmed by Tay's words. His eyes were starting to get moist and the hairs on his arms were starting to rise.

"Do you really mean that, Tay?"

"I do."

"Then, will you be there for me when I suddenly break down?"

"Yes," Tay answered firmly.

"Will you spoil me with desserts just because I asked for them."

"I don't mind you getting fat, as long as you're happy."

"Will you be patient with me on days when I am anxious or moody or needy?"

"Not a question."

"Will you leave me alone when I ask you to?"

"I will give you space. But I will be hanging around to watch over you."

"Will you let me stay in the tub when I want comfort."

"I'll do you one better. I will be in that tub with you and be your comfort."

The first teardrop finally fell from New's eye. He wiped it off his face and continued speaking through his smile and his light sniffles.

"Will you bring me to and fetch me from the airport when I will have my therapy sessions?"

"I would even clear my schedule and join you. Dr. Lisa said I could do that."

"But what if I don't want you there?" He giggled.

"Then I'll wait for you outside."

"Even when it's in Hat Yai?"

"Wherever it is, I will be there." Tay answered New in a straight face. "Hey. Why are you crying again?" It was Tay this time who wiped New's tears.

When New finally stopped tearing up, Tay moved closer and threw his arm around New's shoulder to cradle his head on his chest. He gently caressed New's head as his other hand reached out to hold New's right hand.

"Can we just stay here like this for a moment?" New pleaded.

"We can stay like this forever, New. I wouldn't mind just as long as you're here with me."

They stayed that way in silence in the comfort of each other's presence. New's doubts were finally beginning to fade. Just as the gibbous moon illuminated the sky, the darkness in New's heart now almost disappeared.

This was all he needed—someone he trusts he can count on; someone who acknowledges his weaknesses and is willing to fill them up for him; someone who will stay despite him pushing away; someone who can be his permanent in a world full of uncertainties.

"New. Your stomach is grumbling. We better go down and have dinner already."

"Five more minutes please?" New dug his head deeper into Tay's chest wanting to savor the moment.

"But I brought desserts," he teased which immediately prompted New to sit back up.

"Which one?"

"All the ones you like."

"Really?" his eyes lit up.

"Yeah. I got you brownies, pudding and ice cream."

For a moment, New sported a wide grin only to lean back on Tay. "Uhm. They can wait."

"Who are you and what have you done to my love?"

They both had a chuckle at that.

New took a deep breath and sat back up to face Tay. "Tay. can I have one more request?"

"You can have as many as you want. What is it?"

"Can we...," New hesitated. "Never mind."

New was about to look away again when Tay grabbed his hands. "New, we already promised each other to communicate better, right? Please speak your mind. I don't want you keeping your thoughts to yourself again."

"Um okay. Actually. Uhm. How do I put it?" New was struggling to find the right words. "I don't want to put label to this... whatever we have right now."

"It's not because I'm not certain of you. I know I am. I'm sure I am. It's just that defining it may put more pressure on me or on both of us and..."

"Ssshhh. I get it, New. I understand you. Completely."

New let out a sigh of relief.

"You and I have gone through so much the past year." Tay continued. "Right now, it's not important what our status is. The thing that's clear is you and me. We have each other, that's all that matters."

"We can label it when you're ready to, New. But with or without label, you can hold on to my promise that I will always, always, ALWAYS be here by your side." Tay then planted a chaste kiss on New's forehead.

"Thank you, Tay. I love you."

"I love you, too, New."

Despite having said them a couple times already, those I love yous still made each other's hearts flutter.

"I love desserts more, though," New started teasing, finally getting back to his usual self.

"Oh really? Then how about the one who bought you those desserts," Tay shot back.

"Of course, he's the one I love the most."

"I know, right." Tay smugly nodded his head. He was actually glad that they were bickering on some senseless things again. After a heavy conversation, they both could use some light humor.

"It's good that you know that I love MYSELF."

"What?"

"You used my money, so technically I still bought it."

"No fair. But I'm the one who went to the store to buy them."

"Okay, I love you just a little less than desserts then."

"Really?" Tay challenged as he leaned closer and stared intently at New's naturally pink luscious lips. "But can your desserts do this?" He gently pulled New by the neck until their lips met. New gave in and parted his lips to feel Tay's warmth brushing across his mouth.

They kissed passionately under the night sky. The moon and the stars were witnesses to their promises of love.

"Um," New broke the kiss with a slight giggle and pushed Tay's chest away. "They're still sweeter than that."

"Oh. Are you challenging me?" Tay raised his brows in jest while biting his lower lip.

New just shrugged off his shoulders, stood up, and headed towards the door.

"You are challenging me, huh? Come here you," Tay ran after New and grabbed him by the waist.

"Get away from me," New tried to break free but Tay kept on tickling his sides.

"You're asking for it."

"Tay. Noooo~."

=


	35. I Am Always Gonna Love You

"Tay, we had this conversation for a million times already. Could you please, please, PLEASE just do as we say?" P'Yui scolded Tay for the _stunt_ he pulled the other night.

"This is not fair, okay? It was just a harmless thing. Why am I getting antagonized again?" Tay furrowed.

As part of the WaterBoyy2 series promotions, Kay posted on his Instagram behind-the-scenes photos of him and New in the swimming pool. As expected, the tag #KayNew reached top 10 of the twitter trends within minutes. But what took twitter by storm is Tay's indirect response—a repost of his pool selfie when they were filming Dark Blue Kiss captioned with a smirk emoji.

"Tay. It's just a couple more weeks and then you're free to do whatever you want," P'Yui said in a pleading tone.

Tay left their manager's table without saying another word. "Sorry again, P'. He's just frustrated," New said as he followed Tay with his eyes as the older made his way to the office lounge. He knows that at times like this, it is best to leave Tay alone to collect his thoughts for a few moments.

"You better talk to him, New. It seems that he only listens to you."

"I'll talk to him, P'. I'm sorry again for the hassle," he politely said looking back at P'Yui.

"Look, New. It may not seem like it, but we know this is difficult for Tay. But if he could just behave himself then we will be spared from all this trouble."

It was not the first time Tay was reprimanded for similar actions. Waterboyy2 has been on air for more than two months now. Tay wasn't his usual complicit self with the company's instructions to not post anything that the fans might connect with New. And that would be pretty difficult knowing how Polcas are great in connecting the dots even with the slightest of hints.

"Uhm. I understand your point, P'," New replied apologetically. "Really, I do. But we also can't dictate how Tay feels. And you know him, he often lets his feelings get the better of him."

"I know he's trying. But it's just for three more weeks, New."

New motioned to leave when Tay signaled him to come.

"And don't forget that you have a promo this Saturday with Kay. Earth will be doing something else so it's gonna be just you two this time. Make sure Tay doesn't cause trouble again." The manager reminded him.

"I'm sorry again, P'. I'll go talk to him now" New wai'd as he politely left.

"Thank you, New."

"Tay." New called but was only met with a cold shoulder. "Haven't you cooled down yet?"

"Let's just go home." Tay said as he headed out ahead of New.

Their ride home was in total silence. Tay was still sulking and New just allowed him to be. New only broke the silence when they finally settled in his apartment.

"Could you at least talk to me?"

"You know what hurts me more? It's that you always take their side," Tay was still throwing a fit and sat down on heavily on the couch.

"Tay," New followed and sat beside him.

"I'm sorry but I can't just sit down and do nothing while that Kay is flirting with you."

"It's just fan service. You know how this industry works," New tried to calm Tay down by reassuring him that nothing was going on between Kay and him.

"Really? Don't you see the way he takes care of you even when you're off-cam?" Yes, Tay knows as he's been keeping tabs on Kay. He even goes at every promo activity that they do as long as his schedule allows him to.

"Tay, they're just harmless acts of kindness. Even Earth treats me that way."

"Well I trust, Earth. I know he doesn't have feelings for you. Kay on the other hand, well... he needs to know his boundaries, New. If only..." Tay cut himself off as soon as he realized where the conversation is headed.

"If only what, Tay? Say it." New was not dumb either to not catch what the older was implying.

"Forget it," Tay shrugged it off and stormed to their bedroom leaving New alone.

Tay and New had everything going well between them for the past months despite their busy schedules. Filming for their separate works started and ended just about the same time. Although they were apart on most days, they always made sure to have private time for each other. Tay also kept his promise to accompany New to his therapy sessions no matter how exhausting it was for him to fly in and out at the same day, then have work the following day. When Nan had to permanently move back home to Hat Yai, their sleepovers became more frequent. Tay basically lives with New now.

Their unlabeled relationship was doing great until promotional work for Waterboyy 2 started. Lately, Tay has been easily irked off with every little thing that Kay does with New. At first, his temper was subdued since he also had the promotion of his own series to focus on. But as soon as Tay's series concluded, he had more free time to keep a close eye on New even going on set when they had to do promotional work.

They argued a couple of times with the usual _"I don't like Kay doing this"_ and _"it's just work"_ back-and-forth. But this was the first time that it went as far as someone walking out of their conversation.

New slouched at the sofa keeping his eyes closed, weary of the argument that they just had. He opened his eyes as soon as he felt the older sat beside him and reached out for his hand.

"Hin, I'm so sorry I snapped at you again. I was just frustrated." Tay calmly apologized.

"It's okay, I understand." New shifted his head to lean on Tay's shoulder. "I'm sorry, too, Tay. I know this is rough for you and I am making it even harder."

"Are you still mad at me?" New asked.

"I was not mad at you. I was never mad at you." Tay patted New's head.

"Then can we talk calmly now?"

"Okay."

"Then tell me what you want," New sat back up, folded his feet together on the couch to completely face Tay.

"I just want Kay away from you," Tay did the same and held both of Newwiee's hands in each of his.

"And why is that?"

"Why should there be a reason?"

"Tay, Dr. Lisa always says that we should first recognize our feelings so that we will know how to deal with it."

"Okay fine." Tay sighed and rolled his eyes before admitting. "I am jealous of Kay. Happy?"

"And that is because?"

"It's because he can do things for you publicly where it should be me doing all those."

"I understand." New took a deep breath before and continued. "Again, that's just fan service and besides we do far more than that when it's just the two of us." He said trying to make the conversation lighter.

"But that's also it, Hin. It's just the two of us that knows. Everyone else doesn't."

"Do you really think they still don't know?" New has always been the perceptive one. He may look uncaring at times but he was very observant. Too observant that sometimes it gets to the point that he overthinks other people's actions. "Why do you think that lately no one's been asking us _"what's going on between you two?"_ or _"why are you together again?"_ or _"what are you anyway?"_ ?"

"And how would you answer if they ask?" New fell silent thinking of a response for that. "See?"

"I know, Tay. It's my fault for not putting a label on us."

"Stop. I'm not blaming you." Tay immediately put an end to New's self-deprecating thoughts. "I agreed to it. It was a mutual decision."

"But it's just frustrating at times and it gets to me especially with Kay lurking around."

New bit lower lip as he kept his eyes on Tay. He never told Tay about it, but he finds him attractive every time he sulks. "Can I kiss you?" He blurted out all of a sudden.

"Don't use the kiss card, Hin. I know you know it works to shut me up but it doesn't change anything." Tay can't hide his excitement as he got distracted with New's lips.

"So, you really don't want it?" New leaned in closer.

"Okay fine." Tay rolled his eyes before closing the gap between their lips. The kiss was soft and sweet. It was brief but it gave both of them the assurance that they needed.

"I love you, Tay. Always remember that." New said as he broke their kiss.

"I love you too, Hin." Tay smiled dearly at him.

"And now that we're still on this topic, I have to tell you something. But you have to promise me that you will react calmly."

"I don't like where this is going but okay."

"We have to do some promo again this weekend, and it's only gonna be me and Kay. Earth has other work." New said and waited to get a reaction from Tay. Tay's eyebrows did furrow but he tried his best to keep his cool.

"It will be just a short live interview at the studio. And they asked me to remind you not to be on set so as not to cause any trouble."

"No tweets, no IG stories about anything that might be linked to us," New continued.

"You can wait for me in the office. We will have dinner together afterwards."

"Why does it feel like you are bribing me." Tay mumbled.

"If that is what's gonna make you behave then yes, it's a bribe."

"You're paying," Tay demanded.

"As if I have not been paying for all out meals," New scoffed.

"And I want dessert," Tay plastered a side grin.

"Huh? You don't even like desserts."

"Not that kind of dessert, you know what I mean." He naughtily raised his eyebrows only to be met with a pillow on his face.

"Tay." New felt his entire face flush. He always does when Tay starts talking dirty no matter how many times they've done it already.

"Please stop being jealous with Kay, okay?"

"I'll try."

New planted a kiss on Tay's cheek before he stood up and walk towards his room. "Okay, I'd like my dessert now." His voice echoed from the bedroom.

"We haven't even had dinner yet." Tay scolded the younger for his bad eating habits again. "But well, there's a tub of yogurt in the fridge." He retreated anyway knowing he never wins the dessert argument ever.

"Taaay," New called out grumpily which made Tay twist his head so fast. He felt his jaw drop when he saw a shirtless New by the door. "not that kind of dessert."

-

"Brooo." New gave Joss and Luke bro handshakes upon seeing them in the office.

"Brooo. P'Tay." Luke did likewise to New but only wai'd at Tay.

"Is Kay here yet?" New asked.

"I think he just went in with P' Godji for your live," Luke pointed at the door to the far right where they were set to do the promo.

"Okay, I better get going then. Please watch him for me, bro." New patted Joss' back and handed Tay over to him. He knew that Tay was more comfortable with Joss since they already acted together in two series. Although sociable as well, Luke and Tay haven't really hung out that much.

"Uh, you know I'll do," Joss draped his muscular arms over Tay's shoulders.

"So. You're stuck with us, eh?" Joss teased Tay as soon as New left.

"As if I have a choice?" Tay shot back and rolled his eyes.

"Ouch, that hurts, Tay. It wasn't just long ago since we spent a lot of time together and now, you're treating me this way?", Joss faked cry which earned laughter from the other two.

"I'm just kidding, Joss. What's up? Why are you both here?"

"We should be asking you the same thing but not that we don't know why," Luke grimaced at Tay. They knew so well that the only reason Tay was there because New had to be there too. That was practically his routine for a month now. "Right bro?"

"Well I was called here for some work. It's him you should ask," Joss gave a side-eyed Luke.

"Hm?" Tay was confused on what Joss meant.

"Nothing. I'll leave you two then. They might be looking for me already." Joss left the two alone who were a bit awkward with each other.

"How about you nong Luke? Do you have somewhere else to be too?" Tay was first to break the ice.

"Not really," Luke shyly scratched the back of his head. "I'm just... uh. I'm just here to... do nothing really. You?" He let out an awkward laugh.

"Uh. Actually, me too. Okay, I'll just go and talk to the staff here, then."

"Sure P' Tay. Ahhh. I'll just. Okay I'll just go check who else is here," he said.

Tay went about everywhere talking to different people trying to keep his mind off what could be happening in that room where New and Kay were. He perfectly knew how the company takes fan service seriously. But he promised New that he will not create any trouble that day so no matter how agitated he was, he had to keep his cool and trust New.

Time flew so agonizingly slow for Tay. No matter how tempted he was, he controlled himself not to open social media to avoid seeing any posts about KayNew.

"Tay," the voice he longed for finally called him from the end of the hallway. While walking towards New, he met Kay's eyes who only politely smiled and wai'd at him. Luke was also quick to meet both Kay and New. It seemed that Luke was in a bit of a rush and kept of nudging Kay to leave.

"Well that was odd," Tay told himself as he saw Luke and Kay leaving.

"What was?"

"Um nothing," he was surprised that New caught on what he said. "What is that?" he pointed at a something that New quickly slid into his back pocket.

"Oh! it's just a business card from Joss. His cousin wants some business advice."

Tay suddenly stepped closer and whispered at New's ear. "Do you know how hot you are when you start doing some smart stuff?" Tay gave a raunchy look.

"Tay. Not here please," New immediately pinched Tay's back and started dragging him outside the office.

"Do you still have anything else to do?" Tay asked as soon as they settled in New's car to which the younger only shook his head. "So, can we go grab dessert now? I've been a good boy."

-

Weeks passed and Tay finally got what he was hoping for months—Waterboyy2 ending and New having no more commitments to do promotions for it. It was not easy for him but he found a way to cope with it healthily. He used his time to busy himself in the kitchen and learn how to bake New's favorite desserts. That of course was also a way for him to earn brownie points for the other kind of dessert he wants.

He learned that on Friday nights, he had to be completely off social media to avoid seeing posts about New's series. Fans were quick to notice it and clowned Tay all the more about it.

It was just another early morning in October when Tay received a text from New.

_"I'm gonna be out the whole day today with friends. Meet you for dinner?"_

_"Sure. Who are you with?"_

_"It's just us Joss, Krist, and Luke and Kay."_

Tay paused for a moment to process the information. Oddly enough, he was not upset about Kay being there. Actually, he's been less annoyed with him since that time he did a live with New. He couldn't really pinpoint why. Maybe he just trusted New more, or maybe it was something else.

_"Okay enjoy your day with them, babe. I know you missed hanging out with them."_

_"Thanks, Tay. :). Wear something nice later. We're going somewhere fancy."_

_"Fancy? But anywhere with you is okay with me."_

_"Well, it's my treat anyway (as usual)." "And it's a thank you from me for being very supportive (and behave) these past few weeks." "I'll send you the location later, I won't be able to pick you up. See you at 7?"_

_"Okay, babe. I love you."_

Tay waited for a reply but didn't get any. _"He must be busy with his friends already."_ Tay simply shrugged it off and did not make a big deal out of it.

-

"Welcome to Salathip Khun Tay."He was greeted by a lovely staff upon his arrival at a fancy restaurant in Shangri La Bangkok. "Please follow me." He only responded with a smile and followed the lady who was guiding him. He was glad he wore a proper blue dress shirt for the occasion seeing how everyone else looked.

When he received the location from New, he first tried to dissuade the younger since he knew how pricey the place is. But he never got a reply, so he knew that there was no chance of changing New's mind.

On his way, he made sure to drop by a flower shop and ordered a bouquet of white roses. Since it was a proper date, he thought that he should bring something for the love of his life.

While mazing through the dining area, Tay looked around trying to find where New was seated. "Please wait here for a moment khun Tay." The staff guided him to a vacant seat.

 _"I must have been too early for the reservation,"_ he thought. He checked his Rolex and it was still ten minutes to seven o'clock. Tay couldn't explain why but he was quite edgy the whole day. It's not like it's their first date or something. He just had an inexplicable feeling. He was too anxious that he left earlier than he should just so that he won't mess up what New had planned for their night.

"Right this way khun Tay." The staff showed opened a door which outside the main dining area. Tay paced himself and was baffled with what he saw. "You may make your way to the gazebo, khun Tay."

The path to the wooden gazebo was lined with white flowers tea candles. The gazebo itself was draped with heavy blue and white fabric which lightly swayed with the cool breeze coming from the Chao Praya river. Waiting for him inside was a man also in a blue shirt holding a bouquet of white roses as well. They both chuckled at the thought that they were just about to exchange flowers.

Tay slowly made his way to the private dining set up, never gazing away from the eyes of his lover. As he moved nearer, the watery eyes of New became more apparent.

When he finally entered the gazebo, he was even more surprised by the wonderful set up. The entire area was adorned with more white roses and fairy lights. The sweet scent of the fresh flowers delightfully blended with the smell of the river breeze.

"New. I shouldn't have bothered when you got the roses covered already." Tay blushed as he handed New the roses which he bought earlier.

"Well, these are way more special since they came from you." New received them with his left hand while he handed Tay his bouquet as well. "Here, I got you some flowers, too."

"White roses." Tay sweetly smiled as he recalled what he learned about white roses.

"Why the sudden extravagance, New? It's not like you to suddenly splurge on something." Tay asked as New pulled out the chair for him.

"Well, it's good to do something special every once in a while, especially when it is for someone you love." New squinted as he sat opposite Tay.

"Oy stop making me blush with your words." Tay was seriously red with such sweet lines from New. They both just silently sat down, eyes glues to each other, smiles plastered on their faces. It was not their first dinner date together, but there was something about that particular night that made them both feel giddy and kilig.

New reached out for Tay's left hand across the round table. "Don't you remember what today is?"

"Huh?" The question left Tay confused and a bit nervous. "Did I miss something important?"

"Uhm." New's face suddenly turned more serious. "Well, on this day last year, something happened between us."

"Huh?"

"It was on this day that I did something stupid. It was the day I decided to leave, to let go of our friendship, to give you the freedom I thought you needed and deserved..." the side of New's eyes started to water upon recalling the events that drove a wedge in their relationship.

"New, that's all in the past now." Tay brushed New's hand with his thumb in comfort.

"I know, Tay. But that day would be forever ingrained in my mind as one of my biggest mistakes in my life."

"It took a toll on us, Tay. I hurt us both." New's voice cracked a bit but proceeded. "But I was glad that somehow along the way, fate brought us back in each other's arms. It was a tough journey for us, even tougher with all the things we had to face. We might have taken the long way, but just look at us now still going strong."

"Well, it took you longer to admit your feelings because you're stupid." New tried to joke as he wiped his tears with his left hand.

"And here I thought you were being sweet but you just had to insert some insult." Tay bantered back.

"Tay, today I want to replace this day with a happy memory." New suddenly shifted away from his seat not letting go of Tay's hand, and got down on one knee.

Tay's eyes widened and his mouth gaped when New reached something from his back pocket.

"Tay, you're a light that's always shining and there's a million reasons why I know that I am always going to love you."

Tay had cupped his mouth trying to hide his shock but the teary look on his eyes was a giveaway of his happiness.

"I promise to love you until my dying day. I'll be beside you when you're old and grey. And just like the feelings that I feel right now, I'm never gonna go away."

"I'd be blessed or I'd be cursed for the rest of my life, because I know that I am always going to love you."

New fished out a tiny blue velvet box and opened it to reveal a silver band.

"Babe, I promised you that I will be your boyfriend when I will be ready."

"New? A-are you?" Tay was stuttering, overwhelmed with what was happening.

"But I guess it's just a promise that I have to break."

"But..."Tay's entire body suddenly tensed not understanding what New was trying to say. His eyes kept darting between New's eyes and the ring he was holding.

"Because calling you my boyfriend is long overdue. Instead, Tay Tawan Vihokratana, I want to call you my fiancé."

"You're joking, right?" Tay chuckled. "I mean, we can't legally marry. Not in Thailand at least." Tay started blabbering at a hundred words per minute. His panicked eyes shot everywhere but New's face.

"Tay?"

"And why the hell would you want to skip being boyfriends? What sense-"

"Tay." New cut him off sternly and brought him back to the moment.

Tay finally returned his gaze at hin's face as his own began to soften. "You're really not joking?"

New smiled. Tay smiled. The place was filled with nothing but the sound of their hearts beating loudly in synchrony.

"Yes.I'd be happy to be you're fiancé, New Thitipoom Techaapaikhun."

=


	36. Epilogue

"Babe, I'm home." Tay called out as he dropped his car keys in their key bowl.

"Oh, you're home early." New appeared from the kitchen and greeted him with a kiss.

"We finished our shoot early today."

"Well you're getting better at your craft that's why producers always want to cast you." New said as he slowly walked back to the kitchen to continue washing his baking tools.

"There's actually one thing I need to talk to you about." Tay rested his chin on New's shoulder and gave his husband a back-hug.

"What is it?"

"Well they're asking if you would ever consider doing a comeback."

"A comeback?" New paused for a moment in shock.

"The Oishi execs are sponsoring another OurSkyy and they were hoping that us, old-schoolers, could do some cameos." Tay explained.

New turned off the faucet and they both proceeded sit opposite each other by the granite counter. This was clearly unexpected for New.

"Off-Gun agreed, they will be back in a couple of weeks from their honeymoon. Krist is up for it, and Singto will be returning soon from the US."

"I don't know, babe. It's been almost three years since I quit acting." After their engagement, New decided that it was time for him to leave acting. He finished the remaining year in his contract with GMMTV and then shifted his focus to business ventures which were all doing great.

"C'mon, New. The fans miss you. Although you're not totally out of the scene since you've been taking modelling jobs, they just miss you on screen." Tay was trying to convince New when they heard a cry from the room.

"I'll go get him." Tay immediately stood up.

"No, Tawan. You did not even change clothes yet." New scolded him. "I told you no holding Pete until you've cleaned up. You don't know what bacteria or viruses you're bringing from outside."

New was very protective of their three-year-old son who they adopted when he was still a year old. "You finish up cleaning here then shower then you could hold him."

"Is he asleep?" Tay gently crawled onto bed while a towel was still draped on his head to fry off his hair.

"Yeah."

Tay gently brushed the soft pink cheeks of the tiny kid who was sleeping soundly between him and his husband. It was a big decision for them to adopt a child. They never really thought about it much in the beginning. It just happened.

-

One day they were visiting the foster home they have been supporting for years. While Tay was playing with the kids and giving them gifts, New approached a group of ladies who were trying to calm down a baby who was crying non-stop. "May I try?" He asked and the ladies gently handed the tiny child to him.

To everyone's surprise, the young boy immediately stopped crying and even snuck his sleepy head deeper into New's body. "Good gracious." The ladies were relieved. "He's been crying a lot since he was left here a week ago. We tried everything but he only wailed louder. This is actually the first time we've seen him this calm and accepting of someone else's touch." Tay approached the group and heard everything that was said.

They looked each other in the eye and immediately knew at that moment that they were going to adopt that kid. They went home, talked about it for a short while, and called their lawyers to start the adoption process.

-

"I'll do it, babe." New said.

"Do what?"

"OurSkyy."

"Really?" Tay reacted rather loudly in excitement.

"Shhhh." New hushed him when Pete slightly moved in his sleep.

"Yeah, why not? It's just for a day or two since it's only a cameo. And Pete's been more accustomed to playdates now. He's actually enjoying it especially when Alice's daughter is there."

"Are you sure about this? You could always decline. They would understand." Tay was making sure that New was not forced to agree on it even though he was just egging him a lot earlier.

"Yeah. It would be a treat for our fans as well." New thought that it would be a great gesture to thank the Polcas who have been supporting them all throughout the years even after he quit acting.

"Yeah. They would definitely be excited about it." Tay smiled so wide not trying to hide his delight. "One last time as PeteKao?" he asked.

"Yeah." New replied. "But we will forever be TayNew."

=END=

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU!
> 
> Thank you everyone who supported my first work. It has been a long tough ride. There was a long hiatuses in between some chapters and I failed to deliver on my promises to finish the story quickly. And I am really sorry for that.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed (and struggled at some point) writing this story.
> 
> Thank you for your kind comments and votes. They serve as my motivation especially at times when I was really down and did not want to continue writing.
> 
> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
> 
> Some of you have pointed it out and yes, you are correct. Each chapter is inspired by a song. Even some lines are actually song lyrics. The story in itself is hugely inspired by Ed Sheeran's Friends.
> 
> So as promised, here is a list of songs used in the story:
> 
> 1\. I Love You Goodbye, Celine Dion  
> 2\. Tears Always Win, Alicia Keys  
> 3\. Better in Time, Leana Lewis  
> 4\. Unwell, Matchbox Twenty  
> 5\. River, Charlie Puth  
> 6\. พรุ่งนี้ทุกวัน / Proong Nee Took Wun (Every Tomorrow), Victor Zheng (Waterboyy OST)  
> 7\. Jealous, Nick Jonas  
> 8\. To Know Him is to Love Him, Amy Winehouse  
> 9\. Neon Lights, Demi Lovato  
> 10\. Guardian, Alanis Morissette  
> 11\. Talking to the Moon, Bruno Mars  
> 12\. Bad Day, Daniel Powter  
> 13\. What Happened to Perfect, Lukas Graham  
> 14\. Back to You, John Mayer  
> 15\. Easier to Run, Linkin PAark  
> 16\. Whatever it Takes, Lifehouse  
> 17\. Brave, Sara Bareilles  
> 18\. A Friend Like You, Andy Grammer  
> 19\. Just so you Know, Jesse McCartney  
> 20\. I Choose You, Andy Grammer  
> 21\. That Should be me, Justin Bieber  
> 22\. When it was me, Paula de Anda  
> 23\. Dancing on my own, Calum Scott  
> 24\. The Cure, Lady Gaga  
> 25\. Some Type of Love, Charlie Puth  
> 26\. Hurts, Lany  
> 27\. Nervous, Shawn Mendes  
> 28\. I was Wrong, Ed Prosek  
> 29\. Hold On, Chord Overstreet  
> 30\. If I Could Turn Back Time, Cher  
> 31\. Scared to Death, KZ Tandingan  
> 32\. You Give Me Something, James Morrison  
> 33\. Friends, Ed Sheeran  
> 34\. ไม่มีนิยาม / Mai Mee Niyahm (No Definition), TAYNEW  
> 35\. I am Always Gonna Love You, Jon McLaughlin
> 
> Which chapter/song was your favorite? :)
> 
> AGAIN, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!


	37. (#TNPolcaWeek Special) Bon Appetit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This special chapter is my day 4 entry to #TNPolcaWeek. Day 4's theme is "desserts".
> 
> Events happened between chapter 34 and 35.

_"I'm cooking dinner tonight. Your place"._

New smiled upon reading Tay's message. Tay's visits to his place have been more frequent ever since they finished filming with his new series with Joss. Nan has also gone home a few weeks back giving him more freedom to allow Tay to stay. Not that Nan disallowed him to anyway.

 _"We're wrapping with the final scenes. I'll be home soon. What's for dessert?",_ he sent a reply.

"New, break's up." Earth called him signaling him to keep his phone and take his mark again for the cue.

It was their final day of filming for Waterboyy2. The entire cast and crew have been on set for 72 hours straight. Yes, fatigue was starting to show on everyone, but their mood was rather excited. They were all ready to wrap up, go home, and take their well-deserved break.

And no one was more excited than New. Waiting for him at home was the love of his life, preparing him a meal he knew would be so delectable.

 _"I got you a lot of options. But you can't have any of them unless you eat a proper meal."_ New read Tay's reply after they have finally wrapped up. His eyes widened at the thought of the many desserts he could have. He sorely missed them. He was on strict diet for a couple months just to be in top shape for his many shirtless scenes. Desserts had been few and they were all the bland healthy ones.

"Are you coming with us New?" New's thoughts was interrupted by his co-star's question. "We're having dinner at the resto across the school. Most of the boys are coming." Kay sported that squinty smile he always had.

"I'm sorry, Kay. I have other plans tonight." New returned the smile. His relationship with Kay didn't at all turn sour after he rejected the younger. They remained good friends although it was quite awkward at first. They can't avoid each other because they were in the same series anyway. They had to be civil, professional as to not cause trouble for the entire production team. And soon enough, with all the interaction they had, their friendship strengthened.

"I'll make it up to you guys next time. It's not like we won't be seeing each other for long anyway. We still have a photoshoot to do next week." New assured him in consolation.

"Sure. It's okay, New. But it's gonna be your treat." Kay joked to which New rolled his eyes. They all bade farewell while some of the staff were still packing up the equipment. New rushed to his car, excited to finally get some desserts.

"Wow. This is nice." New said as he was greeted by a romantic set-up in his apartment. The entire room was dim, illuminated only by lighted candles spread across his dining table. But they were nothing as they were easily outshone by Tay, eagerly waiting for him by the kitchen, dressed dapper in white.

"I'm surprised you haven't burned the building down yet." He joked as he approached his man. He was met by a kiss on the cheek and a warm embrace.

"Don't spoil the moment. I worked hard for this." Tay replied as he sniffed New's neck and pulled him closer to tighten the hug.

"It's beautiful, Tay. Thank you." Tay felt New's muscles relax around his arms. New felt like a huge amount of stress just left his body all thanks to the comfort of his true home, Tay. They only broke the embrace when they heard the sound of New's stomach grumbling.

"Looks like you've been starving. And you got those hungry eyes." Tay said as he pulled a chair, guiding the younger to his seat.

"Yeah, I haven't eaten a lot these past few days. I was too conscious for my pool scenes."

"Well I prepared you a home-made steak."

"Can I get desserts first please? I haven't had any for months now." New pleaded with puppy eyes knowing that it always works with Tay.

But not this time. "No, dinner first. Then you can have all the desserts you want." Tay scolded.

New pouted. But not for long as Tay opened the metal cloche revealing the appetizing meal he had just prepared. "Wow, Tay. Are you sure you made this? Looks like the one you order in a Michelin restaurant." New's mouth watered at the sight of the juicy meat on his plate.

"I'm a five-star Michelin." Tay smugly shrugged his shoulders but was got totally ignored by the man who started devouring the beef. Tay giggled at the sight. He quietly poured wine on New's glass before proceeding to his own seat.

"Mm mmm. This really tastes great chef." New complimented through his full mouth. "Now slowly, Hin. You don't want to choke on that meat tonight." Tay snickered but was again ignored.

"Wow. That was really a great meal." New exclaimed after burping loudly. His plate was wiped clean in minutes. "Can we have desserts now? Please, please, please." whining like a baby.

"Rest up a bit so you can make room for more." Tay spoke from across the table still munching on the last bits of food.

"Well what did you get me?" New asked.

"I got a whole menu for you." Tay got up, and passed a small cardboard to New.

"New York cheesecake. Hey, it's been a long time since I had one." New gleefully said as he went through the entire list Tay prepared

"Lemon custard meringue pie. Sweet. I love this."

"Dark chocolate brownies. Ugh another favorite. You're really spoiling me tonight, Tay."

"Vanilla ice cream. Can I get a whole tub for myself?"

"Moist chocolate cake. Black sesame bua loy. Trifle. Tiramisu. You really got me all of this?"

"Tay- Tay Tawan special?" New got confused when he read the last item on the bottom of the menu. "What's a Tay Tawan special?" New glanced at the man across the table.

"Well," Tay leaned back swinging his right arm over the chair's rail. "It's not just a dessert, but a whole meal in itself." Tay raunchily said. He eyed New who was still confused, while he couldn't help himself bite his lower lip.

A few more seconds than it finally clicked for New. He blushed deep red upon realizing what Tay meant. He quickly covered his face with the dessert menu card Tay prepared.

He was extremely embarrassed. _"You're a whole meal"_ something New once told Tay in a lousy attempt to flirt with him.

They have done it a couple times since, though not as much as they hoped for. Yet, every time Tay goes vulgar or initiates sexy time, New always flushes in embarrassment.

"So, what do you say, Hin?" Tay got up and moved behind New who still couldn't dare look him in the eye. He gently massaged the tense shoulders waiting hungrily for a reply.

"We-well, I'd." New was stuttering. He cleared his throat and continued softly "I'd love to have some brownies, please."

"What?" Tay cried in surprise. That wasn't the answer he expected at all.

"I said, I'd love to have some brownies." New felt Tay's hands drop from his shoulders. "Please?"

Tay slowly walked to the kitchen and heeded New's request. "Are you sure?" He looked at New again, hoping for a change in mind."

New took a deep breath and smiled. "Yes, Tay. I'd would want to have some brownies first."

Tay slowly reached in a brown paper bag for the brownies he bought earlier.

"We could use some sugar before we get to the other dessert."

Tay's jaw suddenly dropped as New shamelessly winked at him.

=


End file.
